Does this sound familiar?

[Mom2FourKiddos]

So very long story short, I have been suffering from terrible health anxiety since June of 2017. I found a large mass close to my anus which turned out to be a perianal abscess. I swear, I think I have PTSD now from it. And let me backtrack a little bit. The reason it's scared me so bad is I have had rectal bleeding (Once every 3 to 6 months or so for the past 10 years) with visible hemmorhoids on the outside and a Dr who told me back in 2009 (without any exam or further testing) that it was most likely internal hemmorhoids and nothing to worry about if the blood was bright red. (It is). So fast forward to 2017, when I found this lump, I INSTANTLY went into panic that all this time, while I had taken that Dr's opinion and advice that I ignored something terrible in my bowels. I have had Dr visit after Dr visit. 2 CT scans with IV constrast, bloodwork, a HIDA Scan (gallbladder), and endless hours of no sleep and stress and worry and downright panic that my cancer diagnosis is coming. I have an appointment at the end of this month with a colon and rectal surgeon. I'm positive she's going to want a colonoscopy. And this anxiety just may kill me first. Here are my symptoms and I'm really hoping that these are all just anxiety related

1. Occasional blood ON stools for 10+ years. I do have visible hemmorhoids on the outside and I ONLY bleed after straining ever.
2. Dull achy pain in the right side of my abdomen. It starts under my ribs and down my side towards my hip. The pains will happen in different spots, higher, lower, around into my back on that side sometimes, and every once in a while, it'll happen on the left side. But for the most part, the past several months, the pain has been daily and a constant reminder that something is wrong. And I did a HORRIBLE thing and googled what organs are on that side. When I saw the pain is exactly where my colon is, I about passed out.
3. Thin/Flat stools. Which I can get back to a normal calibur by taking metamucil. And then they're right back to normal until I stop taking the fiber and back to flat/ribbon like again.
4. All of my bloodwork and scans have come back normal. No dilated loops of bowel, no anemia, no masses seen, the radiologist did say there is diverticulosis noted in my colon but the radiologist noted that not all of the bowel is able to be seen due to the Dr only giving me IV constrast instead of one you drink.

SO here are my questions and fears that I was hoping to find some reassurance in....IF this was cancer, and I've been having blood on my stools and in the toilet for 10+ years that go away after a couple days for months at a time, wouldn't a tumor be visible on a CT scan?

Wouldn't by bloodwork show something? Anything to indicate that there is something wrong?

Do the pains and locations I'm describing sounds like something sinister? What could cause this nagging/daily/dull/light pinching feeling down my right side?

I haven't slept since June. I am a mess. I am FULL of terror and panic attacks and anxiety. I've got 4 kids who need me. I am only 40. And I googled until my fingertips bled. I don't know who else to turn to. Can any of you please help me? Thank you so so so much for reading all of this. I'm sure I've left a ton out but I appreciate any advice or anything that anyone can give me.

[Mindphaser]

I have my colonoscopy in like 8 hours, pray for me so it will be all clear. Get one too, and relieve yourself.

[Mom2FourKiddos]

I will definitely pray for you! Please update after and let us know how you did okay?

[Mindphaser]

All clear! Nothing, not even single polyp! I'm so relieved!

[Mom2FourKiddos]

I am so happy for you. What wonderful news! I hope and pray I receive the same news. I bet there is such a weight off your shoulders. Were you completely convinced you had something terrible?

[Mindphaser]

I will pray for you too! I wasn't convinced, but some symtpoms and facts were terrifying for me. I'm so relieved there is nothing bad there.

[Mom2FourKiddos]

Here are my symptoms and I'm really hoping that these are all just anxiety related

1. Occasional blood in stools for 10+ years. I do have visible hemmorhoids on the outside and I ONLY bleed after straining ever.
2. Dull achy pain in the right side of my abdomen. It starts under my ribs and down my side towards my hip. The pains will happen in different spots, higher, lower, around into my back on that side sometimes, and every once in a while, it'll happen on the left side. But for the most part, the past several months, the pain has been daily and a constant reminder that something is wrong. And I did a HORRIBLE thing and googled what organs are on that side. When I saw the pain is exactly where my colon is, I about passed out.
3. Thin/Flat stools. Which I can get back to a normal calibur by taking metamucil. And then they're right back to normal until I stop taking the fiber and back to flat/ribbon like again.
4. All of my bloodwork and scans have come back normal. No dilated loops of bowel, no anemia, no masses seen, the radiologist did say there is diverticulosis noted in my colon but the radiologist noted that not all of the bowel is able to be seen due to the Dr only giving me IV constrast instead of one you drink.

