Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

[O_O]

Thank you Ellie, I hope you're right. Honestly though I think if you could see this irregular red thing on my cervix you'd be :/

The other most irregular looking ectropion I can find is: https://s0www.utdlab.com/contents/im...&elapsedTimeMs

Obviously don't look if you don't want to see a graphic cervix photo. My ectropion is more irregular than that, with like this red arm reaching upwards. It's shaped like a ****ing holly leaf or something.

I guess it could have been damaged while they were removing bits of tissue and during the MVA. I just don't know. I'm finding it so hard to believe that this is nothing.

I will update tomorrow.

---------- Post added at 17:28 ---------- Previous post was at 17:26 ----------

Thanks NervUs too... yes, I have tried that tactic too! But then I do get very sad and think about leaving my poor mother behind, and all the things I'll miss out on, and mourn my past life which was really very good... and which I want back so badly.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Oh yes that's definitely what did this to me. Before, I had some anxiety and some OCD tendencies, but I was fine. A successful, happy human being.

Now I'm just a skin sack of anxiety and OCD. The doctors kept getting it wrong. I don't trust them. I'm still not convinced I'm not going to die soon.

Then it sounds like a breakdown to me and under the circumstances it could happen to anyone. Therapy would be a good place to start and maybe they need to look at the impact of grief and whether you are struggling to move on (which I'm sure you will know in yourself it's a major factor).

If your overall levels of anxiety came down, I bet your obsessive-compulsive cycle would become more manageable and easier for you to work on cutting out these compulsions. At my worst I couldn't stop but as I got the GAD down, which was making me constantly highly anxious, I found the OCD started to fade.

[O_O]

Then it sounds like a breakdown to me and under the circumstances it could happen to anyone. Therapy would be a good place to start and maybe they need to look at the impact of grief and whether you are struggling to move on (which I'm sure you will know in yourself it's a major factor).

If your overall levels of anxiety came down, I bet your obsessive-compulsive cycle would become more manageable and easier for you to work on cutting out these compulsions. At my worst I couldn't stop but as I got the GAD down, which was making me constantly highly anxious, I found the OCD started to fade.

I have thought I may have had a breakdown. That's what it seems like. It was so sudden (happened when they told me the retained tissue was actually 7cm and I'd need an operation... before then I was fine), and completely debilitating, and I've been like this ever since. But I'm not sure breakdowns are actually medically recognised conditions?!

I try to remember the things the doctors were right about. They said my anaemia would improve with ferrous sulphate, and it did even though I was convinced it was getting worse. They said the MVA wouldn't perforate my womb, and it didn't. They said my ovarian cyst would resolve, and it did. They said I didn't have GTD and I don't (so far!) even though I was so sure. They said my HCG would drop and that my cycles would return, which was the really big one for me, the one I truly never believed... but that has now happened too. In spite of the extreme anxiety, and in spite of the big weight loss, I got my periods back. Which has been the one thing to help me move on from the actual miscarriage.

I also try to remember to be grateful for things. I'm so lucky to have such a supportive mother. I'm lucky that my father can support me financially if needed. I'm lucky to have people who love me a lot and will always look after me. I'm lucky that my work is being so understanding. I'm lucky that my doctor is spending so much time on me, even though she thinks I'm bonkers.

Sorry about how self indulgent this all is. I never used to just go on and on about myself like this.

[pulisa]

I think it's good that you can recognise how self indulgent HA can make you and how you focus totally on your perceived "illness" to the detriment of others around you. I hope your Mum is not too exhausted by all this. As a carer myself, we are often forgotten but it's very tiring doing all the support work too.

[O_O]

I think it's good that you can recognise how self indulgent HA can make you and how you focus totally on your perceived "illness" to the detriment of others around you. I hope your Mum is not too exhausted by all this. As a carer myself, we are often forgotten but it's very tiring doing all the support work too.

I do worry that I'm making her stressed or sad. She says I'm not though, and she'll just keep feeding me and looking after me until I'm better (or dead, I guess...)

She's the best mum in the world!

