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Thread: My Story - My Ven Journey

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,083

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Hi Jem
    Your doing really well you seem to have a lot of support(bit jealous)
    Your motivated and sound a strong person, which is great.
    I was a wreck to scared sometimes to even get of the sofa because of the physical anxiety sensation. Day 6/8 and eating sounds good to me.
    I’d be that wired I couldn’t sleep for days in a row, and ended up exhausted and had to resort to zopiclone(which I hated, fear of meds and how I’d feel) but had to do something to function.

    Your managing great ��

    The thought thing, I think is quite normal. We are always questioning ourselves, regardless of what it is. Even like what shall I do today, this is a biggie for me as I don’t work.

    Keep posting, I’m sure people are reading, if it does you good to write it down continue
    You could be helping somebody who maybe can’t write theirs down

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Hi Clio thanks for the encouragement X I don't feel strong at all but I know I have to get through this as I want my life back.

    Well yesterday was day 8 and I think it was one of the worst so far, the first 6 days were ok then day 7 was where it started changing for the worst, is this normal? I got up and my nan came over for a couple of hours, we chatted and took the dog for a walk but I really just wanted her to leave. She left around 1pm and the day went rapidly down hill from there. I felt so low. I was meant to go and get a parcel and I just couldn't go. I then got sleepy around 3 but my anxiety just wouldn't let me lay down. My partner got home at 6 and I just started sobbing. Took a diazepam and tried to watch some tv but I went to bed at 9 as I just couldn't stand it and I wanted to be asleep just to get away from it for a while. I'm assuming this is the worse before better the doc was talking about? I have an appointment with the chiropractor at 8:30, I woke at half 6 and got a shower and I'm going to force some breakfast down. I'm eating 3 meals a day but not by choice I'd happily not eat but my family are making me and I know I should. I'm struggling to see a way out at the moment. I've read that if sleep, energy or appetite improve in the first two weeks that this is a good indication the tablets will work. My sleep was fine before I started them and I'm still sleeping through the night but my energy and appetite are still very low. This worries me as I'm on day 9 now and no change. My mum is off for the rest of the week so I'm going there after chiropractors. I also need to make an appointment to see my doc on Monday as that's when she wanted to see me.

    Here goes day 9 - please be better!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Morning to whoever may be reading this. It's day 10 today!
    Yesterday was a better day than the previous ones. I got up had a shower and went to the chiropractors. Wow it hurt!! Can't remember all the details but I have a very hollow back and my muscles are extremely tight. He pulled me all over the place and I have to go back Monday! I then went in town with my mum for a while. Got home and took the dog on a long walk then came back and walked to doctors to pick up my sick note! Then went to pets at home with my mum to get some things for their new puppy. Came home around half 4 and felt my anxiety building a little. Had underlying anxiety all day and felt I was dragging myself around at times and the thoughts were still there all day! Took my son to his boxing training and then picked him up at half 7 and then watched some to till 10. Took a while to get to sleep as I ached all over. Not having intense panics but the anxiety is still there all day Under the surface and it peaks on and off due to my thoughts or physical feelings.
    Mum is off today so I'm going to go get dressed and head there now and hope today is better.

    Till tomorrow....

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Well day 11 and not too much to report!
    Yesterday was a little like the day before. Still have low level anxiety all day but I am coping with it better than I was at the beginning. Having tired spells here and there and still worrying everything in my head constantly. Did manage to watch some tv last night, the anxiety wasn't to bad but my mind was wandering a lot. I think the doc may put me up to 75m on Monday as I've heard that's the lowest therapeutic dose? But we will see, I'll go with whatever she says! My back has been hurting a lot and I think I'm having some sinus issues at the moment which is all very annoying! Did manage a long walk again yesterday. No appetite still but I am making myself eat 3 meals a day. Yesterday was shreddies, a ham sandwich and some chicken for tea! It's the weekend and partner is off today and we need to get a few Christmas presents. Let's hope today is a little better still.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Day 12... It's been horrendous!!! I've spent most of today in tears. Woke very spacey and had a headache and felt tired. I've felt so agitated and wound up today. Yesterday wasn't that great either to be honest and had tears last night at bedtime. Took a diazepam so I could get some sleep. I was hoping for some improvement by now. I've come to stay at my parents tonight as I think this is my safe place. My mum made me take a diazepam and she wasn't impressed as the doctor had given me 28 when I first started these as I've taken 5. I worry so much about addiction to them though. She also made me message the cbt guy as she said I need to help myself. Just taken the dog for a long walk so that's twice today (I bet he's loving this.) my mind just keeps going over and over it all and I get so wound up.
    I'm at the doctors tomorrow afternoon as she wanted to see me at about 2 weeks. Not sure what she will do but I imagine it will be an increase to 75m. Don't know how I'll feel about this as I've struggled on the 37.5 but on the other hand I'm not any better yet so I'll go with whatever she says. I'm really hoping I turn a corner soon as this isn't fun at all.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,083

