How do we go on living like this

[braindead]

Hi Pulisa. I have been using an over the counter sleeping pill that you can buy here in France, but it's having little impact. I find I can quickly fall asleep and remain asleep for
2-3 hours but am awoken with anxiety, which remains with me for the remainder of the night. My mind is a whirlwind of activity with each thought causing a surge in anxiety. I try to remind myself that this is my amygdala working overtime, and try to focus on my breathing, but in truth During this period I feel so totally wretched, I just feel so desperate during these hours. I convince myself I am heading for a total breakdown.

I get up and sit outside with a cup of tea trying to bring back some sense of calm, and I can do that, but only if I am outside. Somehow I have developed a dislike of being inside the house, which does not bode well for the winter months.

My therapist has just allowed me to do a lot of talking, so we haven't got into trying to understand what's going on. I've had 3 sessions, and I'm not sure how these things are supposed to work. I pay €25 for an hours session. She is an accredited CBT therapist who worked in the uk, so I am hopeful that she can help put me on the road to recovery. I realise the solution has to come from within myself, but I really worry that I lack the emotional strength to climb my way back up. Sometimes it feels easier just to sit and wallow in self pity, rather than work at things. Everything feels so difficult. Thank you for listening to me, it's really kind of you. I hope that your mental wellness is good.

£25 a hour, she is cheap most therapist wont get out of bed for less than £50

[Fidget]

Hi Pulisa. One of my main problems at this time is difficulty making rational decisions. Every decision involves having to think some more which mean I think catastrophe. Frightened of changing meds, frightened current meds not working, frightened of becoming worse than I am(if that's at all possible), frightened about having to give up my new life here in France, just plain frightened about my anxiety.

I do fear that I am never going to recover. In the past I had work as a distraction, much more interaction with others, whereas now I am retired and live in rural France. Just me and my wife and lovely dogs. We have made a couple of new friends, but can't really talk about how I am feeling, as I don't want to scare them off.

My biggest problem is the feeling of constant anxiety when asleep/awake. I frequently,wake with anxiety, somehow drift off again, maybe for a few minutes then wake again with anxiety. I feel if I can just sleep well, it will help. anyhow
I like my GP so will talk things over with him.

[pulisa]

I'm glad you feel comfortable with your GP because I'd say your priority would be to get some uninterrupted sleep in order to be able to make more rational decisions and this will involve prescribed sleeping tablets for a short time.

Fear will keep your anxiety very much alive and kicking as you well know. Getting some restorative sleep would give your nervous system a break from the constant overstimulation. I'm very much used to living with constant anxiety but I know that my response to my thoughts and feelings very much influence the degree of agitation I experience. The more fear I have of physical and mental "symptoms", the more anxious I am.

You are recently retired and are making a new life in a new country. Everything is still very new and you are adapting to a completely different lifestyle with challenges of a different nature. 4 months ago you weren't experiencing these fears but there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't get better again and go on to enjoy life once more with the right help and support. Your first step now has to be visiting the GP in my opinion. I know how frightening it is to feel as you do but it is completely part and parcel of the anxiety state.