Absence after posts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I do think that we need to be a bit tougher on the reassurance seeking if it's becoming a regular occurrence from a poster.

However, I won't disagree that it's been taking a lot less for things to get heated, so to speak. There is a very fine line between being hard for the greater good and just being malicious.

As Axolotl says we've become hardened and it's making us look like we're doing it for the fun of it when we're actually trying to help in what feels like the only avenue left to us.

It's all well and good saying that we need to be tougher because it's better than the alternative (keeping the anxiety cycle going) but part of me doesn't even know if we can go back now and wondering if we shouldn't have let it go this far to begin with.

The health anxiety is the most frequented board on the forum because reassurance has been easily accessible there for a long time. But...where do we go from here? If we try to be tougher, one half will say it's cruel. If we continue to give constant reassurance, the other half will say it's cruel.

I once saw a thread descend into complete chaos, members fighting each other over who was right and who was wrong when it came to how to deal with the reassurance cycle that was obviously happening. While the original poster disappeared for months while everyone fought among themselves, only for the poster to come back with a completely different problem after everyone had completely burned themselves out on each other.

I don't know if it's even possible, but some kind of unity about this issue is needed between everyone before we'll get anywhere.

There will never be agreement on a combined strategy as long as a) it's left to members to determine the strategy and b) we don't all share the same beliefs. We just end up back in the blunt vs. feeding argument (one based on often biased binary views rather than a spectrum).

For a combined strategy, it has to come from Admin. But look at how people have constantly ignored Admin's appeals? It has calmed down at the moment but I don't expect it to last as it hasn't in the years I've been a member.

You don't have to get tough to challenge. I don't believe therapists would talk to people how some on here have under the guise of being blunt. It would be unprofessional. But they don't need to as they can challenge whilst staying dispassionate therefore not getting frustrated. They would burn out very quickly if they got too emotionally involved.

But we are talking about people here too. Different beliefs. Isn't it like differing parenting styles?

So, there needs to be clearer definition of what it tough and what is not veering into reassurance. Some go too far either way in my opinion.

Then it comes down to whether we accept what Admin state has to be the way forward. If you don't, it will be down to Admin to enforce the t&cs.

[axolotl]

You don't have to get tough to challenge. I don't believe therapists would talk to people how some on here have under the guise of being blunt.

That's the problem though, people are expecting help off non-professionals, most of which have mental health issues themselves. Sometimes I wonder if our only advice should ever be to get professional help, and support and encouragement for that, and if people aren't prepared to do that walk away from the discussion before frustration kicks in. It's certainly how I hope to go forward after ruminating on this.

That and not let the behaviour of long-time "regulars" cloud my judgement of new posters.

[pulisa]

That's the problem though, people are expecting help off non-professionals, most of which have mental health issues themselves. Sometimes I wonder if our only advice should ever be to get professional help, and support and encouragement for that, and if people aren't prepared to do that walk away from the discussion before frustration kicks in. It's certainly how I hope to go forward after ruminating on this.

That and not let the behaviour of long-time "regulars" cloud my judgement of new posters.

I agree with you, axolotl. I think the only advice we should give is to push for professional help. We are never going to agree on what constitutes the spectrum of enabling and we are a group of anxiety sufferers ourselves who have had no professional training so what gives us the right to judge anyway? We should protect our own mental health and point others in the right direction.

[axolotl]

I agree with you, axolotl. I think the only advice we should give is to push for professional help. We are never going to agree on what constitutes the spectrum of enabling and we are a group of anxiety sufferers ourselves who have had no professional training so what gives us the right to judge anyway? We should protect our own mental health and point others in the right direction.

It does make me question my own motivations for coming here. To my knowledge no-one has ever sought help as a direct result of one my posts, and the best I can say is I've given someone is 10 minutes reassurance they haven't got some disease or other before more doubt creeps in. 1,000+ posts in and that's all I have to show... This isn't me getting all maudlin or something, but questioning if there's better ways to spend your time.

[Mindprison]

That's the problem though, people are expecting help off non-professionals, most of which have mental health issues themselves. Sometimes I wonder if our only advice should ever be to get professional help, and support and encouragement for that, and if people aren't prepared to do that walk away from the discussion before frustration kicks in. It's certainly how I hope to go forward after ruminating on this.

That and not let the behaviour of long-time "regulars" cloud my judgement of new posters.

