Waiting for results and terrified of melanoma

[Charloco]

Like most people here I need to preface this by saying I have severe HA which has spiralled out of control since I had my daughter two years ago.

In recent months I have been ok, then yesterday I rubbed my arm and felt a raised mole - on inspection I decided it had changed and went into FULL on panic. I couldn't speak or eat for the rest of the day over the terror of the mole (this was Sunday here in NZ so no docs open).

I went to the doctor as soon as I could this morning (I am there at least once a month) and he inspected it. He said he didn't think there was an pigmentation change and it was small (around 3mm) but I KNOW it has changed colour. I've gone through all my past photos but they're not clear enough to see it properly. In recent months I've also tried really hard not to look at myself because I often have a melanoma panic attack.

Anyway, I asked the doctor if it could be removed and he said yes that he could do a punch biopsy, which he did. But he also told me I couldn't get every mole I spotted biopsied because that wouldn't help my anxiety.

I asked him if he thought it was bad and he said he thought it looked fine. But usually he's much quicker with reassurance about my moles and this has worried me as he was a bit 'hhmmmmm' about it.

But now I have to wait a week for the results and I am TERRIFIED. I can't work or look after my daughter, all I do is Google (bad, I know) and read posts on here to try and make myself feel better. I know worrying can't do anything but I am so sick of HA and SO sick of cancer fears. It is truly ruining my life.

[Kathryn313]

Hi. It is great that you are rational enough to note and recognise you have HA. What therapy have you tried to help treat it?

[Charloco]

Thanks for your reply. I currently take Escitalopram (I've been off an on it for years) and started seeing a counsellor but I didn't like her so I have to find a new one. I do well for months and then something happens (like this mole) to send in into a FULL blown panic attack. I know every single symptom and prognosis of every single cancer. My Dad died of a brain tumour when I was 9 so I know why I do it, but it takes over my life.