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Thread: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    It was my birthday today. The first birthday without my mum as she passed away 6 months ago. I don't hear from any of the so-called family anymore and as I don't go around announcing; "It's my birthday, it's my birthday", consequently I have had a very sad and lonely day.
    I feel I have no-one who cares anymore and because I still very sensitive over my mum's passing and finding it very difficult to lead my life, I don't join in any forum threads.
    I'm a bundle of nerves, with shaking over every day tasks and feel so frightened and alone, almost fading in to the distance.
    I have no purpose, no ambitions and spend most days crying because I feel so unloved. My partner treats me like a chamber maid and any love that may have been there is just a distant memory now.
    I don't know which way to turn and what to do with myself.
    I don't even know why I writing any of this, because it makes me feel so pathetic and needy. But I am and. I suppose searching for an answer or just a voice that can reassure me that there is something out there for me.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    5,156

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Oh Carnation, I am so sorry to hear this. Of course you are going to struggle, as your mother's passing is so very recent and raw. I am glad you posted something even though you haven't been joining threads and didn't want to say anything. Please don't feel pathetic or needy at all. It takes strength to post something like this.

    I lost my mom almost 7 years ago and my birthday still isn't the same. I am like you - I don't go around announcing it or planning celebrations, so it usually goes by quietly. The first few years were so painful, and it still is on certain days, but now I'm a little more reflective about it.

    Do you have any friends who know what you are going through? I can't speak for your partner, but I can't imagine what it must feel like to not feel like you are getting support or love in your relationship when you need it the most. If you are anything like me, I am wondering if you close off and don't say anything to them? I think friends and family sometimes don't know what to say or do and assume we are okay just because we aren't vocalizing how we feel when we really are struggling.

    The time after a major loss can be confusing, disorienting, isolating, enraging, etc. I could go on. It may take some time before you know how to create meaning out of this time in your life. I felt in a very dark place for a few years there. It took the support of some good therapists and being willing to take risks by opening up about it in order to start to move through things. But even though it feels awful now, you will get there in time. I know it. Please be patient with yourself and kind to yourself. And continue to talk on here about it. When I had no friends I felt safe talking to, I came on here. It was a little easier and I found support.


  3. #3

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    It's certainly tough losing your mum, im sorry for your lose. I lost my mum, sister and my dad has had a stroke. So i do feel some of your pain. Would be great to find a hobby to get your mind off things. But most of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I have had some pretty crappy birthdays, but hey, regardless, its your birthday and we're thinking of you today.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Thank you for your kind words RJ Jones.
    Birthdays always seem to bring out the worst of everything.

    swgrl, so lovely to hear from you. I really didn't expect to get any replies at all.
    I assumed that I had been forgotten due to more long spell of absence from here.
    I thought I was doing alright jogging along in my own little world, but I'm not!
    I miss my mu so much. I even have dreams of her. I feel so alone without her.
    My O/H seems to have changed towards me or is it the way I feel or act? I don't know.
    I just feel so alone and sad. I think everyone hates me. How can anyone like me, I feel nothing. I feel numb.
    Maybe you are right about closing off. I don't like to depress people or show my true feelings. My partner knows I struggle with the loss of my mum, but says nothing!
    I have one friend I speak to, but I feel I have hit a brick wall/dead end now.
    Sorry, you are so kind with problems of your own. I do appreciate your reply. x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    1,973

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Hi carnation , so sorry you had a rubbish birthday , its still early days since losing your mum and there is no time limit on grief, I know your situation isn't great but you really need to make some time for you , nobody hates you or has forgotten you .
    Take care my freind

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    494

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Happy Birthday Buster
    I Hope you have a lovely day and get spoiled
    lot.s of love to you
    celticlass xxx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    27,320

    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Hi Carnation

    Damn it!!! This slipped my mind too. so give me a

    It sounds like it's all piling on top of you at the moment and when that happens it can be hard to see anything positive in the world. But people do care and already those who know you have spotted this and want to reassure you that you still have friends here.

    Things do move on around here and some have left, lots of new people have joined. But there still a few of us around that remember what you went through so you know where we are if you need us.

    It may be MrC doesn't know what to do or say and leaves it until you ask for help? Some people just like to plod along and face things when they are in plain sight and when you are struggling it can appear they don't care.

    Like swgrl says, those early days are going to be hard when birthdays, Xmas, anniversaries, etc all come around. Anyone I've ever known who has suffered bereavement has said the same. They are special days and times we naturally think of loved ones so it's going to be a kick in the unmentionables and make you feel sad they aren't around.

    Do you think you need to sit MrC down and get some support off him? Perhaps he will realise he needs to be a bit more proactive right now?

    I'm going to wish you a happy belated birthday anyway
    Last edited by MyNameIsTerry; 17-11-17 at 08:34.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    I can very much empathise with what you are feeling, Carnation. Birthdays are the pits at the best of times let alone when you are still deeply affected by bereavement. I tried bereavement counselling but found it formulaic and unhelpful-you need to come to terms with it in your own good time and no one can tell you how to do it. People generally don't want to know about other people's problems because they have their own lives to lead but on here maybe there are some kinder and more sensitive people who have been through a lot of trauma and can offer more support than you would get in "real life".

    I wouldn't expect too much from Mr C-he's probably floundering as to what to say to you. I know my OH has absolutely no idea as to what I'm dealing with as he lives in his own world of work and golf. If you can feel you can begin to open up to him it may bring you some comfort and hope? Having hope for the future is what you need to work on because it can be very difficult to see a way ahead in these early days. There will be a way ahead though and you will find it

  9. #9
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    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

    Hi Carnation, I have made a note of your birthday. I certainly have not forgotten you.
    I wished we lived near each other.
    I may have missed things on here and was wondering if Mr Cs mother is living with you.
    I am sorry you had a bad day.

    It is my late daughters birthday today. She would have been Fifty years old.
    So just feeling a little bit off.

    Sending you Love and
    One day at a time Carnation xxx
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  10. #10
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    Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(

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