Withdrawal diary

[anxiousjomo]

These things help me, so I thought I would do one too.

Background: Was on prozac for 5 years for GAD and depression, then came off it (slowly) - 6 months later had a couple of panic attacks (a very rare occurrence for me) and tried to go back on. Unfortunately (after having had no side effects at all when I went on it the first time) I reacted badly to it and, after 3 weeks, was stopped cold turkey by the doc. Then went on to citalopram. About 6 weeks on 10mg, then about 6 or 7 weeks on 20mg. Sadly the side effects were also brutal and just seemed to be getting worse (insomnia, diarrhoea, increased anxiety, groggyness, jittering, internal trembles etc). So doctor and I decided to come off.

Was on 15mg for a week, then 10mg for 2 weeks, 5mg for 2 weeks and 2.5mg for one week. Just took my last 2.5 (though it was a very small quarter so more like 1.5-2mg) this morning.

Tapering has been a real up and down affair so far. Particularly because, until I got below 10mg, I will still being hit by the side effects as well.

After 2 days on 5mg I started sleeping through the night (until about 6.45/7am) for the first time in months. Still had some morning anxiety and headaches and things, but not too bad. The drop to 2.5mg was ok, but the last two days (when I took very small quarters which were probably closer to 1.5mg or so) I have struggled with insomnia again, increased anxiety, headaches etc. I woke up at 3am this morning, drenched in sweat, with a tight chest and lots of panic.

Have also noticed very vivid dreams the last couple of weeks, as well as the odd auditory hallucination and that weird sloshy feeling in my head (like my brain is water in a bowl and if I move my head from side to side quickly it sloshes around). I have also had the occasional strange rush of anxiety that feels like it starts in my stomach and then tingles up through my body to the top of my brain. Oh and tight feeling in my head too - not quite a headache, just a tightness.

It certainly does not help that work is very busy and stressful at the moment, and I am sure some of the anxiety relates to that. It is just hard to tell what is what.

I just have to grit my teeth and get through today, and then we will see what tomorrow brings...

[anxiousjomo]

Day 1 of no meds.

Last night I managed to sleep better - from around 11.30pm to about 6am according to my fitbit, with only few wakeups.

I am trying to not obsess over, and anticipate, withdrawal symptoms, but I certainly feel a little odd. Anxiety is up, and my head feels very tight. I can't sit still, but am coping ok so far. I have Valium in my bag as a safety net.

I have been taking the following supplements since I started tapering off:

1. Omega 3,5,6,7,9 - morning and evening
2. Insitol and Choline (in one tablet from Holland and Barrat) - morning and evening
3. Magnesium and Calcium - just before bed
4. General multivitamin
5. A Berocca soluble tablet in a pint of water which I drink during the morning at work.

I don't know if any of these help, but can't see any harm in taking them just in case. I have not had any brain zaps yet, nor have the withdrawal symptoms been as bad as some have reported on here, which could be to do with these supplements, or not...

So far I am ok, but I suspect that the next few days will be the real test...

Have been having some dizziness and tiredness today. Certainly feel a little unusual, but no fireworks yet.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 2 of no meds.

Woke around 5am. Ok for about 10min or so, then anxiety built rapidly and I suddenly had very bad diarrhoea. Got back in bed afterwards and tossed and turned for a while until it was time to get up. No panic attacks or anything that extreme, just tight chest and jittery/anxious feeling.

Head very groggy during the day. Dizzy. Sweating. Feels very odd if I move my head quickly from side to side.

I am currently at work and just trying the break all my tasks down into small, manageable chunks and just keep fighting through until the evening.

One thing that has been helping throughout the whole process is exercise, much as I hate to admit it. I have been going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week (mainly running but some weights too), and I can certainly feel the difference on days I go compared with days I don't.

The hard thing is that the current dizziness/grogginess makes it hard to exercise properly.

[lostritenow]

Am right with you and don't know what to do.

I was on escitalopram 10 mg for about 7 years and tapered off over 9 months last year, stopping it completely when I was down to taking 1 mg, last December.

A week or so into March I suffered a breakdown due to ocd returning, so I went back on escitalopram for 5 weeks at 10 mg, increased to 20 mg for about 3/4 weeks, last week I cut down to 15 mg for 2 days or so and have now been on 10 mg for about 6 days. I have been on it about 10 weeks altogether and want off as it hasn't helped my ocd.

