Originally Posted by
Ranae
Hello everyone,
I have never posted on this forum, but I have spent countless hours during the last three years reading through the different threads and it has helped (and hurt me) me enormously, so I think it's time for me to share my story, hoping that it is useful for somebody.
The only disease nobody can deny I have is health anxiety. I have wasted an incredible amount of time and effort worrying myself sick about the possibility of having different illnesses, especially different kinds of cancer. For the last three years, and in spite of the antidepressants and psychotherapy to treat my anxiety, my great consuming obsession has been bowel cancer.
Considering that both my uncle and my grandfather died from bowel cancer, it was a matter of time for me to start worrying about it. After two years obsessing about having skin cancer (I didn't), one day I discovered a bit of blood on the toilet paper after having a bowel movement and the nightmare started.
I have always had digestive problems. When I was a kid, I had mysterious stomach pains all the time, and every time I'm very nervous (which is quite often), I get instant diarrhea. From the moment I first saw blood on the toilet paper after a bowel movent my symptoms skyrocketed. Thanks to Google, I was very aware of the symptoms of bowel cancer and of course, sooner or later I had them all (or I thought I did). Diarrhea, pencil thin stools, lots of gas, passing all kinds of weird mucus, incomplete evacuation...you name it.
After several visits to different doctors, I was diagnosed with anal fissures, told to take a fiber supplement and dismissed. Depending on the day, either I would believe that I was healthy or I would become convinced that I was dying from bowel cancer. The fiber helped with the fissures but probably was the reason why other symptoms like bloating, mucus, gas and diarrhea seemed to increase.
After too many tests and three years of crippling fear I finally convinced my GP to refer me to a colonoscopy, which I had yesterday. The days and the morning before the colonoscopy were some of the worst of my life, not because of the bowel cleaning, but because of the terrible anxiety I experienced. I cried my eyes out. And after all that pain, after all those tears, all those days lost to worrying, everything came clear. EVERYTHING WAS COMPLETELY FINE.
The reason I'm telling this story is to tell you that if you're in the same situation as I was, you're probably suffering for nothing. Life is short and one day you'll become ill, so stop wasting your time. If you are like me, you already know this to be true, but you can't help yourself. Get medication for your anxiety, go to therapy, get support from your friends and family, do whatever it takes to prevent your fear of being sick from consuming you. It is not worthy. And if nothing works, then get a colonoscopy and be done with it. But don't waste another second worrying about your symptoms.
If you have any questions or if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.