Quote Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry View Post
You're asking me if I sleep? You're on when I am. Yep, it's one of the issues I've struggled with over the years. My daily routine got later & later until I was living at night instead. Since change was a massive problem for me (and early on even changing clothes was a challenge, washing, etc I used to sit on the settee all day and be afraid of moving or brushing my teeth, eating, etc) I was very afraid of moving my day around. The first couple of years I would panic every bank holiday because my fixed daily routine was forced to change.

I've broken a lot of it up now, after trying & failing so many times over the years, so it's less of a problem but it's still something I'm working on. So, at the moment I sleep in two periods most days so I'm doing stuff the rest of the time. But I can break it, it's more keeping it going that's the issue.

Thanks. It took about two years sorting out the compulsions. I didn't have them until I relapsed and started a med that ramped up my anxiety much worse and weeks later it all started. The first year was a real hell and little to no progress was made. But after that I found my way with exposure work and it got there.

My anxiety came after burning out at work when I was 30. Before that things were fine. I didn't address as much as I needed to, came off a SSRI about 4 years later and 6 months later hit a relapse. Been working on it ever since. The first few years were a total mess really.

I know what you mean about getting back to some sort of normal. I'm much better than I was but it seemed to be a matter of trying & trying until bit by bit I ended up in a better place. It was all stop-start, stop-start, success then stumbling block, hit a rut, backslide a bit, lurch forward. I can understand why Dr Weekes termed it "layers" as I felt like I jumped forward as I moved into a new "stage". Some stages I got not very far, some I did. It was such a slow process as it sounds like it was for you. I'm taking it as slow as I need to this time, I rushed things the first time and paid the price for it.

I was new to OCD back then, didn't have a clue about it so thought I was going crazy. It did help to read about it and realise it's just part of the disorder. For me it didn't so much feel that I completely believed more that I was too afraid to not agree with it and stay trapped by my behaviours that kept it going. It's one of the reasons the repetitive HAers don't bother me, when my compulsions were at their worst I spent most of my day on them and nothing changed that, I didn't know how to cope without them. It felt like a curse and I would remain like that forever. It took me ages to realise I didn't have to live like that, post CBT therapy, when I felt myself changing again. OCD, GAD, PTSD, etc they can all be so horrible when you feel like it's normal or correct to be suffering.

I bet you have lots of experience of your own fighting this monster, especially having it so long. I wish the NHS would put it's work into kids, catching it early gives the best chance before all the ingrained thinking sets in. The same with adults really. It feels like such a false economy only getting to people later on.


Ahhh I know my work routine is so messed up, I work for older and poorly people so it's all over the place as someone has sadly passed away. I miss my bed now though!

That sucks having to do everything a night but I bet it's a lot different, you get to see the world in a different way - I love walking my dogs at night etc, I hate the day time sometimes, do you get the normal 8 hours?

Sorry to hear you burned out it's a real shame when that happens as you're so used to being okay and then all of a sudden you're thrown with anxiety, it happens to so many people but a lot more males struggle with it I guess they're brought up to be "tough"

Yes rushing things really does make it worse I think when you first think "I'm going to get better now" you have a expectation of waking up fine I know I did and it was a false reality it made me much worse. I couldn't leave the house and didn't leave the house for 4/5 months you could imagine how that went drove me looney, I'm glad to hear you're taking it slow sometimes it's not even about getting fully better it's more about trying to live with what you have without it being as big of a deal, if that makes sense.

I bet if you don't know much about OCD that can be very frightening because you must feel like you said that you're going crazy, especially if you're used to feeling 'normal' it's good you have a real understanding of people with HA sometimes I feel like it can annoy me/others but really it is the same as anxiety OCD sometimes you can't just get over it no matter how many times people tell you - luckily I don't have HA I can imagine how terrible it would be now aswell with google you can get so much false information now a days and literally self diagnose.

The NHS is quite bad when you go as a child I remember my mother took me and they told me to go outside a bit more etc, I didn't get any help till I was old enough to explain myself and actually talk to someone about how I felt which is extremely difficult I wanted the floor to suck me up but I had to get better for myself otherwise life will just pass me by.

Working with older people it really does put me off getting old, I work with one lady who tells me she prays to die every night. It really is sad.