i can't accept death :( please help..

[dus1996]

hello everyone.. so i guess pretty much everyone is scared of death but.. for me it's a little different
i'm not scared of death because of the pain and all that.. i just can't accept that i will not be conscious anymore i will not be me i will not exist
and same for my family..
when i see a dead person (even in movies) i keep asking... why can't this person move?? why can't he talk?
i get paralyzed by the thought that this will eventually happen to me and i will not be able to do anything to stop it..
i think i will go crazy when my parents die.. i can't experience that
how can everyone live normally without thinking death??
it;s ruining my life.. please help =(

[Panda22]

It's a very difficult subject because it's the unknown :( I'm also really scared something would happen to my parents. All you can do is be grateful and happy that you still have them and nothing has happened.
Personally i believe in God and in turn that also made me less scared. Not saying you should do the same thing, I just think it's good to believe in SOMETHING that puts things in a positive light for you, whatever that is.

[Tyke]

Hi dus1996

I do get how you feel. I have lost both my parents and I know my generation are the next to go! Every time I turn on the news some personality from my youth seems to have gone. I even had two unexpected funerals to attend just before christmas. One was a man similar age to me.

There's no easy answers, but as Panda22 states, a faith does help with these issues. It makes you feel part of something greater and organised and that there is a point to it all. If you are not religious in any way, the best way is to try and focus on making the most of the here and now - the life you have. Make the best you can of it and try not to dwell on the end. Easier said than done, I know!

[dus1996]

thank you so much for your answers!! i think it would help if i believed that there is something after death but i don't.. i just think it's all biology and you just sleep forever..
i think it's just like before we were born.. just nothing!!
it's so unfair that we have to experience that :(

[emily67]

I know it's scary.

the way I think about it is like the circle of life from the lion king (I don't know if that will help you or not)

it's going to happen to everyone eventually, but not for a long, long, time

and when it happens, it's happening because it's normal.

because that's what needs to happen for the circle of life to move on

---------- Post added at 07:53 ---------- Previous post was at 07:52 ----------

if we all just live and lived forever, the world would get really crowded

[Tyke]

if we all just live and lived forever, the world would get really crowded

Yes, that concerns me too! If they ever perfect any treatment that stops cells naturally ageing the consequences for the world could be horrendous. And you can guess who would be first in line for that treatment. It wouldn't be ordinary people, it would be the very rich and powerful, including all the world's tyrannical leaders, their families and associates!

Life does seem cruel though. To have evolved into a species that can fully understand our own limitations regarding consciousness and death is quite harsh. For what it's worth though dus1996, I never thought I'd cope with my parents death, but I did and people do. Often in the end old folks get really ill and death takes away that suffering. People can seem 'ready to go' and if they aren't going to get any better death can be a relief. Having seen many people now at the end of life stage, it starts to bother me more about the actual death process, whether or not I'll have a quick 'good' death, preferably at home or an unpleasant undignified long drawn out one in some kind of institution with unsympathetic staff sticking various tubes cannulas and catheters into me!

[emily67]

Yes, that concerns me too! If they ever perfect any treatment that stops cells naturally ageing the consequences for the world could be horrendous. And you can guess who would be first in line for that treatment. It wouldn't be ordinary people, it would be the very rich and powerful, including all the world's tyrannical leaders, their families and associates!

Life does seem cruel though. To have evolved into a species that can fully understand our own limitations regarding consciousness and death is quite harsh. For what it's worth though dus1996, I never thought I'd cope with my parents death, but I did and people do. Often in the end old folks get really ill and death takes away that suffering. People can seem 'ready to go' and if they aren't going to get any better death can be a relief. Having seen many people now at the end of life stage, it starts to bother me more about the actual death process, whether or not I'll have a quick 'good' death, preferably at home or an unpleasant undignified long drawn out one in some kind of institution with unsympathetic staff sticking various tubes cannulas and catheters into me!

life does seem cruel, yeah

the cruelest thin about life (in my opinion), is that regardless of who you are and what you've accomplished, time will eventually catch you up and rob you of everything you've worked for

I could never get my head round that

never

[Speranza]

I used to be terrified of death. Then one day I began to really look at how older people acted, and I realised that the vast majority of them aren't afraid of it any more.

I also have a faith, but actually that doesn't necessarily answer my 'whay happens' questions. However, it does reassure me that I have a purpose and that whatever happens, death is not The End. For me, facing it was what helped. Others do the opposite.

I've thought a lot about my Health Anxiety and have realised that it's really been about fear of death. Those What Ifs, if you follow down the trail, all lead to the same place. So as people have said above, find a way to make peace with it.

Maybe a place to start would be why you think it's not fair. Where does that idea come from? I think that might help you to get a bigger perspective, to see that some of our questions possibly come from a place Beyond us. In which case, this might NOT be all there is...

And don't despair. Our ideas and beliefs morph all through our lives, so it's likely that this concern won't be there your whole life. It's a shame to waste our lives worrying about the bits we can't really know the answers to, after all. Allow yourself to hope that you will get past this, because it's hugely likely that you will.

[emily67]

I used to be terrified of death. Then one day I began to really look at how older people acted, and I realised that the vast majority of them aren't afraid of it any more.

I also have a faith, but actually that doesn't necessarily answer my 'whay happens' questions. However, it does reassure me that I have a purpose and that whatever happens, death is not The End. For me, facing it was what helped. Others do the opposite.

I've thought a lot about my Health Anxiety and have realised that it's really been about fear of death. Those What Ifs, if you follow down the trail, all lead to the same place. So as people have said above, find a way to make peace with it.

Maybe a place to start would be why you think it's not fair. Where does that idea come from? I think that might help you to get a bigger perspective, to see that some of our questions possibly come from a place Beyond us. In which case, this might NOT be all there is...

And don't despair. Our ideas and beliefs morph all through our lives, so it's likely that this concern won't be there your whole life. It's a shame to waste our lives worrying about the bits we can't really know the answers to, after all. Allow yourself to hope that you will get past this, because it's hugely likely that you will.

hey Speranza
I have a faith too (I am not really that religious), but I do believe their is something more after death

maybe a nicer version of this world

or maybe something completely diffrent

I don't think I believe in heaven and hell, more like a second earth

[Speranza]

hi Emily,

Yes, although I'ma Christian I don't have a conviction about the HOW. I just believe we continue. Even St Paul wrote that it wasn't quite clear what would happen to us - but I do believe there are better things to come.

Not to derail the thread - this fear is, as the OP quite rightly said, something we all experience. But I would reassure her that it does lessen as we age. Usually anyway. Talk to older people and listen to how they view life and death.