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Hi jem
    Or I feel for you so much
    There’s nothing worse than not being able to make a decision and for it to be going round in your head .

    It is really very early days yet for a new med to settle and you to adjust to it. I’d say more like 4/6 weeks.
    It’s great you can go back home to mum, just the thought/feeling of safeness and comforting is really nice.

    Why wasn’t your mum impressed with the Gp given you 28, mine does the same.
    I think they like you to take them 3 times a day, to keep your anxiety stable lower so you are able to cope better with the start up of new med.

    As I said I am exactly the same as you about meds, they freak me out. I really don’t like taking them at all.
    The place I was in last time was horrendous(similar to you) and I needed restbite from the high anxiety state I was in.
    So in the end I took the Diazepam 3x2mg a day, for few days on the run. This really helped, I could then manage to eat and get at least a few hours sleep.
    I didn’t get addicted (honestly) I’m to bloody scared.
    Even now at the moment, my anxiety is up most morning and can feel depression feeling popping up, ie no motivation, withdrawal, tears. So I’ve gone on 2mg every morning just to get me settled and able to go out and feel a bit better in myself. This lifts me out of the depression and high anxiety state.

    Honestly 2mg 3 times a day is tiny, so people are on 15mg.
    Why don’t you try and do this, instead of waiting till it gets to the point of distress.
    Xx

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Hi Clio thank you so much for your support it really means a lot!
    I meant my mum wasn't impressed with me not taking them not about the doctor giving me them. She thinks I should be taking them and you are probably both right that I should take them rather than wait till the desperation stage. I had an OK evening after I took 1. Stayed up till 10:40 watching tv with my parents and I wasn't to bad I also slept through till 7am this morning. Got my cbt at 11 and everyone is at work so I'm going to get a shower and wash my hair, it takes ages to dry my hair and straighten it so that should take a bit of time! I'm going to ask the doctor about going back to work tomorrow but I might ask for shorter hours for this week say 9-2, work are ok with this and I wake really early. I think it will give me something to fill my time as all I do at the minute is wander the house and take the dog out! I'll update tonight after my cbt and doctors appointment.
    Once again thanks Clio and I hope your morning anxiety settles soon.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Quick update, just got back from the doctors and she has increased my dose to 75m she said that no one really gets results on 37.5 but had to start me lower because of my anxiety. She thinks I will need to go to 150m but wants to see me in 3 weeks to assess. Bit concerned about the increase but I know I need to do it. I also asked to go back to work tomorrow and she has agreed but only on reduced hours for 2 weeks. I'm starting them tomorrow and I have promised to use the diazepam as needed rather than desperate measures only. Wish me luck.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,083

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Good luck tomorrow at work
    And very well done for going back, so positive.

    I’d take diazepam before you go out to work, I think they take about 20 mins or so to kick in and last about 5 hrs but obviously stay in your system longer if I’m not right I’m sure somebody will put me right.

    How did the cbt go, was that your first one ?

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    483

    Re: My Story - My Ven Journey

    Yes it was the first one and it was ok, he asked questions and I talked and talked lol. He said I take no time for myself as I work and I have an hours drive to work then home again and I'm also doing everything at home and I've stopped doing all the fun things in my life and I get no help at home from the boys (partner and 2 lads) he said I don't eat properly and exercise enough and I get so run down and that's when the anxiety sets in as I don't feel well so we need to work on both. Bit scary knowing things need to change but he seemed to know his stuff. I'm back there next week.
    Took a diazepam about 4, it's like I have anxiety all day but it all peaks and I get worse about 3-4pm when it really peaks and I feel my face getting hot! I take them at 9am so I wonder if by 3pm they are at high concentration or something? What do you think?

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