guilt and disgust over my teenage past

[eglantine6]

When I was 14 I was hanging around with a girl and she was not a very good influence on me. Although I thought it was great at the time! As she was fun. She knew these two boys and we were hanging around with them. We went to their house and that's when I had sex for the first time. I didn't really want to do it and I felt nervous. I wanted to fit in and seem cool I guess. I regret having sex. I didn't know them and I didn't like them. I didn't know their age, what they liked, or anything about them! They didn't even care about me either.

It wasnt until a while after I found out their ages I think one of them was 12! I now feel sick that I was 14 and one of them was 12. But I wasn't to know and they were the ones who had sex before I think, so I assumed they were my age or older maybe.
It was so long ago now nearly 15 years ago! But it comes back this memory sometimes and I feel really guilty that I should have known better and I feel sick that one of them was 12 or Both of them even.

Please, could anybody help me with how to deal with this guilt? I suffer from anxiety already and I keep thinking I'm some sort of pedophile!

thanks for reading.

[swgrl09]

For what it's worth, you were both young. It would be alarming if you were 18 having sex with a 12 year old, but 12 and 14 does not make you a pedophile. People mature at different rates.

[ana]

You are most certainly not a paedophile when you were a child yourself when that happened.
Whilst I can't offer any useful advice on guilt, I can tell you that holding on to the past can only bring you more pain. If you feel like you can't move on, maybe you should talk to someone about it?

Teenagers feel invincible and peer acceptance is important to them, so whatever choices they make, it's highly unlikely those choices will be clever ones. Forgive yourself for poor choices and allow yourself to move on knowing your experiences, good or bad, have shaped you into the person you are now.

[eglantine6]

thanks for the replies, the guilt came for no reason when this thought never bothered me before.