feeling defeated: Health Anxiety episodes getting worse over the years

[emmegee]

Hi everyone-

I am currently going through yet another health anxiety episode/struggle, which is familiar territory for me. I am a 46 year old single mom to two teens. My health anxiety episodes typically last a couple months. They began in adolescence and I have gone sometimes years between episodes. About twenty years ago I started taking sertraline and have been on/off it ever since.

My severe HA scares have been : ALS, MS, Esophageal cancer (had this one twice and am currently in the midst of this), heart disease. These have all been in the last ten years.
My minor scares that raised my anxiety for about a month but were not overall debilitating: Brain cancer, colon cancer, stomach cancer, breast cancer, heart disease again, Naegleria fowleri (brain eating amoeba after jumping into a lake and getting water up my nose).

Most of these episodes were triggered by learning about someone with the disease and hearing more about it. Then hyperfocusing on what it must be like to have it.

My last three major episodes (MS, ALS, esophageal cancer) have been particularly debilitating and included more "panic" than the previous. Each time I lose a ton of weight. I guess what I am seeing is that this seems to be getting worse. This feels very defeating... like am I destined to suffer worse and worse for the rest of my life with this? I do recognize that this all stems from a lifelong fear of death and suffering.

So questions for others out there:

Have any of you in mid-life found your health anxiety has gotten worse?
Have any females found that peri-menopause could be making these mid-life episodes worse?
Any "pearls of wisdom" from others that have suffered with HA for many years?
Any words of encouragement and shared similar stories are greatly appreciated.

My current plan: I see my primary doc regularly, and do not make appointments for every little thing. Example: if I notice a minor health worry, I try to wait a few weeks or a month to see if it goes away before going to the doc. I also see a psychiatrist for my meds and a therapist. I have been diagnosed with lifelong depression and anxiety. I am very high-functioning, never miss work (I am a teacher and love my job), and hide my struggles quite well. I try to get some exercise each day, yoga once a week, increasing sertraline and considering permanently staying on it.

I'm feeling defeated and quite depressed over going through this again so soon after my last major episode a year ago. I also feel so very frustrated with myself for not "believing" my logical mind and instead being drawn into (and being controlled by) my emotional fear.

Thanks for reading-
-emme

[Bleet]

I am 43 emme and over the years my HA episodes have got worse but I kind of understand why. As we get older we do get more aches and pains, and for us anxious lot causes more frequent HA flares. Then you have the increased amount of information regarding serious illnesses (media, internet, Dr Google etc) coupled with more people in your life circle getting sick or even dying as you get older. It kinda makes sense that our HA gets worst over time.

I don't really have any pearls of wisdom...maybe ask yourself how many of your terminal health condition predictions have actually come true, I would guess none of them as you are still here...so why are you putting your life money on a bet with a zero percent success rate? Also every ache and pain I get I say to myself that "It's just my anxiety" stomach, head, muscles, eyes, throat it doesn't matter, it's all my anxiety....over the weeks I've done that it has calmed things down a bit, and I haven't died yet

Can't help on the lady things as I am male, soz

Stay strong and think positive x

[emmegee]

Thanks for the reply, Bleet. I do agree with what you say. When I was younger it was much easier to tell myself (and believe) that I was far too young for these illnesses to be plausible. In the past couple years, I have had a (very healthy) friend pass away from colon cancer, a current friend battling breast cancer, and a co-worker diagnosed with ALS. So I seem to be surrounded by more reminders of what could happen to me. I guess I don't have healthy coping skills to deal with these thoughts intruding.

I do (every once in a while) tell myself I don't really have these diseases since I didn't in all the previous times, and this gives me some minor shortlived relief. Even still, the anxiety surrounding it takes on a life of its own and puts me in such a unpleasant state!

Thanks again.

[soanxious]

I'm 24 and feel your pain. Been suffering through this for the better part of 8 years now, and the last 6 months have been the worst yet. Don't know what to do

[Ljw4242]

I deal with this also. I hate it so much it hurts, but I've got a great support group and I fight every day. Today was bad for me, when those days come, I have to boil it down and focus on each breath. It's what works for me, and the same things don't always work for others. My heart is always heavy for everyone who lives with this lovely nightmare, and all I know to do is say a prayer for everyone, and tell you you're never alone. My thoughts are truly with you.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk