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Thread: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    249

    Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    As it says in the title. Today at work was another day when I am pretending to be okay while hiding the fact that my chest and tummy are full of butterflies/fear for no real reason. That I feel dizzy and faint and weak. That I have a metallic taste/smell that comes and goes and makes me so nauseous. That I want to just sit and cry and say 'I can't do this anymore'. The fighting every day to just try to and be normal. Not one person would have any clue that this friendly, smiling, upbeat, cheery woman who everyone relies on, is so scared by her physical symptoms all the time. I know I have got over them before and have had long cycles when I am 'normal'.... but like now when the horrible anxiety has come back - for some reason, I feel once again that I am dying and it's so hard and lonely because nobody understands. I count the hours till I can go home and just relax and not have to pretend to be okay. I am telling myself that is just anxiety as when I am busy I don't notice the symptoms but when I get those waves of panic I am terrified every time
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    Nikki
    Get down on your knees and thank God that you are on your feet

  2. #2

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    I feel like you are describing me!

    I recently had a trigger of severe anxiety because of our new puppy. I normally go through ups and downs with anxiety. For about two years I suffered with severe hypochondria which was the cause of most of my anxiety. I've been a lot better in regards to the hypochondria but having the puppy has spiked my anxiety. I'm always cheerful and helpful to everyone else and lately I've felt a darkness inside. I feel extremely jittery and as if my chest is filled with air. My hands get tingly and I almost feel butterflies (not in a good way). Some days are better than others and I've generally been feeling better. However today SUCKS and I'm super anxious for NO reason whatsoever. There's no reason but I can't help it. Sucks so much and I feel you 100%. If you need to chat I'm here.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    249

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    Thank you so much Dreamer for both messages. It is horrible isn't it. I do find listening to Dr Claire Weekes on youtube on my phone when I'm in bed or even having a panic attack during the day helps a lot.
    __________________
    Nikki
    Get down on your knees and thank God that you are on your feet

  4. #4

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    Thank you! I will check that out on youtube as I drive home. I'm currently going through an episode.

    xoxo
    __________________
    You may say I'm a dreamer
    But I'm not the only one
    I hope some day you'll join us
    And the world will be as one

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    699

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    I don't want to create worries, first I would see a doctor and find out what the taste in your mouth is from. It's probably a reaction to the stress. That will be one issue solved. Anxiety is fear and then we are afraid of the fear. Your butterflies an upset stomach is because you are dwelling on the fact that you are "tired and fighting to be normal" What is normal? You are counting the hours until go home to be normal. That there is enough to create your anxiety. You should find a good therapist, someone you can relate too. They will give you tools to cope with anxiety. I know, it worked for me. I wish you the best. I am medication free and free from anxiety. It takes work in re training your brain, it can be done.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
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    54

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    Hi Nikita,

    firstly I know where you are coming from I have had Anxiety for 10 years and recently hit the low but I want to say well done for coming on here and expressing this because hiding it is not good and only makes it worse. second Snowghost57 is right go to a doctor just release all your worries cry it out in front of them it does help (I done it 2 weeks ago) they can assess the situation and proceed with either counselling or meds. Also you need to rest do things you actively enjoy and try and get your mind of the beast thats trying to ruin your life. I'm trying myself and its hard but this is why we are on here haha put on your fav tv show, gym, read do anything to switch off or switch away from it. message us on here but do not bottle things in. you can do this!

    I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon

    matt

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    249

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    thank you snowghost and matt. I went to the doc today. My bp is really high 170/100. I have suffered from this since age 21 (when I had pre-eclampsia in pregnancy) and I'm on low dose 25mg altenol medication. Today she told me to take two a day 50mg instead for a few days. I also have to go for blood tests on monday which of course is freaking me out because I think I have cancer or something. She said I could be anaemic due to the heavy periods. Today my legs feel so heavy and tired, waves of panic, exhausted, headache. I am so scared.
    __________________
    Nikki
    Get down on your knees and thank God that you are on your feet

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    85

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    Quote Originally Posted by nikita View Post
    As it says in the title. Today at work was another day when I am pretending to be okay while hiding the fact that my chest and tummy are full of butterflies/fear for no real reason. That I feel dizzy and faint and weak. That I have a metallic taste/smell that comes and goes and makes me so nauseous. That I want to just sit and cry and say 'I can't do this anymore'. The fighting every day to just try to and be normal. Not one person would have any clue that this friendly, smiling, upbeat, cheery woman who everyone relies on, is so scared by her physical symptoms all the time. I know I have got over them before and have had long cycles when I am 'normal'.... but like now when the horrible anxiety has come back - for some reason, I feel once again that I am dying and it's so hard and lonely because nobody understands. I count the hours till I can go home and just relax and not have to pretend to be okay. I am telling myself that is just anxiety as when I am busy I don't notice the symptoms but when I get those waves of panic I am terrified every time

    Hi there nikita

    What you have just writtten sounds so much like what I am going through just now, its a struggle, do you ever feel like you just cant get it out of your mind and your going into a meltdown, I know exactly how you are feeling, its there morning noon and night, mornings are the worst for me, I have been off work this week and really dreading going back in.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    362

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    You are describing me too! Many days I feel like this. I draw some comfort from knowing that I am not alone in this and that it is anxiety that's causes all these things. I hope you can too.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  10. #10

    Re: Exhausted by pretending to be okay

    This is literally me!
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