SO here are my questions and fears that I was hoping to find some reassurance in....IF this was cancer, and I've been having blood on my stools and in the toilet for 10+ years that go away after a couple days for months at a time, wouldn't a tumor be visible on a CT scan?

Wouldn't my bloodwork show something? Anything to indicate that there is something wrong?

Do the pains and locations I'm describing sounds like something sinister? What could cause this nagging/daily/dull/light pinching feeling down my right side?

I haven't slept since June. I am a mess. I am FULL of terror and panic attacks and anxiety. I've got 4 kids who need me. I am only 40. And I googled until my fingertips bled. I don't know who else to turn to. Can any of you please help me? Thank you so so so much for reading all of this. I'm sure I've left a ton out but I appreciate any advice or anything that anyone can give me.

Can anyone possibly give me any insight on this? Or relate to it at all? Does this sound like anxiety/IBS related pains/issues?

[Mindprison]

10 years is a long time. If this was a tumour or cancer of any kind I guarantee you wouldn't be sitting here talking about it 10 years later.

Also, bowel cancer is generally a very slow growing cancer. It starts with polyps and then forms into cancer but the process takes around 10 years. That's why people at the most risk have a colonoscopy every 10 years since once it's clear, you don't have to worry about it for a long time.

The fact your symptoms have stayed relatively the same for 10 years means that it's not cancer. If it was you would absolutely not be here questioning if you had it or not. I suffer from IBS and have all shape, sizes, colours and everything.

[BrokenGirl]

I totally agree with the previous reply. Having the same symptoms for 10 years is almost a guarantee that it's not cancer. When cancer is left untreated it gets worse, so if it were cancer your symptoms would have got worse once they started and you wouldn't be here today!
I'm currently in a spiral about bowel cancer but yet when I sat back and read your post I can logically look at it and see it for what it is - just HA messing with your mind.
Maybe while your waiting for your appointment go back to your doctor to get something for your anxiety. I know that when HA takes a grip of you it's very hard to shake it off.
I truely hope you start to feel better soon and I'd almost put money on it that you don't have bowel cancer. Having symptoms that come and go for 10 years is actually a good sign!!

[Mom2FourKiddos]

Thank you for your responses. They really do mean a lot and help calm my mind. I wish this right sided pain would just go away. Do you all think it's from anxiety? If it was *c* would the pains move around on my right side like they do? Or would they stay in one spot? I'm just at my wit's end as to what this dang pain is from. And I'm so grateful I can ask here. I've driven my husband and family nuts with it all.

---------- Post added at 18:28 ---------- Previous post was at 16:42 ----------

10 years is a long time. If this was a tumour or cancer of any kind I guarantee you wouldn't be sitting here talking about it 10 years later.

Also, bowel cancer is generally a very slow growing cancer. It starts with polyps and then forms into cancer but the process takes around 10 years. That's why people at the most risk have a colonoscopy every 10 years since once it's clear, you don't have to worry about it for a long time.

The fact your symptoms have stayed relatively the same for 10 years means that it's not cancer. If it was you would absolutely not be here questioning if you had it or not. I suffer from IBS and have all shape, sizes, colours and everything.

Do you get flat stools too? And if I can get them back to normal calibur with fiber, that's a good sign right? Even if it goes right back to flat when I ease off the fiber?

Thank you for your response. Some days I literally feel like I'm suffocating from this fear. Just hearing that someone's opinion is that it's not something so scary is very comforting.

---------- Post added at 18:31 ---------- Previous post was at 18:28 ----------

I totally agree with the previous reply. Having the same symptoms for 10 years is almost a guarantee that it's not cancer. When cancer is left untreated it gets worse, so if it were cancer your symptoms would have got worse once they started and you wouldn't be here today!
I'm currently in a spiral about bowel cancer but yet when I sat back and read your post I can logically look at it and see it for what it is - just HA messing with your mind.
Maybe while your waiting for your appointment go back to your doctor to get something for your anxiety. I know that when HA takes a grip of you it's very hard to shake it off.
I truely hope you start to feel better soon and I'd almost put money on it that you don't have bowel cancer. Having symptoms that come and go for 10 years is actually a good sign!!

Isn't it crazy how you can read someone else's anxieties and see them for exactly what they are? Anxiety. My heart aches for all these people on here who are in the midst of these paralyzing fears and spiraling into a really dark place. I can see it and can think logically for someone else. Just not myself. Although I will say that seeing so many people having the EXACT same feelings I have right now does bring some comfort that this really is most likely just anxiety. I wish I could calm myself down. Your words meant a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to respond.