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Thread: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

  1. #1281
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Things are quite difficult.

    I'm not sure about the new job and it's hard to focus or settle in when my mind is full of fertility problems. I don't really talk to anybody. I'm having to book time off work for blood tests and compulsory counselling sessions at the fertility clinic.

    IVF treatment is very expensive. I didn't want to have to think about this now but if I don't then I'm basically accepting the reality that I'll never have children. How can I do that?

    My AMH is 8.7 pmol/l, which is really quite low, and my FSH is to be tested soon. My endometrium is also on the thin side, never going over 7.4cm, and I'm having a barrage of other blood tests too.

    My TSH is 2.99 which I thought was fine but my consultant has said that ideally for pregnancy it should be below 2.5 to reduce miscarriage risk. A higher level could be indicative of subclinical hypothyroidism which is, as it happens, linked to low ovarian reserve. I'm not sure if I could take levothyroxine for this. I'm having it tested again first.

    I may also take heparin to reduce the risk of blood clots, another cause of miscarriage.

    Plus progesterone and a bunch of supplements.

    I might do all this and spend all this money and have no success. I am not even sure I am stable enough to go through pregnancy. I did try to move on from what happened, by moving towns and changing jobs, but of course it followed me and as it turns out I was right all along and there really is something wrong with me, something I need to address now if I am ever to have children.

    I just want to sleep forever. I don't know what I'm doing.

  2. #1282
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    I've followed your story, O_O, and I'm so sorry you seem to be suffering like this.



    I hate to say it, though, but are you sure that a child wouldn't exacerbate your health anxiety issues? Kids get sick on a regular basis, after all, often scarily so. This sounds brutal, and I'm sorry, but it was a dilemma I went through myself a few years back. In the end, I decided that it wouldn't be fair to inflict my own neuroses on a small person. Luckily, my other half didn't particularly want one, and even more luckily, the biological urge to have kids subsided in my early thirties.


    Only you really know yourself, of course, but I think you really need to think hard about this and consider the wider ramifications - I promise, life without kids can still be fun and exciting and fulfilling.

  3. #1283
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    I've followed your story, O_O, and I'm so sorry you seem to be suffering like this.



    I hate to say it, though, but are you sure that a child wouldn't exacerbate your health anxiety issues? Kids get sick on a regular basis, after all, often scarily so. This sounds brutal, and I'm sorry, but it was a dilemma I went through myself a few years back. In the end, I decided that it wouldn't be fair to inflict my own neuroses on a small person. Luckily, my other half didn't particularly want one, and even more luckily, the biological urge to have kids subsided in my early thirties.


    Only you really know yourself, of course, but I think you really need to think hard about this and consider the wider ramifications - I promise, life without kids can still be fun and exciting and fulfilling.
    Thank you for your thoughts - I can see why you would think that.

    The thing is, I have always wanted to be a mother. Before last year I was a normal, happy, functional woman like anyone else. I can't just accept that because something bad happened to me, which I did not cope well with, I have to give up on having a family. I think I would be a good mother.

    I am single and I expect I always will be because the man I love is with somebody else. I have no siblings. My parents are old. I don't want to be left with no family. That doesn't seem like something I should just have to accept. Nobody deserves to be all alone.

  4. #1284
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Quote Originally Posted by O_O View Post
    I am single and I expect I always will be because the man I love is with somebody else. I have no siblings. My parents are old. I don't want to be left with no family. That doesn't seem like something I should just have to accept. Nobody deserves to be all alone.
    I get the impression that you are in victim mode! We've all been in love with someone and it hasn't worked out and that person has moved on with another, that's what people do and it's one of life's experiences/lessons. We feel devastated for a while then get over it and move on. I can't imagine pining for someone who loves another, what a fruitless, immature exercise. It will however keep you stuck in the past (in a fantasy) and prevent you from moving forward into reality. This actually tests your level of emotional maturity. Being mature enough to step outside yourself and see the bigger picture and to make good choices.

    A child can not be a replacement for an adult relationship and to do so is selfish and has ramifications down the line for the unfortunate child.

    You are still young, younger than both my daughters, both of whom have careers and partners, but no children. In fact my youngest has chosen not to have children and her partner is fine with that. They are busy living life and enjoying themselves. My eldest has fertility issues (endometriosis and polycystic ovaries), she is aware of this and would like children but it doesn't consume her life. She's 34 and only met her partner 3 years ago.

    You really do need to think about what you really want out of life.
    Learning to be positive will give you more of what you want in your life.
    Learning how to identify the healthy qualities you need in a partner.
    Learning how to have a healthy relationship with a loving partner is important and then planning a future together is a priority before thinking of children.

