Getting a woman in my life

[Pete_uk]

This is a bit embarrassing but I'm so lonely. I've been on the Plenty of Fish site for years and had some conversations even a phone call but nothing more.

I'm so nervous about making the first move because I know women expect you to go out that kind of stuff but I'm not into busy pubs at night.

I just feel like I don't have a flippin' clue. I've never been sociable and never had a girlfriend.

[t0rt01se36]

Hi Pete.

I can so relate to what you are going through. Sucks doesn't it?

Being Agoraphobic and anxious is making it difficult for me to go out and make friends.

Are you able to go out? Have you considered hoining any activity or social groups, where there might be people attending, who understand what you are going through?

[Barry boy]

Hi, I can relate to your post. I've been on and off dating sites for the past year, had a few dates and a little bit of success but still single.

I'm pretty much on top of my social anxiety nowadays, I'm confident in meeting women and going on dates

The problem I have is when I try to explain to women my lack of life experience is due to the devastating effects of my anxiety and depression. It kinda scares them off. Although I'm in a good place now, it's left a bit of a mess.

Even so called normal people without anxieties have enough trouble finding partners on dating sites, so If you have anxieties dating sites can be a nightmare.

I wouldn't give up if I was you. You just have to keep looking. There are a lot of shy/introvert types out there, it's just finding them.

I've decided to join various meet up groups myself, made a couple of friends already, so I'm pushing myself more in that direction.

Anxiety has robbed me of the best part of my life, but I'm not giving up yet.

So yeah, don't give up, it's hard work but keep trying.

Edit: I've had about six dates in a year so I must be doing something right.

Pete whereabouts are you in the UK?

[Fishmanpa]

I actually met my wife on POF

Just some life experience as I've been through the mill relationship wise. Work on yourself first. Get comfortable in your own skin. Then, no expectations. In recollection, when I was purposely trying to be in a relationship, my judgement was clouded. It wasn't like I had trouble getting dates but close to 90% of the time these women were hot messes! ~lol~ While it was fun and exciting at first, it inevitably lead to drama, stress, Uggggg....

The best advice I can give you is "Relax". The relationships in my life that have meant the most to me and I most fondly remember were those that happened when I was least expecting it. My wife (2nd marriage for both) and I are a perfect example of that

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[Barry boy]

The best advice I can give you is "Relax". The relationships in my life that have meant the most to me and I most fondly remember were those that happened when I was least expecting it. My wife (2nd marriage for both) and I are a perfect example of that

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

Yeah I agree, people do come into your life when you least expect it. I have heard people often say in the past "stop looking and things will just happen naturally"

People with SA have to work twice as hard when it comes to getting into relatioships. From my experience if you are crippled by low self esteem things often don't happen naturally unfortunately.

I think if you have SA, you've just got to except the fact that your probably going to get rejected often before you find someone. I've experienced more rejection in the last year than I have my whole life ha ha. Rejection is crap

BTW Pete, don't worry about not being into bars clubs and drinking. I just meet up for a coffee for the first date, and if all goes well you move on from that. I think a lot of people do that nowadays.

Anyway, I have another date coming up, I reckon she could be "the one"....lol

[fallingstar]

I actually met my wife on POF

Just some life experience as I've been through the mill relationship wise. Work on yourself first. Get comfortable in your own skin. Then, no expectations. In recollection, when I was purposely trying to be in a relationship, my judgement was clouded. It wasn't like I had trouble getting dates but close to 90% of the time these women were hot messes! ~lol~ While it was fun and exciting at first, it inevitably lead to drama, stress, Uggggg....

The best advice I can give you is "Relax". The relationships in my life that have meant the most to me and I most fondly remember were those that happened when I was least expecting it. My wife (2nd marriage for both) and I are a perfect example of that

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

I agree with what Fishmanpa said - best things come when you are least expecting it. I actually met my husband (from the UK) on this site and I'm from the US. We are married and living in the US. We met out of the blue, started talking and the rest is history!

I feel like if you meet someone who you can show your true self to and they support you and listen right from the beginning, then that is a good sign that you are headed in the right direction. I'm sure it is scary, thinking of going on a date, etc. If you build a good relationship through talking to someone on the site you are on however, maybe that would make it a bit easier... work up to a first date and do something very relaxing and simple, like maybe some tea and a walk!

I wish you the best of luck. I honestly think that as long as you are yourself and you're upfront, you'll eventually meet that right person. Can happen anytime, anywhere, on any continent!

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[Pete_uk]

Thanks for the replies folks. I think most of them on POF want the kind of person you can pick up in a pub or club. I have managed to message a few ladies but had nothing back.

I am really uncomfortable in my skin. I'm trying but progress is slow. I just feel like time is running out.

[PanickyGuy]

Thanks for the replies folks. I think most of them on POF want the kind of person you can pick up in a pub or club. I have managed to message a few ladies but had nothing back.

I am really uncomfortable in my skin. I'm trying but progress is slow. I just feel like time is running out.

I'm somewhat in the same boat as you Pete. I've been on POF many times and even had a few dates that went nowhere and these women messaged me first. Yet, when I tried to message other women, in which I thought we might have the same compatibility or basically what they're looking for, I get no replies and I know they're looking for someone in general. Makes me wonder if you're not on to something with you're thinking - "want the kind of person you can pick up in a pub or club".

Another thing I noticed is that a lot of the women on POF seem to be angry at times, demanding or judgemental, in the way they write their profiles, like they're expecting all men to be total jerks or cheaters, if they were to date any one of us. Those type of attitudes turn me off and I don't even bother trying to talk to those particular women, no matter how much we might have in common.

But yeah, just like you, I feel like time is running out for me (mainly due to the feeling of getting older) and I'm beginning to think POF is a lost cause at times. Someone once told me the dating paysites are better, because the quality of people you meet on those sites are better, but man I hate dishing out money to try and find someone online. I worry about getting suckered in because it might not be any different then POF.

[Bigboyuk]

Think a balance is needed here I too have had no luck so for now it's on the back burner and I am concerntaiting on getting friends first it's no point in putting all your eggs in one basket and good things come to those who wait Cheers

[MariosK39]

This is a bit embarrassing but I'm so lonely. I've been on the Plenty of Fish site for years and had some conversations even a phone call but nothing more.

I'm so nervous about making the first move because I know women expect you to go out that kind of stuff but I'm not into busy pubs at night.

I just feel like I don't have a flippin' clue. I've never been sociable and never had a girlfriend.

Women are a lagging indicator of success. I suggest you work on other areas of your life, and women will follow in spades.