I really don't want to become a killer, or kill anything and it worries me so much. I'm scared of wasps and one flew into my room, I went to get bug spray to kill it and then realised what I was doing and didn't kill it. 30 minutes go by and I think it's gone, but it starts buzzing around again and I just spray it...and then it starts looking like it's in pain which was horrible to see and so I squashed it to kill it so it's not suffering anymore.
Why would I do that? Why did I feel the need to kill it, it didn't sting me I just killed it for no reason. What does it mean for me? Does it mean I'm a terrible person that kills things. I feel so awful. Like I can't un do killing it, it was a life that I've taken away by my own hands.
I wish so much that I'd just thought about it and not done it. I dunno what I can really do other than never do it again but I can never take it back.
It makes me realise that I'm actually capable of killing something and that's so terrifying.