Six months of Anxiety

[Gryphoenix]

I have a few stories to share with you all.

Well the first PA was in December.

My PA's really stemmed from a fear of my heart racing fast and over the last six or so months I've managed to realize that it's not going to hurt me. Only the past couple of months I've been able to exercise (very slowly, mind you! I'm still not up to the heavy stuff yet. XD) and since I'm overweight and terribly out of shape, the whole heart thing had be terrified. It took a whole lot of praying and steeling up my nerves to be able to withstand that feeling of my heart beating fast to convince myself I wasn't nescesarily dying. It still bothers me a bit but I'm trying to learn not to be bothered by it. That whole idea about how you have to go through the feeling without coping techniques to be able to be truly desensitzed to it and be okay with it. At least now I can wash the dishes and the laundry, and walk around the neighborhood without getting freaked out!

Today, I didn't get much sleep (a few hours, at least) and I walked sooo much and went to a theme park even. Anytime I get insominia that's a major factor for the anxietyness. I hadn't been to the park ever since I started having PAs and anxiety and it was a little frightening and sad, seeing the rides I used to love and considering that I'd probably get claustrophobic in them. But then I realized I would be okay even if I did have a panic attack in them, since it wouldn't hurt me. (I didn't go on any though--baby steps! ) The fact that I was able to walk around in the blazing hot, humid weather was a miracle and a huge step in itself! I had been fearing the whole walking thing and the whole heat thing for ages. I was absolutely sure that all of five minutes spent in the heat would produce heat stroke, coupled with the massive walking up and down the hills would do me in. Yeah, did I mention I'm only 21?

I don't honestly know if I'll be able to go on a rollercoaster again, but then, I think that the same feeling you get on a rollercoaster is the same kind of feeling you get from anxiety anyway--it's just the postive version. Still, I might try the water rides next time or the teacups or something. Get over the dizzy fear and claustrophibic fear, that would be a good one to do. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do when someone asks me to ride, but we'll see.

But anyway I haven't had a true panic attack since March, and I've been able to stall the ones that try and start.

Some of the things I need to work on is still this weird...not exactly fear but I'm bothered when I have to get ready fast to get out of the house. It was the scene of the worst PA I've ever had and I still think some fear of that is still with me, but even when I do get the twinges of fear I just float with it and tell myself even if I work myself up into a frenzy, get into the car anyway and deal with it in there.

But it is June now, and these have totally been the hardest six months of my life. I've learned to be brave. Not everyone has to deal with their greatest, deepest fears on nearly a daily basis, and that certainly can make a person stronger, so I'm glad for that part.

Oh, did I mention that everything I learned how to deal with this came from the Anxiety and Phobia workbook, as well as this site? So thank you.

[Lindalou64]

well sounds to me like your doing a good job, for havin it for only 6 months and knowing it wont harm you and go thru it thats good..i wish ya the best..............linda xx

[honeybee3939]

Hi

Lovely to read about your success , sounds like you have made some brilliant progress in beating the anxiety ! Keep up the good work!

Hugs

Andrea
xxxxx

[nomorepanic]

Well done and lovely to read of your success!

[Southern_Belle]

Hi,

Sounds like to me you have done alot of work on your panic attacks. Good job and baby steps are the best way to go in my opinon.

Laura