New Start

[Jimbo]

Here's my new thread, boring name.... I know. the last one was getting a bit long and has some stuff I'd rather forget. Also I think those 100 page threads can be a bit intimidating for new people on the site and discourages people from posting on them. So feel free to add your 2p.

To recap, I have depression, anxiety / panic disorder and BPD. I've had some terrible times due to my self destructive behaviour and have lost my home, my job and most of my friends.

I hope I've reached my lowest point, as I've now moved into a new flat and am trying to sort my life out again. The initial excitement of my new place is starting to wear off, and I've been getting progressively more edgy as time goes on. Generally I think I'm doing better than I was, so far my therapy has been helping me disengage when I get into a mess and feel the urge to self harm, I just hope things don't get worse again.


I made it to the GP this morning, was very anxious and got told off again for drinking. Then made it to the council and back without any anxiety, did skip the trip to argos for a phone as the weather is awful here.

Was in a bit of a muddle this morning as I woke up too early with a bit of a fuzzy head from the wine last night, then went back to sleep and almost overslept and missed my apt, in the rush I forgot to take my certificate to get my prescriptions so I have to go back out in the rain in a bit.

Then I can have a relaxed afternoon doing a bit of touching up on my painting from yesterday. Btw, one coat paint does not work on bright orange!

I should get my furnature and white goods from the council / charity delivered tomorrow, so hopefully I can buy more than a pint of milk without fear of it going off, sleep in a proper bed and do my favourite thing watching mindless tv, but while sitting on a sofa.

Jim

[Dying_Swan]

Hey hey Jimbo, and welcome back!

So glad to hear you are all moved in to your new place.

The novelty will wear off a bit, but that's only natural. Also, you'll probably feel more excited once you've got your furniture and got it all painted etc. And a fridge for the milk!

Tell your doctor that you'll simply have to drink alcohol until you have a fridge. What else can one do?!

I'm sure things won't get so bad again, and you're learning techniques to stop that happening. If you do feel a bit low, try to view it as just a blip and something you are capable of dealing with.

Good luck with getting it all sorted, and happy housewarming! xxx

[Piglet]

Aww Jim I'm so glad to hear things are improving hun.

Have a squeeze .

Piglet

[Under~The~Stars]

Hunny, I'm loving your new name! Very positive!

Well done you for making it to the council and back with no anx! Fantastic! Well done for making it to your GP appointment too, hope it went well apart from her telling you off?

I'm glad the decorating is keeping you busy, but in a relaxing sort of way eh?

I'm glad you should be getting some stuff delivered tomorrow from the council, I'm not sure how I would cope without a fridge! I would need it to keep my chocolate nice and cold!

If I change my thread again, it will need to have a name which refers to my love for chocolate!

Lou xxx

[happyone]

Here hun, here's a fridge


Like it? Put some throws on this and you are sorted!

[Jimbo]

Thanks guys,

My bedroom is now painted awaiting a bed. My arms are aching from the rollering! The painting is kinda frustrating cause it's taken a lot longer and required a lot more effort than I thought. Oh well... 1 room down 4 to go.

Tried to get the housing association to get someone to come round and fix the doorbell, as the intercom hasn't been working since I moved in. A strange old doddering guy turned up to fix it but couldn't because the room containing the electric box was locked downstairs. He did fix my extractor fan in the bathroom instead.

So a busy day today, individual counselling tomorrow. I'm looking forward to chilling out and laughing at this years bunch of freaks going on Big Brother tonight. I do have to admit to being a bit of a BB fan, I've been known to even have the tv on when they are alseep in bed!

Jim

[Under~The~Stars]

LOL to the fridge! and to the couch! However, get some magners in that fridge instead of the carlsberg! The couch looks really comfy!

At least the painting is keeping you busy though eh? What colour have you painted your bedroom? LOL!

Aw hun, good luck with the counseling tomorrow, let us know how you get on.

I didn't know big brother started tonight lol! OMG where have I been! I don't really watch it, only if there is nothing else on, but I might watch it this year, might! OK then I will!

Take care hun, hope you sleep ok tonight.

Lou xxx

[belle]

Hi...

Good for you for still going - my goodness, i plan to go 1 mile down the road and its like a organising freaking major trip!!!!!!

With regards to "smoking stuff" - i think you know the answer to that. Stay away from it, its proven to induce anxious feelings/thoughts.

x

I guess you're talking about Karen. We're all very concerned about her current state of health and as an EX Eating disorder sufferer i can understand to a degree about how she is feeling...but not where the medication part comes into it. She has a lot of people caring and looking out for her - she'll come good, but sadly she needs to reach rock bottom to start coming back up (as with most addictions) and Karen needs to realise that herself. No one will make an anorexic/bulimic get well unless they want to and that's definitely speaking from experience.

[happyone]

Jim,
my gut feeling if I am to be honest is to say 'I can't go'
Jim, ok it has been a tradition since 97, but without being hard, you are 10 years older and by no means out of the first spring of youth but decisions made when you are in your teens to what you make now (I am assuming you are in mid 20's? have you already told me you are? ) are different.
I too get very panicky around drunk people and tend to drink too much to make it less of a problem which is of course the wrong thing to do.

I last night was invited to a good friends 40th birthday party. I think so much of her and I know she really wanted me to go but I knew I couldn't. I could have gone but I knew I would get drunk as there was to be people there that I didn't want to socialise with, so drink would numb the anx. I made the right decision, even though it was sad. I felt bad for it, but it was definately the right thing to do.

With regards to worrying about someone on here. We all do that mate, we take an individual into our hearts, whether they are a cyber aquaintance or real and we care about what happens to them. BUT, Jim, every person is ultimatelty responsible for themselves. I know I sound mean and hard but believe me I am not, but I do know that there has to be a part of you that you/people in general that needs to accept this. This took me a long long time to come to this conclusion Jim, from a very complicated childhood. I have spent so much time worrying and fretting over what people close to me 'might' do and made myself genuinely ill (hey! look at me now eh? ) that there came a point where I 'had' to accept my limitations, which ultimately, I believe empowers the person with the problems.

I don't know if that makes any sense Jim, but at this point, I am concerned for you and hope you don't get yourself into situations which make your mental health worse.

take care jimbo!

happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

I phoned up one of my mates who I'm going with and I feel a bit better about it. I have to go, I can't miss out. Yeah some bits will be hard, but I'll just have to cope somehow and if the worst comes to the worst I can get picked up and go home.

Just feeling a bit agitated and restless now, I'll have to go do some more hand washing to take my energy out on.

Jim