New here. Really need a talking down atm :(

[Evwatt]

Bit of info:

I have crippling contamination OCD and health anxiety.

About a month ago I increased my dose of Lexapro from 10mg to 20mg. This cause substantial increase in anxiety and OCD, and it remained bad since then.

My biggest obsession, and has been for the past year is getting Rabies in extremely unlikely ways. in the past two weeks i've done some exposure stuff. Mostly just liking parts of my hands I think have been exposed to the virus...

Today, I've just come off a massive panic attack. I was walking along the river and felt a drop hit the skin below my eye. Note: its probably a 99% chance that it was backsplash from the coffee I was drinking, or it fell from the top of the lid when I put in on my mouth. So I felt that, and immediately I exposed myself by dragging my finger across the area and licking it. So that should be great right? WRONG, I got home and and allowed myself to see if bats where in my town or not (I've never seen one all my life). Guess what? The 1st rabies case in 20 years happened a very short distance away 2 WEEKS AGO

Now my brain is 100% sure that a rabid bat was flying overhead and drooled into my eye. The trail I was walking on is fairly popular and 5 people were in my vicinity when the drop fell. Surely someone would have noticed a rabid bad flying all over?

I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm going to the doctor on Thursday and explain why I need the vaccine. My sanity is on the line right now, I can't deal with this anymore. I know I need to work on my OCD with therapy, but this particular obsession is just too much. I know it's a ritual, but getting the vaccine will erase this fear for good. I need it

If anyone can convince me not to ask for the vaccine feel free. I'm at an all time low right now.

[au Lait]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've had a rabies focused health anxiety attack as well and it's not fun.

You don't need the vaccine. Rabies can't infect you that way. It can only be transferred via bite wound. You think that getting the vaccine will help but the truth is that it will only feed your need to validate your HA fears through reassurance. I'm speaking from personal experience on that one. I did get the vaccine in my case and it didn't help my HA at all. If anything, the whole experience exacerbated my HA to new and ridiculous heights. (And of course the animal that triggered my anxiety ended up being fine and was proven to not have rabies)

It's just like with OCD, engaging in the obsessions only feeds and validates the cycle. Getting the vaccine will only subconsciously reinforce your HA fears. Maybe you'll stop worrying about rabies for awhile, but then another fear will take its place. And since you validated the last fear, the next one will demand validation too.

You have to break the HA cycle. You already know you don't need the vaccine. It's just your anxiety trying to convince you otherwise. You can beat this, but giving in to it isn't the way.

[Darksky]

I think the vaccine will be pointless because your HA will not let that be the end of it. That's how it works, you close one alley off and it will immediately divert into another.

If you did get it, I wouldn't mind betting that you would have another bat worry within weeks. Then your mind would jump to, what if I had a faulty vaccine batch? What if the doctor didn't get it in right? What if this particular bat had a strain of rabies not covered by the vaccine? This is how HA works, you try to close it off by doing something you think will end it but it always finds another illogical scenario to terrorize you with.

When you go to the doctor I wouldn't bother with the vaccine but have a good long talk about your rabies fears/HA. Don't feed the monster.