Can anybody recommend a wash basket?

[pulisa]

Children aren't something to "acquire". They are a huge commitment.

[phil06]

Do you really think you could cope with a baby? All those germs and no control? The fears parenthood brings...the risk of passing on your anxieties..It's a minefield at the best of times.

No but do other people with ocd cope?

[Midnight-mouse]

No but do other people with ocd cope?

Some do, people that are completely set in their heart that they want kids will make it work. Although that’s not to say it’s always for the best, I can imagine in some situations it definitely leads to those children growing up and learning unhealthy traits from the parent, I think if you were to have children it’s something that’s worth considering, I know it’s something that I gave a lot of thought to when making my choice.

I know I could never do it, admittedly partially due to my illnesses, but I’m happy with my decision and the life that I will discover.


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[MyNameIsTerry]

Some do, people that are completely set in their heart that they want kids will make it work. Although that’s not to say it’s always for the best, I can imagine in some situations it definitely leads to those children growing up and learning unhealthy traits from the parent, I think if you were to have children it’s something that’s worth considering, I know it’s something that I gave a lot of thought to when making my choice.

I know I could never do it, admittedly partially due to my illnesses, but I’m happy with my decision and the life that I will discover.


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I've always thought it's best to sort yourself out first as the pressure of parenthood is huge. Being a GADer I've been concerned about coping with all that.

However, it's also worth remembering there is no such thing as perfect parents and irrespective of mental health disorders some parents are just naff. Personality, beliefs, morals, etc are all relevant here and someone with a mental health disorder could be a brilliant parent too whereas someone without could be a nightmare.

I think it is also important to separate social pressure to have children with whether you want them. I think phil needs to challenge his skewed thinking about why he must have children because xyz in society says so.

I also agree with pulisa about the leisure activities. Avoiding fear just means you stay in fear and a therapist would say push your boundaries but it's a question of priorities. Not just financial. Being able to cope daily is more important than fears you have to deal with a couple of times a year. Coping daily opens the rest of your world up anyway.

[pulisa]

I think Mouse has shown an incredibly mature and responsible attitude as regards her decision not to have children. Personally I admit that I feel I have held my children back in many ways thanks to my unresolved issues and I have certainly saddled them both with some unwished for traits. I regret that hugely. The most positive thing I can say is that I have been able to support them through their lives..so far...because I understand and can talk them through their fears and difficulties. As a family we are pretty dysfunctional but we have survived and they are both kind and decent adults.

[phil06]

Yeah I mean I want to fly but my anxiety stops me but I know 90% of where I want to visit in the world is Europe so I can take a train.

Having a family is difficult. It would have been easier for me when I was younger and wouldn’t think much of it. My ocd isn’t playing any part in my reason I am just quite selfish I want the time to myself and I don’t have time to bring somebody else up. My partner is laid back and doesn’t mind sure if an accident happened I guess you deal with it and you have a family then?

If if I am not going to drive, have a family, move house again, fly often then I need to reinvent myself so to speak and see what my purpose is? Can I be satisfied going on train on holiday? What else do I look forward to and what new goals do I set? I looked at an evening class at college but again this is another thing I done In the past three failed college courses and I quit them all.

[BlueIris]

Has it ever occurred to you to stop thinking about what you should do, and start thinking about what might be fun?

[phil06]

Has it ever occurred to you to stop thinking about what you should do, and start thinking about what might be fun?

Well I have no idea what would be fun.

[BlueIris]

This is the problem with anxiety - it steals you from yourself. You need to take some time and work out who you are just in terms of the small things.

[Dying_Swan]

Thing is Phil, you don't have to make final decisions about things right now. Deciding on whether to have children is by far the most significant of your possible plans, but it is something only you and your wife can decide. Your wife's feelings are just as important as yours and must be taken into account. I would agree with others that you should think very carefully before committing to having children. Kids will change your life considerably. They will poo, wee and vomit. They'll touch bins, toilets and door handles, and they'll pick up on any anxieties you may have. They will put an entirely different perspective on your life, which could be a good thing, or a very difficult thing. The most important thing is that they must be loved, wanted and prioritised. They are absolutely not something to acquire to tick a box, as many others have already said.

Flying, driving, London etc are far less significant and things that you can do if and when you feel ready. If that is never, so be it. I'm not you, but if I were, I think my aim right now would be to tackle the contamination fears. These seem to impact on every area of your life, not just leisure activities. I'm really pleased you touched the car door, but now you must refrain from replacing the door handle. Living with the anxiety is hard but it's the only way to beat it. There used to be a saying on here which you may remember....JFDI!