Things are quite difficult.
I'm not sure about the new job and it's hard to focus or settle in when my mind is full of fertility problems. I don't really talk to anybody. I'm having to book time off work for blood tests and compulsory counselling sessions at the fertility clinic.
IVF treatment is very expensive. I didn't want to have to think about this now but if I don't then I'm basically accepting the reality that I'll never have children. How can I do that?
My AMH is 8.7 pmol/l, which is really quite low, and my FSH is to be tested soon. My endometrium is also on the thin side, never going over 7.4cm, and I'm having a barrage of other blood tests too.
My TSH is 2.99 which I thought was fine but my consultant has said that ideally for pregnancy it should be below 2.5 to reduce miscarriage risk. A higher level could be indicative of subclinical hypothyroidism which is, as it happens, linked to low ovarian reserve. I'm not sure if I could take levothyroxine for this. I'm having it tested again first.
I may also take heparin to reduce the risk of blood clots, another cause of miscarriage.
Plus progesterone and a bunch of supplements.
I might do all this and spend all this money and have no success. I am not even sure I am stable enough to go through pregnancy. I did try to move on from what happened, by moving towns and changing jobs, but of course it followed me and as it turns out I was right all along and there really is something wrong with me, something I need to address now if I am ever to have children.
I just want to sleep forever. I don't know what I'm doing.