Anxiety, one year out. Got better, but coming back

[Probs92]

Hi all,

Last November I ended up falling down the anxiety rabbit hole. It was almost completely caused by work related stress induced anxiety. At the time my boss was a sociopathic psycho and I was dealing with the stress of coming out to my parents and close friends about my nontraditional relationship (I am a gay man). All of this compiled to create a physical manifestation of anxiety: I started developing what I thought was ALS. That's when I truly fell down that hellish rabbithole.

A month or so later, I was on the mend, almost completely better, but I read an article about transgender rights, and all the sudden started having a panic attack that I was going to turn into a trans person (and from a place of complete honesty, I never had that even cross my mind previously). Intrusive fears about trans people began plaguing my thoughts. Talking to other people in the anxiety community, I realized I wasn't alone with this relatively strange type of anxious thinking.

Almost a year deep, and my health anxiety goes away most of the time, but I do have flare ups so to speak about my health. I have trans fears a bit still, but not like I used to, it is mostly like "hey! You aren't worried about anything right now? Don't forget about trans fear!" Or sometimes, "did your head just hurt? Maybe it's something serious."

I guess my question is, will I ever get better? I have a therapist, I take paroxetine which has helped, I meditate almost every day. It has all taken my anxiety down, but I am noticing an up tick lately. I have a new job, and I'm remembering all these old fears. I am just concerned I'll never be back to normal again.

Fondly,

Someone who used to be bulletproof

[Darksky]

It's just intrusive thoughts.
Anxiety will never give you the thought, wow I really like the way I've done my hair today, because that's not frightening. It will always throw up something that involves fear, that's how it rolls. In your case it's the transgender thing.
It is however, just a thought, a harmless thought that your anx has thrown up.

[swgrl09]

I can relate. When I have periods where I feel better, I notice my mind throwing out random scary thoughts at me -like just keeping me in check. It's a coping mechanism that my brain is just used to using and keeps trying to use even though it doesn't work. But if you can just notice it, accept it, and move on, it doesn't give that thought power. I know this is way easier said than done.

[Probs92]

Cool. You know I've tried meditating and practicing noting, but it is not easy. How do you do it?

[swgrl09]

I'm going through a blip/rough patch myself, so by all means I don't have it mastered. I have tried some meditations/guided exercises that seem to make it a little easier for me. Sometimes it is harder than others. Honestly right now I have to go back on my meds too. A combination of both seems to work for me.

I think the fear and anxiety of my fear and anxiety getting worse makes me spiral so I try to ground myself in one day at a time. Again - not really working right now as well as I'd like, but has in the past when I am in a better place.