anxiety about next tuesday.. positive step forward but might back out

[honeybee]

ok...

ive been looking into doing a homestudy book keeping course in order to be able to work from home and earn some money... thing is is its gonna cost over £300...

i've been looking into funding and found lots of possibilities...

spoke to a guy on the phone earlier who deals with funding people on incapacity benefit to do courses... (need any info then just ask me, found loadsa stuff out this week)....

but the problem is is that in order to get it i need to see him in person... i thought i could do it all over the phone but as soon as he said he'd need to come to my house i had a panic attack on the phone...

bless him, he was very understanding - he offered to come around with a female co-worker, he said he could speak to me from outside on the phone then just slip the forms under my door in order for me to sign (cant believe my life has come to this... its so pathetic, i know you'll say its not but it really is... it just makes me laugh)

anyway, i've arranged for him to come around next tuesday, i just feel im gonna need a bit of support til then cos im sh*tting myself about it... its a great step forward and mean i might be able to finally at least dio a bit of work again... but i also keep saying to myself i wont be able to do it and that i should just cancel...

[blackie]

Hiya hun
Well done you for taking such a possitive step. Thats great.
It will be hard to get it done on tuesday but afterwards you will feel really good. I am always at home so i will make sure im around on tuesday if you want to chat and need some encouragement.
Take care
Blackie

[honeybee]

awww thanks.. hes coming around about 10.30 - 11ish so i'll prob be up about 5am being sick with anxiety... like all things the anticipation is always worse... gotta do something though... if i cant go to work then work shall come to me... been on income support for 3 years now cos of my agoraphobia... and its not even enough to live on let alone treat myself... anyway thanks for your support... much appreciated

[Jules18]

Hi

Good luck for next Tuesday. Just think of the positives - you've spent time looking into this and organising it so you obviously want to do it. Just think of how good you'll feel once you've got the forms in your hands, you'll really be on the way forward. Good on yer!

Julie

[blackie]

Hiya
Like you said the atticipation is aways worse.
But you have spoken to him on the phone, you know that he is understanding so if the worse came to the worse you could always ask him to leave at once. But i doubt very much that will happen but it gives you an escape route should you need it. Think possitivly about the meeting and imagine the good things that are going to come out of it.
Well i might not be around at 5am but i will certainly be around in the morning before he comes if u need me.
All the best
Blackie

[belle]

Hi Hun...
I can understand how scared you feel about this man coming round...flipping 'eck, i could tell you a trillion stories of panic attacks when people were at my door. What this guy is doing is a really kind gesture and it won't take long at all, but i bet you'll sit from now until then thinking over and over "what if i panic when he's at the door, what will i do"....you need to change that thought into "Okay, IF i do feel panicky, he's the otherside of the door AND he won't see me freaking out." I hope you can change those horrible anxious negative thoughts (I'm a fine one to talk!!!!!!!!!!).

Be thinking about you....

Sarah x

[honeybee]

thanks... dont think i could actually be silly enough to keep him the other side of the door.. i think ill just have to let him in... if i panic i panic i suppose... no use in panicing now about the possibility of panicing then... anyway i say that now.. ha ha... p.s is this sarahc???

[groovygranny]

Honeybee!

You're a brave girl, so what if your knees are wobbly? And, as long as you're not sick all over this bloke, you'll be fine , he sounds really understanding.

(He sounds as though he really wouldn't mind even if you were sick over him!!)

Well done you for setting the wheels in motion - I just know you're going to do this..just like you've done things before.

Will be thinking of you lots!

[honeybee]

thanks GG - not gonna write anymore cos thinking bout it makes me too anxious so a quick thanks will have to do for now...

[nomorepanic]

ask yourself what you want to happen?

Do you want this or not?

Then just JFDI lol

You can do it.

Don't think about it all week - it serves no purpose and is wasted energy. Concentrate on the positives and think how it will help you. Write the reasons down for doing it.

Stop thinking about it until 10am on that day - there is no reason to dwell on it.

Good luck