Hi, I decided to post this for my own benefit of writing it out as I try to pull myself out of my spiral. I figure writing out all the diseases/illnesses that I've believed I've had and the outcomes might help. I also figure that this thread (eventually) might end up helping others on here.
I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac but sh*t really hit the fan this past year. Back in March of 2017 I had post nasal drip that I would constantly feel and a dizziness that made me feel like I had just been on a boat. I was told this was allergies/my sinuses (in the U.S.) but I didn't get any further testing and this was initially at an urgent care. Later I would figure out that this dizzy feeling is actually anxiety. They wrote me a prescription for flonase and claritin. This seemed to help a little but nothing really helped the dizziness and I was still somewhat feeling this post nasal drip.
The dizzy episode lasted for a month or two and then went away. It came back later for about a month and went away again. It returned in November after we moved internationally and were having our furniture moved into our flat. That lasted a good 2-3 months and has slowly subsided over the past month but it seems to be directly related to how stressed I am feeling...hence why it must be anxiety.
In September was when things started getting really bad. Towards the end of September we moved to Germany and I was very happy about it and excited. In terms of things that could go wrong with a move, things actually went really well. The day after we arrived in Germany, we were on our way to pick up my dog from his flight over here. We got him, and 10 minutes after we picked him up I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was going on, but I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and had to pull over and I was convinced that it must have something to do with my dog since I hadn't seen him in awhile and I must have somehow become allergic. I went to the doctor a couple weeks later and had allergy testing. Turns out I'm not allergic to anything, including my dog. They did a lung function test and I don't have asthma. They don't come to a conclusion about what this could be. This sets off a whole worry about what could possibly be wrong with me.
In the past 4 months, I convinced myself that I had:
-allergies (nope)
-heart attack/heart problems (went to ER and there was nothing found, they said my heart sounded great)
-diabetes (tested and I'm not diabetic)
-hyperthyroidism/thyroid cancer (after a blood test indicated that my free T3 was slightly higher than normal--went to endocrinologist and he says my thyroid looks fine and he wouldn't pay attention to that my result was slightly higher. They also didn't find any growths on my thyroid, so no cancer.)
-multiple sclerosis or some other neurological disorder (because of the dizziness and sometimes feeling like half of my face was going numb. went to neurologist twice and she thought it was an inner ear problem, my spine, or stress--turns out it was anxiety).
-brain tumor (I was having constant headaches that were worse than normal and I had the dizziness I described above. Got a brain MRI and nope, there is nothing there! My brain is perfectly normal).
-brain aneurysm (because of the headaches--would've shown up on the MRI if I had one, but there was nothing found).
-tongue/mouth/oral cancer (I had this white spot on my tongue that came and went and of course the dry throat I was experiencing and the tightness in my throat/post nasal drip. The white spot was looked at by 2 ENTs that said it was nothing--I think I burned my tongue from drinking hot tea too soon, and they think that the reason I feel the post nasal drip is because of my dry throat, so they gave me sprays and drops to suck on to make that area more moisturized...basically NOT cancer).
-breast cancer (I checked my breasts after not being good about checking them every month and they felt lumpy, and I couldn't figure out if I had an actual lump or not. I was scared that I did have a lump and it was cancer. Went to my gynecologist and he did a physical exam and an ultrasound and didn't find anything...so no cancer!)
-blood clot/DVT (I don't remember how this one came up, probably a pain in my leg after being immobile for awhile. After monitoring my leg for awhile I realized that I didn't have a blood clot).
-melanoma/basal cell carcinoma/squamous cell carcinoma (triggered by scrolling through Facebook and reading a post about my middle school classmate who had stage IV melanoma. This caused me to remember all the times I didn't use sunscreen, how I went to the tanning salon for a month when I was 19, and think about how I have some "weird" looking moles. Went to dermatologist and she took a few pictures and said everything was perfectly fine and she'll see me in a year...so no skin cancer of any kind!)
-lymphoma/leukemia (this is my current fear because I read a thread on here, go figure, I'll go into more detail on this below).
