I'm so depressed at this moment in time. Completely and utterly hopeless. I have no motivation and no idea how to get forward, it just seems so pointless. I have made numerous appointments with the gp and all they do is up my meds, currently on 100 mg of sertraline and the next time I see them on Friday, she said they will be upped again.
As much as I'd like a quick fix, I know that wont happen but what I do want happen is genuine help and not have to wait a year just to see a pyschiatrist because of the waiting lists. I can not bare the thought of another year feeling like this, I don't think I can.
I don't feel normal, I feel crazy. I keep expecting myself to start hearing voices and seeing things and this will cause me to have panic attacks despite the fact I've seen/heard nothing, it's just intrusive thinking.
Suicide is a daily thought for me, I wouldn't do it but the thought is there. I want my old self back, I want to be able to leave the house without having to take tablets just to get me to go for a coffee with a friend.
I don't know what to do but I have an overwhelming feeling of I can't do this anymore, it's so overwhelming its all I can focus on.
I'm safe, I have the crisis number, I am not going to commit suicide despite the thoughts, so please do not worry.