So just sent a message I really didn't want to send

I sent a message telling my boss that maybe she needed to find someone else to look after her children.

Everyone tells me I have to look after my brain and put others 2nd... but my brain just can't do that

Everytime I put pressure on my head to go back to work then my head then rebels and today I just got in the car sat i it and cried and panicked.

,any people tell me I have to force myself to do things so my head needs to realise things aren't scary and others like cbt4panic tell me I have to do it really gradually..... I am confused as to what to do.

All I know is that my boss deserves some stability and so do her children.... so me saying I am almost ready to come back (which my brain believes at the time) and then not being able to do it is letting her down and she doesn't deserve that.

She is ringing me n her way home from work......
I am completely heartbroken, it tore my heart in two sending the message but it had to be sent.