After reading a thread on here, I started worrying about lymphoma. I noticed that I could feel 3 groin lymph nodes and they seemed larger than they should be, and they had been that way for months...possibly longer? I also noticed a lymph node under my chin that I had never noticed before. My 2 ENTs said not to worry about it, it's nothing. I also googled symptoms, bad idea, I know...and started thinking about how the past year and a half I had woken up slightly sweaty most days...night sweats is a symptom! After freaking out about this for awhile and some trial and error, I figured out that my problem was probably that I was going to sleep feeling toasty warm only to be too warm throughout the night and not realize it until I would wake up a little sweaty in the mornings. I tested this by wearing lighter pajamas and only sleeping with the sheet and a blanket over a small part of me, and now it's been 2 days of no sweating. So I don't think I have night sweats. Itchiness--I told my husband that I have recently started itching my feet right before I fall asleep almost every night, and he asks me how many times, and I just said, like four times with my other foot. He looks at me and says I don't think that's a sign of anything. I was able to calm myself down with the itchiness because the lymphoma itch is severe itchiness that actually causes people to break the skin, not itching yourself at random times throughout the day. Weight loss--I've dropped at least 12 pounds/5.4 kg in the past 4 months without trying, but I also walk more and there was a period of time where I lost my appetite. I gained my appetite back but am still (TMI) having more bowel movements than usual. The BMs usually seem to happen after my stomach churning, and the stomach churning is usually associated with me being very anxious. I haven't gained much weight back...2 whole pounds...but I suppose if it was cancer I would keep losing weight no matter how much I ate right?
I went to the doctor to have the lymph nodes looked at and after trying to measure them (yes--seriously trying to measure them by marking on my skin where I think they started and ended and using a ruler) I thought that they were ALL over 1 cm, which concerned me because of what else the internet says about lymph nodes. The doctor measured them via ultrasound and it turns out that all of them are 1 cm or smaller, with two of them being 1 cm, and the other being 0.5 cm. I had read that lymph nodes that are smaller than 1.5 cm in the groin area are considered normal. The doctor said that they are moveable and smooth and nothing indicates that they are cancerous. He took my blood and then I waited. I went back for a follow up appointment after the blood test and 3 values were out of range, with 2 of them being out of range by 0.01 and the lymphocytes being out of range by 2. He told me that he wasn't concerned at all about any of it because they aren't far out of range. I of course freaked out about the lymphocytes, but apparently the lab range is different than the lab range used in the U.S...because my count was 22 and that is within the normal range of 20-40 that I saw on U.S. websites. I'm a little confused by all that. I also was worried about the lymphocytes because it sounded like something that would indicate lymphoma (you know, they sound similar) and he was like, no, if it was lymphoma your lymphocytes would be HIGH, not low. He told me that he would refer me for a CT scan. I asked if that was necessary, and he said "No, but I can see that you will not listen to what I'm saying and will keep thinking about it when you get home, so I will refer you for a CT scan for your ease of mind". After asking a ton more questions, he told me that if he thought I had cancer, he would tell me, because that's his job. I asked him if he would tell me even if I was scared, and he said yes. He then told me that I can't keep living/thinking this way (I'm sure he's referring to my health anxiety) because I will drive myself crazy.
I also want to include in this post the physical anxiety symptoms that I have experienced over these past 4 months:
-headaches
-muscle twitching
-perceived arm/hand weakness
-perceived facial numbness
-lots and lots of gas/trapped gas in throat, stomach, and pelvic area
-upset stomach
-more bowel movements than usual
-reflux
-loss of appetite
-rapid heartbeat
-chest pain
-sweating
-dizziness
-throat tightness/lump in throat
-shortness of breath
-shaking/jitteriness
-waking up with panic attack
So that is where I'm at right now. I have 2 different CT scans since he is scanning from my neck to my thighs. One is next week, and the other is the following week. I am a little nervous, mostly because of the results, but also because CT scans (with I'm assuming contrast) aren't fun.
I will try to keep this thread updated with my concerns and worries and the outcome of everything. So far all the outcomes have been good, so I am hoping that this outcome will be good as well, and that I can pull myself out of this health anxiety spiral.
As I'm writing this, I feel gassy, and a little dizzy. Today I am worrying about lymphoma, my arm pain (which is probably shoulder/neck/spine/pinched nerve related, as I have scoliosis and an almost straight cervical spine) but after reading about someone who had lymphoma who had a node pop up on their arm, I am obsessively worried about one popping out on my arm so I am constantly questioning the pain in my arm, and it probably feels worse than it is because I'm paying attention to it. I have also worried today about right pelvic pain that started with my period, but I have always had some pain with my period and when I ovulate. At the worst it's probably a cyst, which I've had before, and if the pain continues or gets much worse, I'll go to my gynecologist. So far my pain has lessened over time.
Anyway I will try to keep this updated. Thanks for all the support I've received on here, I really appreciate it.
---------- Post added at 17:55 ---------- Previous post was at 14:42 ----------
I've been trying to distract myself by doing some chores and using mindfulness to help my mind not wander. So while doing the laundry I'll focus on how the clothes feel, look, etc just to stop my mind from wandering into the health anxiety spiral. I've also started these workbooks:http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?Info_ID=53
The description of someone with health anxiety and checking things they might do fits me so well that it makes me feel better and helps me step back and realize that this might all be health anxiety and my fears are irrational.
Still worried, but I am better than I was yesterday and the past week.
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Originally Posted by Blonde123
