I know, I have my next therapy on Tuesday. I've just really started feeling paranoid about this now. I have absolutely no spotting at all at the moment and my period is due on Tuesday so normally I would have some spotting by now. I am spiralling a little bit at this point. I'm so scared of taking a pregnancy test over the next few days and seeing that second line slowly materialise.
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
I haven't... she charges by the hour, so it would be really expensive.
I can't help thinking that the bleeding and cramping yesterday was implantation bleeding, since I haven't had any today. That means I wouldn't get a positive test for another couple of days minimum.
BS!!! Stop it for goodness sakes already!! You can't be charged for what she reads privately! You just C&P the thread into a word doc and email it to her asking that she read it prior to your next session. You explain that you've been posting on an anxiety website documenting your experience for the last few months. I would imagine she has no idea what we know as you've expressed trepidation to this suggestion.
No one can make you do it but if everyone here can see your skewed thought processes, certainly she will too and it would be an invaluable asset for her to treat you properly.
FMP
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
Idk, I think it's different in the UK... she wouldn't spend hours reading it without me paying her. Besides, I've told her everything. She knows how obsessive and irrational I've been, and how extreme some of my behaviours have been... everything I've said on here.
I just need to know I'm not pregnant and then I'll be ok again. I was basically much better. If I'm not pregnant I'll be back at work on the 20th, functioning normally, and will never have unsafe sex again.
Again I call BS. It wouldn't take "hours" to read this thread. You know it, I know it, we all know it Your patterns are so predictable and it vividly illustrates your thought processes.
I'm sorry, I just don't believe you've shared as much as you say. Your aversion to my suggestion and frankly lame excuses clearly illustrate that. You say you'll be so much better once you know for sure your not pregnant but you have a penchant for self-destructive/self harming behavior that will continue to repeat itself unless there's some intervention and you learn to put a stop to it. You can't do this on your own. You need the help of a professional and that professional needs to read this thread! You have that professional. Get your money's worth!
I confidently predict that when, not if, you confirm you're not pregnant, something else will come up and this will continue ad nauseum. I've been here long enough to recognize it. You can get the "Told you so gang" to tell me if I'm wrong.
FMP
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
I think it's different this time though. I actually was better. Really better. Then I did just that one stupid thing, which I will NEVER do again, and it's messed me up. But if this resolves, I'll be back in that good place.
I've told her about the obsessive pregnancy testing, the cervical exams, reading the entire colposcopy manual, the premonition, the constant disbelief of doctors, my unshakeable belief that I had GTD / cervical cancer, the amount of money I spent on home anaemia kits and other unnecessary equipment, that I took and tested my own blood... I've been pretty comprehensive. I'm even going to raise on Tuesday that I'm worried about doing something else to self destruct because I still can't do fully understand why I had unprotected sex and didn't stop him at one of many opportunities. If I do have a tendency to self destruct these days, I obviously want to nip that in the bud!
"Originally Posted by Fishmanpa
Again I call BS. It wouldn't take "hours" to read this thread. You know it, I know it, we all know it Your patterns are so predictable and it vividly illustrates your thought processes.
I'm sorry, I just don't believe you've shared as much as you say. Your aversion to my suggestion and frankly lame excuses clearly illustrate that. You say you'll be so much better once you know for sure your not pregnant but you have a penchant for self-destructive/self harming behavior that will continue to repeat itself unless there's some intervention and you learn to put a stop to it. You can't do this on your own. You need the help of a professional and that professional needs to read this thread! You have that professional. Get your money's worth!
I confidently predict that when, not if, you confirm you're not pregnant, something else will come up and this will continue ad nauseum. I've been here long enough to recognize it. You can get the "Told you so gang" to tell me if I'm wrong.
FMP"
I said I wouldn't post on this thread again but will reply to your post FMP.
I totally agree with you, the counselor would be given info on a 'need to know' basis.
Also any rational thinking person would know to keep the emergency copper coil in place until their period started and then get it removed!
I figured it would be ok since the pill delayed my ovulation as it was supposed to and my doctor reckoned it would be safe. However, the clinic's policy was to wait 3 weeks. I don't know, perhaps they know better than my doctor.
But now I really am getting quite scared. I haven't been googling much at all recently but today I have. I've read about people who didn't get a positive test for days and days after their missed period... particularly with ectopic pregnancies.
I guess at the time I just thought, well, the MAP worked after all, as ovulation was delayed, so there's no need to keep the coil in... it'll just have provided a bit of extra protection by hopefully disabling any remaining sperm. But I don't know if the copper laden solution would also penetrate the fallopian tubes and disable any sperm waiting there. If not, it would be a simple thing for one of those sperm to fertilise the egg as it was released. And the bleeding and cramping yesterday could have been implantation.
So far I don't have tender nipples, which was my first symptom last time, and happened before I got a positive test. God, I am pretty scared.
---------- Post added at 23:23 ---------- Previous post was at 23:03 ----------
And, truly, I'm holding nothing back from my therapist. Why would I?
I tried before to print this entire thread but even on print view it is still dozens of pages on this website so printing it, or copying and pasting the text, would be very laborious.
It's not even that though. I'd feel a bit like I was taking the piss to present my therapist with a Word document that was so many pages long and ask her to read it! It would take her such a long time, and I can't imagine she'd do it for free. I'd certainly not assume that she would, but I don't want to pay her £80 or so to read it all!
I've already told her everything, anyway. Everything I can think of. More than I've written on here with regards to my relationship, in fact.
I do appreciate all the advice and suggestions though. I'm just hoping against hope I'm not pregnant. I just want too go back to work as planned and put this latest debacle behind me.
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