Detox

[Firefly]

Hello everyone,

I am brand new to this site; I have no idea how I did not find it sooner. I have been spending the past couple of hours viewing posts from all of you and I need to say that it is so comforting to finally be a part of a community where I can talk to other's; hear their stories and find commonalities.

We live in an interesting world; in terms of the development of mental illnesses our medical field is not very advanced and treatment seems to be rather trial and error as everyone is different.

I was diagnosed with OCD approximately a year ago, and as I continue to educate myself I can't help but think that I have been misdiagnosed. What I am suffering from is pure Health anxiety and also self harm; very mild but there nonetheless. The heath anxiety stems from a heart attack scare that I had about a year ago that turned out to be nothing. The self harm is mild. For example, I bite the skin around my thumb nails whenever I am stressed, or I pull out hair from a specific spot in my head until there is a small bald spot. I also sit at a desk at work all day and find that I often get pain in my left side because of the way I sit; and then I massage it so hard on breaks that I often get bruising and more pain. I am not sure if this would be considered self harm; but I also drink excessively and I smoke marijuana daily...I find that this helps me to relax, and the altered state gives me a sense that nothing is real and that worry does not exist.

My GP has been working with me on the OCD although I have not been completely honest with him about everything - and I am currently on Effexor for that.

The purpose for this post is that I am at a point in my life that I feel completely flat. I am so heavily medicated that my emotions are dull - I have a hard time feeling happy and I haven't cried in months. My sex drive is non-existent and I have to force myself to have sex which is detrimental to my relationship. I come to work everyday hung over and burnt out, and that combined with my flat emotions makes me feel very depressed. I am an athlete, however I am not motivated to be active because of this.

This is not me. Drugs and alcohol will not ruin my life. I am a beautiful young woman with confidence, education and my family would describe me as outgoing with a great sense of humour. I have not been existing as such; I don't even know myself anymore.

I want to detox, and I feel as if I am ready, but I am so scared. Despite the bad things I have said about effexor, I have not had one panic attack or thoughts of death since starting them. I don't want to go back to that...but I have to try. The next three weeks will be the hardest. I have decided to cut back my dosage slowly and see how my body reacts. I have a hard time saying that I will completely stop the alcohol and drugs; because I am dependant right now, and at the end of the day I often convince myself that it is ok because I feel weak and need to escape. I don't know how to be strong yet.

[lass]

Hi and welcome! You will get lots of support here.

It sounds to me like you are very strong and I wish you lots of luck with the detoxing. Is your GP working with you on reducing your medication? I hope it all goes very well for you but, if it doesnt, don't beat yourself up. It takes lots of time and not everyone achieves it, but there is no shame in being on medication. For some people it is the only way they can get through life. None of us choose anxiety, and we all have to cope with it the best way that we can.

Take care
xx

[Firefly]

This is all very true...I just want to try without the medication. I don't like not feeling emotions. There is too much in this world to see and feel and medication is dulling it for me. Thank you for your ongoing support - I cant wait to grow and learn through this site.

Does anyone else have problems with alcohol and pot?

[yorkylover]

Hi alcohol and pot is not the answer.My brother started of drinking to socialise and be confident,he is an alcoholic and has been a drinker since he was 14,he is now 37.He has ruined our lives along with his own.If you feel ready to detox do it now pet before its to late.My brother is in hospital at the moment as he attempted suicide.Drink has taken over his life.
As for the meds,I wouldnt come off them while you are trying to come off the drink.Do one at a time,at the moment I would say the drink and pot should come first.It may not be the meds that are upsetting your emotions,it could be the alcohol,or the alocohol and meds together.
You really need to be honest with your gp for them to offer you the best help possible.

[Firefly]

Thanks for your advice yorky - I know I need to do something. I am so sorry to hear about your brother, but it is motivating to hear stories like that, it helps me to want to be strong!

[spuds]

It is great that you are trying to get yourself sorted out. It sounds as though you have a lot going for you and like everyone, if you can get on top of your bad habits, you should be able to live the life you deserve. I would seriously think about cutting back and eventually stopping the drinking and cannabis use. Cannabis is very bad for your long term mental health, and like drinking, it seems to help but doesn't really. Tell your GP about the drinking and cannabis and see if you can get some support to quit. Best wishes.

[Firefly]

Thanks spuds, I REALLY appreciate all the feedback! I have an appointment with my GP next week and plan on laying it all out on the line. Who am I lying to other than myself? I think it will be easier for me to come off Effexor then stopping drinking and smoking pot because I hate the medication. It is a little harder for the other because I feel dependant right now, and it will take a lot more stregnth to turn away from that. Reality will be scary!

I also just read some great reviews on a book specifically for Health Anxiety called "It's Not All In Your Head - How Worrying About Your Health Could Be Making You Sick". It has a lot of worksheets and relaxation techniques, and I think I will give it a try. I can't afford therapy right now, but if I focus on taking control of the anxiety then I won't feel so compelled to drink and smoke to relax.

[Firefly]

I really wanted to let everyone know that I cut back my pills yesterday, and last night that I had no alcohol. One step at a time!

[spuds]

Well done, a great start. If make small progress everyday, you will have gone a long way after a few months. Good luck.

[Firefly]

What a horrible weekend. I had four days off and planned on getting a lot of sleep - and now look at me. I was drunk and stoned all weekend. I have the worst headache today and I feel horrible. I feel like nothing will ever change.