So sad

[Katie55]

I've been suffering with health anxiety for a couple of years, on and off. I was not too bad earlier this year but I had a few worries in summer and the HA flared up again. I'm doing online CBT but find it difficult to take medication as I am ptone to side effects as I take a few daily medicines for long term conditions. Any new medication seems to have unfortunate side effects. My only son lives abroad and has been home for Christmas. He went back yesterday and I have no idea when I'll see him again. Hubby is sympathetic but is just pleased that our son is doing so well. My problem is that this sadness coupled with the HA is making me so so sad. Will I start to get used to him being away again? It's so much worse this time. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to

[Speranza]

I'm so sorry... this one stinks. My daughters both lived abroad for a few years and I know exactly what you mean.

All I can say is, sit with the feelings for a bit. Feel sad. Don't beat yourself up for being sad. Accept it's there, think back over the holiday you've had, remind yourself that the bond between you is unbreakable.

Do you have Skype? That can help (although I know it's hard you can't touch).

Keep an eye on yourself for this mood spiralling downwards, but for now, be assured that it's perfectly normal. Try to plan something to look forward to, even if it's just a walk somewhere with your husband. Let him help. Be thankful he is there.

If you're the kind of Mum I am, it's like peeling sticking plaster off every time they leave. It DOES get better eventually - you get used to it, and you make the most of the time. I make myself laugh by remembering how horrified I would have been if my Mum had been like me (perhaps she was, inside, but she hid it very well if so!)

We can only be adults by successfully navigating all the letting-go of Young Adulthood, and part of our job is helping them out of the nest. And it's hard. But as your husband has seen, very worthwhile.

Come and tell us when you are sad, but yes - have hope, because it will pass eventually. x

[Katie55]

Thanks so much. You understand. I know how lucky I am that my son is confident and brave. My husband is very loving and we're happy. All this should be consolation but of course it isn't. At least I know it's normal to feel like this but I don't handle it as well as other people. Or at least I think others handle things better- maybe they don't underneath. Thanks again for your reply.

[Speranza]

Actually I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I go through long periods when i'm fine with it all, and so will you, but I do think that for some of us - perhaps those who are particularly orientated towards being Mums (it was my ambition from theage of 3!) the Empty Nest thing never quite leaves.

That isn't to depress you. My daughters are in their thirties now and I can assure you, the pride and love and feeling of having 'launched' people successfully far outweighs the sadness - I promise.

I also have friends whose adult children have special needs, who will never leave - and they have their own sadness... As long as we are all here for each other, we muddle through. Big, big hugs. And maybe give one to that kind husband of yours. x

P.S. As for others handling it better - my motto is, "Everybody's Bluffing"...

[Katie55]

I agree that everybody's bluffing! We never really know do we? We have a great relationship with our son and it's not forever. I know I'll be ok it's just the parting is still a bit raw and I needed to vent.
Thanks so much for taking the trouble to reply and for understanding

[pulisa]

I really feel for you, Katie. I have never suffered from Empty Nest Syndrome as my 2 have special needs but I know I would find it very difficult if either of them left home. It's good that you have a strong and happy bond with your husband and a credit to you both that your son is confident and enjoying an independent life. I hope things get easier for you in the coming days as you adjust to him going and that you can plan plenty of good things to look forward to in the coming weeks. Your sadness now is entirely natural as a loving Mum and you'll miss him of course but hopefully you'll feel better as the days pass and you know he is settled and happy.

[Katie55]

Thanks. Yes we're very proud of his independence and the fact that he's happy to use his holidays to come home but we'll just miss him so much. I know I'll be fine in a couple of weeks. Thank goodness for Skype too!