I am 36 year old male living with panic attacks, social anxietyand fear of intimacy all through adolscent. I had a very rough family history and was forced to schooling through hostel since I was 5. My father has also suffered through panic attacks and social anxiety which turned into domestic violence out of his ignorance. My mom suffered a lot and worked odd hours to keep the family going but she never quit on him.
After dropping out of college i started working to support my family but it wasnt easy, the panick attacks and anxiety continued to affect my job, not knowing then i kept hopping job expecting better employment. I was so stressed and frustrated that i wanted to end life but i have so much fear of death. Its aomething i will never be able to do it. I used to experience highs and lows and now its pretty much only the lows. I have moved into a silent dark zone where i dont complain or fret about anything but ruminate.
I couldnt keep up with my last job after staying there for four years. I am lucky to have an elder sister who has called my parents to live with them and take care of them. Its a relief knowing that they will be taken care of.
I dont know where to go from here. The only girl I thought i loved left becuase i failed miserably due to fear of intimacy, wouldnt blame her, i was so emotionally depended and thought she was answer to all my worries.
I have adapted myself to become passive and hope people i bump into are kind. Sometimes i get cheated and taken advantage of but most of the time i get fair people to deal with still other wise i keep suscpicous and worries in my head.
Thanks for listening. Wish you all good health.
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Raised by wolves and other beasts. 