Don't know where to go from here to avoid withdrawals. I am really scared as I have been barely functioning for months due to intrusive thoughts.Don't know how to get off quickly without terrible withdrawals.

[anxiousjomo]

I would say the "quickly" part is the problem - I don't think you can rush it. I went at about 5mg every two weeks purely because I had only been on them about 5 months or so, and the side effects were so awful I wanted to get rid of them fast.

I guess you can just look at it as every hour you get through is one hour closer to being off the meds, and through the withdrawal process. Every hour you get through is a victory. And every day survived deserves a celebration.

It is tough, but as someone who has had to fight anxiety, depression and all that crap, you are tough already. You have got through things many people never have to face, and are still here. Just take each day as it comes, and don't think about/worry about tomorrow as you cannot predict how your body will feel.

For example, I had a rough night last night, and have really struggled today. Tomorrow could be worse, it could be better, or it could be the same. I have absolutely no way of knowing. So, I just focus on getting to tonight when I can crawl into bed, and will just have to wait an see what tomorrow morning brings. It is what it is. It will be what it will be. Can't do a damn thing about it.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 3

A little TMI this, but it is interesting as clearly a withdrawal effect - for the last two nights I have been woken up at around 3am after having a wet dream (or nocturnal emission as I think it is called), something that has not really happened to me since I was a hormonal teenagager (I am now in my late 30s). Very strange. I wonder why it could be having this effect?

Other than that, I slept till about 6ish - don't feel rested, but feel much better than I have on many mornings over the last few months, so trying to be positive.

Mild anxiety, but manageable. For the first time since I started Cit I have also not had bad diarrhoea immediately on waking. In fact I seem almost slightly constipated. After a couple of hours of being up, however, I had the usual rush to the toilet but, again, not as bad as it has been.

Some dizziness and grogginess, but not as bad as yesterday. Nauseous and hard to make myself eat. Some depression and intrusive thoughts, but am trying to manage them. Some rushes of anxiety as the afternoon wore on as well as a tight feeling around my skull.

[anxiousjomo]

Days 4 and 5

Slept ok - some mild dizziness and flutterings of anxiety, but generally alright. No more wet dreams thankfully.

IBS has been playing up - partly my fault though for eating a curry. Hard to tell if having the IBS symptoms increases my anxiety or if increased anxiety gives me worse IBS symptoms. Or could it be both? One of those lovely vicious circles?

The evening was rough though. I had a very busy sunday (day 5) looking after my 6 year old son and 4 year old niece all day, and took them out to Kew Gardens. Fun, but I think I overdid it, as by the evening I was incredibly tired and depressed and was struggling to keep control of my anxiety about the week ahead (work is also very busy at the moment).

My head feels tight and woosey, and strangely tingly. Feel like I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 6.

The strange dizziness seems to be the most consistent symptom at the moment - that and a mild headache/tightness around my head.

I am tired, and have some anxiety, but it is manageable. I am finding just reminding myself when I start worrying about "what-ifs" that I am being silly by letting my primitive brain take charge, helps. That and deep breathing and regular exercise.

I am still on the waiting list for CBT on the NHS, so hopefully that will help in the long run.

Some flutters of anxiety towards the afternoon evening, and the dizziness increased a little. Very tired all day.

[anxiousjomo]

Day 7

Took half a nytol as could not fall asleep - was wired for some reason, and having restless legs, which I have not had for a while.

Ok during the day - some very mild anxiety at times and some dizziness, but all manageable.

Finger's crossed I am not going to be blindsided with any symptoms out of nowhere. Will give myself another week before I say I am safely out of the woods...

[anxiousjomo]

Day 8

Bad day today. Woke around 5.30am very anxious, and the anxiety increased all morning. Shaky and trembling, hot face, dizzy and nauseous. Diarrhea first thing in the morning, but that has been happening for months.

I know these are to do with the withdrawal as this is not something that used to happen to me before I went on the drugs. I had issues with anxiety and depression, and very rare panic attacks, but never such heightened anxiety on a daily basis, particularly in the mornings, and never the shaking and nausea etc.

I guess this teaches me a lesson for being hopeful yesterday....