[pulisa]

I think she should encourage you to start looking after yourself again. Don't rely on her to give yourself more time to research and investigate your symptoms. If you're able to be motivated by your HA you are able to prepare yourself a meal

[KK77]

I do worry that I'm making her stressed or sad. She says I'm not though, and she'll just keep feeding me and looking after me until I'm better (or dead, I guess...)

She's the best mum in the world!

Time to put this in perspective, Jenny. Cervical Cancer is not a death sentence, even if you do have it, which is very unlikely based on what your doctors have said. If there are abnormal/precursor cells present they can be removed with treatment.

Be aware that you are catastrophising: no one is saying you do have cancer but it is not the "end" if you do. There are many survivors of cancer these days so it's certainly NOT a death sentence - especially if caught early on.

All the best for tomorrow.

[Ellient]

Time to put this in perspective, Jenny. Cervical Cancer is not a death sentence, even if you do have it, which is very unlikely based on what your doctors have said. If there are abnormal/precursor cells present they can be removed with treatment.

Be aware that you are catastrophising: no one is saying you do have cancer but it is not the "end" if you do. There are many survivors of cancer these days so it's certainly NOT a death sentence - especially if caught early on.

All the best for tomorrow.

100%.

[O_O]

Sure, I get it's not a death sentence.

I did always think I'd die in surgery though. Even if I didn't, I'd be infertile.

Anyway, hopefully it's not that.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I have thought I may have had a breakdown. That's what it seems like. It was so sudden (happened when they told me the retained tissue was actually 7cm and I'd need an operation... before then I was fine), and completely debilitating, and I've been like this ever since. But I'm not sure breakdowns are actually medically recognised conditions?!

I try to remember the things the doctors were right about. They said my anaemia would improve with ferrous sulphate, and it did even though I was convinced it was getting worse. They said the MVA wouldn't perforate my womb, and it didn't. They said my ovarian cyst would resolve, and it did. They said I didn't have GTD and I don't (so far!) even though I was so sure. They said my HCG would drop and that my cycles would return, which was the really big one for me, the one I truly never believed... but that has now happened too. In spite of the extreme anxiety, and in spite of the big weight loss, I got my periods back. Which has been the one thing to help me move on from the actual miscarriage.

I also try to remember to be grateful for things. I'm so lucky to have such a supportive mother. I'm lucky that my father can support me financially if needed. I'm lucky to have people who love me a lot and will always look after me. I'm lucky that my work is being so understanding. I'm lucky that my doctor is spending so much time on me, even though she thinks I'm bonkers.

Sorry about how self indulgent this all is. I never used to just go on and on about myself like this.

Breakdown is an old term, these days they need a suitably complicated set of words to sound more authorative . So, whilst there may be names for certain periods of a breakdown or type, it's still a significant event in your life that has overwhelmed you (and very understandably so).

With me it was a matter of work stress. I lived for it but I didn't see little signs here & there and I was working myself into the ground. Then one day I came in a bit hungover and had an anxiety attack at my desk. It went from there. Within a matter if months I spiralled after takig time off and having other panics (when lifting weights and taking supplements, I took something legal that was too strong for me and had a massive rush of adrenaline for 30 minutes with my chest bursting) and ended up a quivering mess. But I was always heading that way from when it started.

So, regardless of the labels you have an event to point to which has been the cause of creating your intense anxiety. Whether we call it a trigger event, a breakdown, blah blah, it amounts to the same really. A sudden event causing an overwhelming level of anxiety & panic and a downward spiral.

Given the traumatic event that caused this it could even be PTSD but I don't know as much about that. AntsyVee knows lots about PTSD so maybe she wll spot your thread. It's for your GP to say but it helps to make some sense of what is going on. And no matter what it is, you can come back from it. It may take time, it may be a matter of ups & downs as recovery is always a bumpy process but you won't stay like this.

Whilst you are clearly struggling with your anxiety I think it's really encouraging that you can still find counter evidence and look to the things you can be grateful for. Some stuck in these cycles just don't seem to be able to alter their focus away from their obsessions. And it's something I picked up on because I've seen you posting to help others despite being stuck in these cycles yourself - some can't do that either.

I'm glad to hear you have support, it's crucial knowing you have help in the real world to give you some stability right now.