Newbie on Week 7 Citalopram... and a bit hopeless

[MindlessMechanic]

Will begin by thanking all responsible for this forum. I have been viewing threads over the last few weeks - made a few bookmarks - to help me along my way. I hope I can also make something of a positive impact myself.

So... I was first on Cit 10 years ago for PTSD, and levelled out after about a year, but remained on a reduced dose of 10mg ever since. Start of July, I decided to ween myself off. Doctor said 2 weeks on half dose, and then stop, which I don't think was a good idea.

At this very point, I had a misdiagnosis of going deaf in my left ear - a week later I find it was impacted wax, but this sent my anxious right back on track. I then had a severe onset of hives - face, arms, feet. Looked hideous. Felt awful in public. Doctor gave me anti-histamines - quite a high dose. Two days on, I woke with a pulse of 180bpm which nearly landed me in hospital (was a reaction to the meds). Days after, I started what I now know to be the usual anxiety "lump in the throat". Difficultly swallowing - you all know! But of course, by this time, I had hypochondria-fed anxiety.

Returned to the doc who put me on Sertraline (10mg) along with steroids for my throat. That week was just awful. By the weekend, I was suicidal and went to to a&e. They got a doctor to see me who told me to immediately stop the steroids as my throat was fine, and to go back to Cit, and couldn't believe the doc suggested another med.

I also had something of a relationship - very significant one - go sour at the same time. I don't think I will ever forget this part.

Anyway. Long story short - my story thus far;

• Weeks 1/2 - Usual side effects, felt very bad, but did my best to get thru.

• Week 3 - Glimmer of light as evenings became better. Mornings were still the enemy.

• Week 4 - Afternoons becoming more manageable, but a could of "blips"

• Week 5 - Had 5 days where I was 80% better... all day! Weekend say a blip again.

• Week 6 - Another 5 day felt around 90% and thought I was seeing the end

• Week 7 - Weekend and slowly since, feel like I am back to square one and a HUGE confidence hit. But is much more depression than anxiety - which was the initial issue.

Any thoughts at this point would be very gratefully received. I feel that I have a bad batch of pills all of a sudden. The progress has been so promising. There wasn't even a "trigger" last weekend that I know of.

Three sleepless nights. Resisting compounding my body with Valium and sleeping pills, but damn this is hard. So very hard.

Off to work soon, and not feeling in the least confident.

My warmest blessings to you all.

[Panic Stations]

Hi there,

I agree - this forum is great! There are some lovely people on here and it's good to know others that understand what we are all going through.

I am in a similar sort of boat to you in that I was put on Cit in 2012ish - 10mg then up to 20mg after a few weeks, stayed at 20 for a few years then down to 10mg. Started to wean myself off (after discussing with my doctor) but i didn't manage to completely stop before my anxiety flared up big time. At this point i was only taking one tablet every 3 or 4 days - so i started taking my 10mg every day again for 2ish weeks and have recently been upped to 20 again.
So far the mornings are bad for me too. I think week 7 is still fairly early days - like you said you were on it for a year before you were ready to reduce the dosage when you were on it before. I'd definitely give it some more time alongside self help books, i listen to audio books which i find really helpful. It sounds like your body has been thrown completely out of kilter with you being prescribed different meds all over the place, give your body sometime to settle down and get back to its normal flow.

[MindlessMechanic]

Thank you very much Panic Stations.

I am glad you consider week 7 to be early days. I think I figured that because I only stopped early July that some would still be in my system - but I doubt it works like that.

I spoke to a (hypnotherapist) friend yesterday who is convinced that all the stuff that happened to me was no coincidence of coming on as soon as I stopped the pills. 10 years of suppressed physical manifestations!

And self-help books - I have got as far as bookmarking on Amazon, but am very indecisive. I am drawn to mindfulness myself, but is there any that you might recommend?

Wishing you the best.

[Losethecloud]

Hello

I hope this response finds you on an upward curve!

Firstly let me say I can relate to your symptoms. I started on citalopram 20 mg 15 years ago and remained on them for 6 years. I gradually weaned off altogether for eighteen months but a series of events left me feeling low and I started them again. I always see a nasty run of severe side effects when I either start, increase or change/reduce my dose. I am on 30 mg for the last 11 months or so and it took longer for the side effects to ease when increasing from 20 to 30 mg. I had low mood, worsening of my anxiety and depression, stomach upsets, loss of appetite, fear and worry, extreme tiredness and a sense of unreality. Occasionally I have a blip wher I feel the meds are not doing their job and I experience the side effects again for some reason. It can take a couple of weeks or more to get over the blips. But get over them I do.

Seven weeks is early days. I guarantee within another month you will start to see a positive trend and better days coming. Stick with it. The hopelessness is part of the illness and the recovery.

Take care

[MindlessMechanic]

Thank you Losethecloud....

Had a nice little lift when I read your last little bit there. "Trend" is certainly a good word. My problem is that I think in far too much of a linear means. I always seek for reason in all things!

Ironically, I did see the fog lift a little over the weekend. I was advised to up dose from 20mg to 30mg, which commenced last Friday. Oddly enough, aside from being a little tired, I have not had any side effects from the increase. This was purely as a result of the initial dose seen working - like textbook - and then the huge drop. But like you say, these things can happen. I was in two minds to up the dose, but I did, so will have to see how it all goes.

I will of course report back so others in our situation can see what to expect.

In two minds whether to try stopping them again, but I am quite sure that doing so over two weeks is not how to do it judging by what else I have read - regardless of the dose.

[Howl]

It’s never going to be 100% effective, meds’ are there to bring you to a point where you are able to work on yourself.
I came off Citalopram because they made me feel groggy and I ended up sleeping every day in the afternoon, but it wasn’t until I came off them I realised how much they actually helped. Stick with it, it’ll get easier.

[MindlessMechanic]

Thank you Howl - I am also finding that I sleep a lot more than normal (when my brain doesn't rebel against me that is!). I think a lot of what happened with me stems from coming off too quick. I think more people need to be better advised about the risks of doing this - and it is thanks to this site that I saw the error. Shame I didn't see it sooner.

[MindlessMechanic]

UPDATE:

Following the week mentioned, I went into a phase of "good days", which lasted up to the start of this week. So the pattern, after the initial month, 5 "good", 7 "blip", 7 "good", 7 "blip" and then 11 "good". Yes I am on a blip again, but I am trying to look at the trend of increasing good days. It is not easy at the dawn of a new blip, but we have to keep going.

The difference in this blip is that I am quite sure what triggered it. I am too embarrassed to admit it - and right before the thoughts came "I am going to pay for this in the next day or two". And of course, negative thoughts will only encourage it further.

It has become so clear to me that although we have good days, we still need to care and be mindful. I hope that it helps people when I try to sum in saying... be happy and appreciate the good days, but do not take them for granted. Proceed with caution and be aware of any pitfalls!