My best friend’s cancer is a major trigger *trigger warning*

[Missb89]

My best friend in the entire World was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2016. It was initially stage two, but is now stage four. Before she got sick we both shared an extreme fear of death and health anxiety and we would always talk about how afraid we were of something happening to us. She’s only 30 years old a single mother with two children, and I’m 28 a single mother with one child.

She is living through my worst nightmare, and I am absolutely heartbroken knowing that I’m going to lose my best friend of 13 years, she mind as well be my sister. At the same time I have been witness to all of her surgeries, all of her infections, and all the aches and pains she gets and it is extremely triggering to me. My health anxiety is the worst it has ever been And there is no relief in site because I will not abandon her so I know I will watch her get sicker and sicker and eventually pass.

I feel so stupid and selfish constantly obsessing about my symptoms and fears when the person I love so much is actually going through terminal disease and is handling it so bravely most of the time. I just feel like I’m living in a nightmare.

[NancyW]

I am in the same boat, my friend of 17 years has uterine cancer stage 4.

The range of emotions is unreal, I want to support her but I also want to run away, it's awful and making me feel awful.

[braveinfiction]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.

[NancyW]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.

I know it's not contagious.. that's even silly to say. It's a horrid deep seeded fear of cancer.

[Missb89]

I know why it's scary to you guys, but cancer is not at all contagious and your friends need your support.

I know it’s not contagious, but I have a cancer phobia. However, I do not let that stop me from being there for her I have driven her to countless doctors appointments I was there for her when her husband wasn’t, I have devoted myself completely to being there for her because I love her more than anything, But at the end of the day the stress from seeing her go through this is real and it is a major trigger to me and I am in a bad place mentally.

[WiseMonkey]

I'm sorry for what you're both going through ... I lost a g/friend to cervical cancer she was 32. That was 26 years ago.

Her experience turned into an HA nightmare for me, especially when I started having symptoms! However, I had medical insurance and was able to quickly see a gynecologist and there was nothing wrong, it was just hormones and the beginning of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. twenty-six years on I'm still anxious about cervical cancer!

It was a terrible time and her daughters were so young. All you can do is be there for them and make sure you get some time out for yourself. Take care xx

[jojo2316]

It is good that you are standing by your friend in spite of your fears. That is testament to your strength

[tryingtosurvive1]

You're both good people. I would seek out a therapist or social worker or religious person to talk to though, you need some support as well.

[NancyW]

Missb I'm not quite as close to the situation as you are, this is not my best friend. I'm struggling with it on many levels. I can't imagine how it is for you. :-(

[swajj]

I can see how it would be a trigger. Someone close to me died from a brain tumour during the time I had HA. I thought that would trigger me because I was convinced I had a brain tumour a couple of times. It didn’t though because when I visited her in hospital I saw how sick someone with a brain tumour actually is and I knew I would never imagine I had one again.