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Thread: Absence after posts

  1. #21
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindprison View Post
    Words of thanks or even acknowledgement that the replies have been read are few and far between these days.

    As FMP says HA is a self absorbed and selfish illness. Most don't care about the concerns of others as long as their problem has been dealt with.

    I actually think it would do most of them a world of good to try and help others with their problems. I find that even as a HA sufferer myself there are problems people post here that I can't understand why they are so concerned about it and realize that my worries are just as unlikely.
    I once wrote a post (asking someone about therapy) which was totally ignored and I called the person out, and they said they didn't reply because it wasn't useful to them and they were only after reassurance for their illness du jour. Not everyone's as rude as that, but there are plenty that see this forum as a service for them. I'm not saying every nugget of advice I give is necessarily useful, but recognition people are trying is all we need.

    When I'm most active on here it's often when I'm in a bit of a spiral myself, which I rarely mention. When you're giving other people advice, you're also instilling it in yourself.

  2. #22
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    Nov 2009
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Not everyone's as rude as that, but there are plenty that see this forum as a service for them.
    Yes quite! Me,me,me,me,me.... I don't know what else to say, but agree with everything you said. I've just looked through my saved threads, and I swear that I actually am going to go through and write 'coming back and saying thanks would have been nice'.

  3. #23
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by axolotl View Post
    I once wrote a post (asking someone about therapy) which was totally ignored and I called the person out, and they said they didn't reply because it wasn't useful to them and they were only after reassurance for their illness du jour.
    A similar thing happened recently with someone else. The person in question was asked what they were doing to treat their anxiety. They answered saying that they weren't here for treatment for anxiety, they were here for reassurance. They then went on to ask what the point of the forum was if it wasn't for reassurance.

    Sadly this is something that is coming up more and more often. Hence why people are starting to get extremely frustrated. I'm not asking for a christmas card every year for helping, but a thank you would be nice or at least acknowledgement that they've taken on board what i've said.

    As has been said though, many of them just disappear once they've been given what they want, only to resurface weeks later with a different problem.
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  4. #24
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    Re: Absence after posts

    I understand this frustration, but on a different point I used to use this forum about 8 years ago, and only signed up again recently. I have to say I have read a lot of replies to other people that are somewhat unsupportive, kind of like what a doctor might say when they are sick of you. Whilst I don't know about these users pasts, I have been quite surprised by some people's attitudes on here. Just feel you shouldn't reply unless you have something positive or helpful to say xx

  5. #25
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Af77 View Post
    I understand this frustration, but on a different point I used to use this forum about 8 years ago, and only signed up again recently. I have to say I have read a lot of replies to other people that are somewhat unsupportive, kind of like what a doctor might say when they are sick of you. Whilst I don't know about these users pasts, I have been quite surprised by some people's attitudes on here. Just feel you shouldn't reply unless you have something positive or helpful to say xx
    I agree with you, some of the replies are downright nasty and IMO the perpetrators should be be warned or suspended for a limited time. Also some members seem to enjoy belittling others who are in a vulnerable place because it provides them with a type of twisted entertainment.

  6. #26
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Af77 View Post
    I understand this frustration, but on a different point I used to use this forum about 8 years ago, and only signed up again recently. I have to say I have read a lot of replies to other people that are somewhat unsupportive, kind of like what a doctor might say when they are sick of you. Whilst I don't know about these users pasts, I have been quite surprised by some people's attitudes on here. Just feel you shouldn't reply unless you have something positive or helpful to say xx
    I think there are certain users that have hardened us a little bit too much, and sometimes that makes people look unsupportive.

    But getting people out of a spiral of reassurance is the best advice you can give. Indulging people's endless "does x symptom mean I have y disease" posts is actively harmful to them. Soft-soaping them with reassurance on their 100th thread is actually less supportive than a curt kick up the bum sometimes.

    The mods' thread merging will hopefully mean that newer posters won't see people getting fed up and terse on a persistent poster's 200th thread (and there are some that have literally gone past that number) and think they're just being mean to someone.

  7. #27
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Af77 View Post
    I understand this frustration, but on a different point I used to use this forum about 8 years ago, and only signed up again recently. I have to say I have read a lot of replies to other people that are somewhat unsupportive, kind of like what a doctor might say when they are sick of you. Whilst I don't know about these users pasts, I have been quite surprised by some people's attitudes on here. Just feel you shouldn't reply unless you have something positive or helpful to say xx
    Context is everything. The responses you're talking about are most likely people who have given advice to the person before and been ignored. There are threads right now that have been going on for over a year and theres only so many times you can recommend they treat the anxiety before you feel like you're never going to get through to them.

    This isn't about being unsupportive or nasty, it's about forcing the sufferer to deal with the problem they so actively avoid. There are people here who will say over and over "this must be cancer" without EVER admitting they have an anxiety problem. Questions directed to them about whether they are getting therapy or meds are ignored.

    What else can we do to make them face the real issue?
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  8. #28
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Context is everything. The responses you're talking about are most likely people who have given advice to the person before and been ignored. There are threads right now that have been going on for over a year and theres only so many times you can recommend they treat the anxiety before you feel like you're never going to get through to them.
    Yes, I would think (and hope!) it probably is 'those threads', where there are years and years of nothing being given back, just endless grabbing of attention, support and reassurance.

  9. #29
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindprison View Post
    Context is everything. The responses you're talking about are most likely people who have given advice to the person before and been ignored. There are threads right now that have been going on for over a year and theres only so many times you can recommend they treat the anxiety before you feel like you're never going to get through to them.

    This isn't about being unsupportive or nasty, it's about forcing the sufferer to deal with the problem they so actively avoid. There are people here who will say over and over "this must be cancer" without EVER admitting they have an anxiety problem. Questions directed to them about whether they are getting therapy or meds are ignored.

    What else can we do to make them face the real issue?
    They will have to explain what they mean but from my point of view I have seen unpleasant exchanges and they show no sign of changing despite the many appeals from Admin.

    It's simply not about people becoming frustrated with others in all cases.
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  10. #30
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry View Post
    They will have to explain what they mean but from my point of view I have seen unpleasant exchanges and they show no sign of changing despite the many appeals from Admin.

    It's simply not about people becoming frustrated with others in all cases.
    I do think that we need to be a bit tougher on the reassurance seeking if it's becoming a regular occurrence from a poster.

    However, I won't disagree that it's been taking a lot less for things to get heated, so to speak. There is a very fine line between being hard for the greater good and just being malicious.

    As Axolotl says we've become hardened and it's making us look like we're doing it for the fun of it when we're actually trying to help in what feels like the only avenue left to us.

    It's all well and good saying that we need to be tougher because it's better than the alternative (keeping the anxiety cycle going) but part of me doesn't even know if we can go back now and wondering if we shouldn't have let it go this far to begin with.

    The health anxiety is the most frequented board on the forum because reassurance has been easily accessible there for a long time. But...where do we go from here? If we try to be tougher, one half will say it's cruel. If we continue to give constant reassurance, the other half will say it's cruel.

    I once saw a thread descend into complete chaos, members fighting each other over who was right and who was wrong when it came to how to deal with the reassurance cycle that was obviously happening. While the original poster disappeared for months while everyone fought among themselves, only for the poster to come back with a completely different problem after everyone had completely burned themselves out on each other.

    I don't know if it's even possible, but some kind of unity about this issue is needed between everyone before we'll get anywhere.
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