Time on my hands & Brain Fog

[Dan21]

Hi all.

God, its been ages since I posted on the forum but I find myself coming back as I've had a few symptoms that have reared their collective heads and with true HA style, I'm beginning to fret to myself.......

I've had pretty bad HA in the past, but when I started my degree course full time in September 06, I was so busy working and throwing everything into my study that I didnt notice any aches, pains, twinges or gripes. All seemed to be well and I didnt even give my HA a second thought (which is probably why I didnt have any symptoms - in a paradoxical way).

However, my first year ended last week and I find myself with almost 9 weeks of time to fill and I cant tell you how much that scares me. It's like I've developed a phobia about having spare time and being able to sit around, knowing that my mind might wander and also knowing that to have my thoughts drift towards HA means me returning to a dark place indeed.

I'm also stressing about the fact that our first baby is due at the end of August and although this is going to be a wonderful, wondeful thing, it frightens me to the core - too many fears to list here.........

So, almost like clockwork, the twinges have started to return immediately after I finished studying. Headaches, tight feeling over the top of my head and down my neck, head rushes (thats the best way I describe them) and a re-occuring digestive system that is all over the place. Plus, what I can only decribe as a brain fog. Cloudy type of feeling when I'm thinking and generally feeling absolutely knackered. My wife has said that its probably due to the fact that I have been giving my study 200% since September and now there is no pressure, my body is kind of winding down and relaxing along with my mind. I'm doing my best to think logically and not listen to the ******* HA voice that is saying 'Actually Dan, it could be a tumour you know', but as you all know, thats sometimes easier said than done.

So, I'm trying to stay positive and find ways to keep occupied. Although I could do with the rest, it generally strikes fear into my heart to think of having so much time free - give me the days of being 9, having the whole summer holidays stretching out in front of you and not having a care in the world..................

I guess I'm just looking for a few words of realism to support the idea that I might not be dying, just burnt out possibly.

Thanks in advance,

Dan

[ECR]

Hey Dan,

I think deep inside you, you know the answers. Listen to yourself - busy: no anxiety. Time to think: anxiety and symptoms. You can't ignore that!

If you're like me (sounds like you are), you think it can't be that simple. Except its not simple at all, is it? Its only simple to people who don't suffer from HA!

Secondly: If you've been working your bum off for a while and suddenly you stop and have the chance to exhale, of course (!) you're mind and body are going to feel exhausted - that's how living on adrenalin works.

How exciting about your baby. That in itself is enough cause for anxiety to be causing all of this. I speak from recent experience!

The key for me, I think, is believing that my symptoms are anxiety and not signs of doom. Even if it takes a few visits to the Dr. maybe that would help you. Amazing how often once you stop being afraid of what symptoms mean or could signify they stop bothering you and dissapear!

best of luck Dan!

- ECR

[Dan21]

Thanks ECR, but my HA has returned with an absolute vengence. I'm absolutely frantic thinking that these aches and pains are something more than stress. How can such things come about after only a week of free thought? I dont even think I was that stressed before......

[ECR]

Yeah I totally relate but that's just it. How can it possible be a coincidence?! I'm sure this is not the first time you have observed the connection between stress or HA and symptoms. I see it over and over and over again. And yet I still struggle with worrying about some medical catastrophe. That - in its very essence - is HA I guess. Lucky us, eh?

[ItWillPass]

Dan, I am exactly the same way. When I am finishing up something stressful, my body just shuts down basically. It is really difficult. I defn agree with your wife that since you are starting to relax, your body is just feeling totally different. With us health worriers, this can be very scary. I have been through it also, in fact I think I am going through it right now, except I have to push through one more week of school and practicum. Anyway, just know that you are not alone... think logically, if it were something very serious, you would not have been able to take your mind off of it to do school. Serious things dont just pop up like this. Try your best to enjoy your time off. come up with a schedule... reading, working out, nature walks, whatever makes you happy. Above all, know you are not alone.