need advice on helping my boyfriend

[diagau]

Hi,
I have no idea where to start here but i am running out of options and have no idea what to do?

My boyfriend over the last couple of months has been getting a little distant over tired and very negative about everything in his life.

He was working new years eve and totally dropped of the radar for just over 24 hrs, when he finally contacted me saying "i want to talk, maybe catch up later " I had a feeling that that might not happen so instead i got coffee and appeared at his door an hour later.

He did look a little shocked that i had just arrived but i was right he wouldn't of seen me otherwise.

He went on to explain that he has no idea what is going on in his head but he knows he is going to disappear into himself for a while and he doesn't want me getting hurt along the way. Through this whole conversation i have never seen him so vulnerable but equally i never felt closer to him. I have a fair ide aof what has slowly caused this to trigger of the last cpl of months.

He has asked fro space and then for me to walk away at the same time saying this he looked like someone was ripping a knife through him. So his space i can give but i can not walk away, i love him whatever we have to deal with along the way.

My biggest problem is not being able to help him. asked him about getting help and he said no i just need to get through this bit on my own. At the moment i know he is still going to work his house mate has also gone to visit family to give him a bit of head space.

I am 95% sure he wont do any thing drastic and i asked him and he said iv had to do this before i just need to work it out. As we talked he calmed and even smiled when i left he hugged me and didn't want to let go.

I don't want to chase or pester him I just want to know he is surviving but how i go about it as he has now pretty much closed everyone out.

We don't argue he never gets angry and am not an arguer either id rather walk away and try again later. He said last time he had a period where he was so angry and he doesn't ever want me to feel threatened by him.

I dont know if not contacting him at all is the right thing todo or if i should keep dropping a message every now again. Id really just like any help or advice on the best way to handle it without making it worse for him but i dont want him to think he is on his own.

[Fishmanpa]

I'll answer from experience. My ex suffers(ed) from severe depression that manifested itself into hoarding. Living with that for 14 years was challenging to say the least and ultimately led to our divorce. She since has gone to therapy and from what my kids say, she's managing better.

We did go to couples therapy in an attempt to work things out but after a couple of sessions, it was suggested we go separately. She stopped going after a few sessions. I knew then it was over. There was nothing I could do to force my ex go short of a section 8 which had I pursued it, would have broken up the family (One look at our home and the clutter and they would have given me sole custody). Divorce is rough enough but to involve social services and all the additional trauma it would have caused was not prudent.

The bottom line is the person suffering has to take the initiative to help themselves. All you can do is suggest it and be supportive.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[diagau]

Thanks

He has now cut himself off from everything apart from work which i think will soon be close to follow working with the public, i can see it getting too much.

I think this time of year is the worst and cutting himself of from social media ect will help.

I am just fining it so hard to sit and do nothing if when we talked he really wanted me gone it would of been a lot easier, but watching him find it so hard to say and do, made me think he is fighting this the best he can.

If and when he comes out of this dark patch, i think we will talk about him doing something to help him. Instead of him thinking he has to be the tough guy also i think it is the first time in his life he has people actually believe him between me and his best friend.

In the past he has just been walked away from and told to get on with it . So even if we are just friends after then so be it .

[roberttorres]

I think he need to change the situation in which he is located for some time