    You like to read, so grab some books about Emotional IQ and see if you have some 'light bulb moments'. See if you can become a happier more positive version of yourself.

  5. #1285
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Get your MH under control and think about fostering a child,there are kids out in this world who need placement.
    Good post WiseMonkey

  6. #1286
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Wise words from a Wise Monkey

    I think your anxiety and fear of being alone is making you jump the gun. First you need to establish a solid relationship where there is love and care. That will be obstructed and delayed if you don't let go of past relationships. Once you have this, you can think about bringing a child into this world - whether through IVF/surrogacy, natural conception or even adoption.
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  7. #1287
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    I see that sounded victim-y. I didn't really mean it like that. I didn't mean to sound all woe-is-me, he doesn't love me, etc. I just meant that he was the one for me so finding somebody else might not work.

    For what it's worth, he does love me. If he didn't I'd probably look at things differently. Under different circumstances we'd have been really happy. But, he was with her before he was with me, and even though they split up they have a child and ultimately he wants to be in that family unit. Plus, I do believe that he loves her. Maybe not romantically but they are good parents and they're making it work.

    I honestly thought that he would be miserable without me but I think he's happy. He loves being a father, and being there all the time now, and he seems less selfish than he used to. So I guess he did make the right choice. He started talking recently about how maybe we could be friends at least, and spend time together, because even if he could just see me sometimes he'd feel better, but I'm not sure how good an idea that is. He said that he thinks he made the right decision and he stands by it but that he still finds it hard to accept that one day we won't be together. I think that's kind of a crappy thing to say.

    I just love him anyway though. I'll always just love him.

    I think you're right that I shouldn't have to try to have a baby right away. I do need to go through IVF now (recommended by two consultants) because of my weirdly low ovarian reserve but if there are any good embryos I can just freeze them for now and hope they'll work in the future.

    Conceiving naturally won't be an option unfortunately, or very unlikely at any rate - and the odds get a little worse with every passing month. Certainly in another year my ovarian reserve will be significantly worse, and it's already bad, so I do have to act quickly.

    If I can't find a partner then I will try to become a mother anyway, though. Not as a replacement for a man! I do understand that having a child isn't a replacement for having a romantic relationship, and vice versa. I wanted to be a mum before I even got with my ex, and I had accepted the notion of doing it by myself eventually if needs be. Mind you, I was a normal, happy, stable person back then. When I got with my ex I realised it was him I wanted as the father of my children. Even though I'm not with him now and may never be (not for like 20 years anyway) the desire to be a mother is just as strong.
    Last edited by O_O; 02-12-18 at 12:18.

  8. #1288
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Stop thinking about this guy, and start trying to get well and find somebody who'll make you their first choice.

    And please, for the sake of any child you have, get yourself in a better emotional place before you think about being a mother. It's an incredibly, unbelievably tough thing to do even if you're emotionally stable (you admitted you're not), and it's not fair to inflict your own neuroses on your child.

  9. #1289
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    For about five years if not more, I was in love with a guy, like really in love, he had a girlfriend of many years and things where not that great. It was my first love and I was very naive and thought he was my soulmate and it was too bad he was “stuck” with his girlfriend because of kids, when he said he loved me! He told me it was bad timing and we should have met at another time in life.

    At some point I tried to get away from it all, but he kept saying we should be friends or kept contact with me on social media, it was very difficult.

    I finally managed to get away and two years ago I met a guy I really liked, seven months ago we got together, my very first boyfriend actually, it is only now I see how full of crap the other guy was, Now I know how it is to love someone who loves you back and I now all the feeling from before was very one sided. I think he liked to have me around and he liked to be loved and desired, but that is not love that’s very selfish.

    I’m not saying this guy isn’t loving you, He probably think he is, but is selfish! He made a choice to be with her and therefore he should let you go, he should not be asking you for friendship.

  10. #1290
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    Re: Cervical and uterine pain and symptoms

    Thank you all for your advice.

    I will keep trying to forget him! I don't know why even after not seeing him for months and months it's no easier. It feels like I'll never be over him but hopefully in time it'll become less intense.

    You're all right that I shouldn't have a baby yet. I think I'm too scared to be pregnant anyway. I have to do the IVF now, but I'll freeze any embryos (if there are any). I'm having them chromosomally screened too. I just wish I knew what caused the miscarriages. If it was something as simple as a chromosomal abnormality then screening the embryos should solve my problem but if it's not that then there's something wrong with me - a hormonal imbalance or some undiagnosed condition - and it might not be fixable.

    Tomorrow I have my first blood tests before my treatment can be planned. I also have a session with a fertility counsellor.

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