This is more along the lines of what I was trying to say, well put axolotl. I said this on another post but it really isn't our responsibility to do the job of a therapist or provide constant reassurance. Most of us aren't well enough for that.

I do think that it's too easy to become emotionally involved. Maybe it is for the best if we just direct them towards help with the anxiety and if it doesn't work, bow out.

As Terry says there are extremes on both sides, it might be best if we ask what the poster is doing about the anxiety, giving advice about how to treat it and then leaving it at that.

[pulisa]

It does make me question my own motivations for coming here. To my knowledge no-one has ever sought help as a direct result of one my posts, and the best I can say is I've given someone is 10 minutes reassurance they haven't got some disease or other before more doubt creeps in. 1,000+ posts in and that's all I have to show... This isn't me getting all maudlin or something, but questioning if there's better ways to spend your time.

I think some people are quite comfortable in their mindset as an anxiety "victim" which makes any advice/attention all a bit pointless. I do question my own motivations too for coming on here and trying to give constructive support when I have more than enough challenges in "real life" to keep me occupied-it's become a habit but maybe it's not a helpful habit. It's all a bit depressing really.

[Violet Blue]

Great thread this.

I'm noticing that the genuinely thoughtful and helpful people, those above especially, are made to feel bad by simply commenting. Recently I've been put on the naughty step for trying to stand up for people who I thought were being taken advantage by posters who continued to ignore good advice. But we are not actually responsible for these people.

Some people seem to believe everything that is written, I tend to be A LOT more cynical. The trusting ones probably think I'm a bit of a bitch, which upsets me. I know exactly what is meant by wondering if this is actually a good use of my time.

Thinking about it, perhaps rather than Admin telling us off for commenting, maybe they should come down harder on the HAers. Once someone has been told three times to see a doctor/they are NOT dying (even though we don't know because we aren't doctors), Admin should close the thread or post something to the effect that the rules are that if you don't listen to advice this is not the right forum for you.

Tough love (controversial).

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with you, axolotl. I think the only advice we should give is to push for professional help. We are never going to agree on what constitutes the spectrum of enabling and we are a group of anxiety sufferers ourselves who have had no professional training so what gives us the right to judge anyway? We should protect our own mental health and point others in the right direction.

The trouble is then how can peer support work? But I don't think what we see here is indicative of peer support. No real life peer support would allow the meds discussions for a start.

Peer support aren't medical professionals either. The one I went to were trained in managing sessions but that was all.

It may be a necessary evil because the other end of the scale is no support. The NHS can't give it.

But perhaps it can be modify somewhat because it always feel we are talking about the same values here - repetitive poster types. People on here who post less but show little improvement over years seem to generate less controversy.

[Elen]

Great thread this.

I'm noticing that the genuinely thoughtful and helpful people, those above especially, are made to feel bad by simply commenting. Recently I've been put on the naughty step for trying to stand up for people who I thought were being taken advantage by posters who continued to ignore good advice. But we are not actually responsible for these people.

Some people seem to believe everything that is written, I tend to be A LOT more cynical. The trusting ones probably think I'm a bit of a bitch, which upsets me. I know exactly what is meant by wondering if this is actually a good use of my time.

Thinking about it, perhaps rather than Admin telling us off for commenting, maybe they should come down harder on the HAers. Once someone has been told three times to see a doctor/they are NOT dying (even though we don't know because we aren't doctors), Admin should close the thread or post something to the effect that the rules are that if you don't listen to advice this is not the right forum for you.

Tough love (controversial).

There is a fine line between being harsh but fair and just being harsh. The naughty step is usually reserved for those that have crossed that line.

Frustration does not only affect the op, it affects other members who may not wish to make themselves known on the forum for fear of getting involved in an argument.

We also have many guests logged in at any one time who can get totally the wrong impression of what NMP is all about.

We have to act on what we see, but we also have no proof that you are Violet, a female or anything else, you could be another member under another username or a teenage boy.

[Violet Blue]

There is a fine line between being harsh but fair and just being harsh. The naughty step is usually reserved for those that have crossed that line.

Frustration does not only affect the op, it affects other members who may not wish to make themselves known on the forum for fear of getting involved in an argument.

We also have many guests logged in at any one time who can get totally the wrong impression of what NMP is all about.

We have to act on what we see, but we also have no proof that you are Violet, a female or anything else, you could be another member under another username or a teenage boy.

You do a great job, Elen. You must feel a bit like a nursery nurse half the time dealing with us crybabies, can't be easy.