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Thread: Absence after posts

  1. #51
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    Aug 2015
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    I think some people are quite comfortable in their mindset as an anxiety "victim" which makes any advice/attention all a bit pointless. I do question my own motivations too for coming on here and trying to give constructive support when I have more than enough challenges in "real life" to keep me occupied-it's become a habit but maybe it's not a helpful habit. It's all a bit depressing really.
    Right, based on ruminating on thoughts from this discussion and being called an "enabler" by another poster on here I'm having a break from this forum, probably permanently. I'm 100% certain nothing I've said has ever persuaded a single person to get help, and there is I'm sure truth to the accusation I've played my part in stringing unhealthy people's threads on, albeit with good intentions. This makes me wonder if my contribution to this forum has been, in the end, erring on slightly negative when you add that together, and at best utterly pointless.

    Why do I come here? I have no idea. I end up more stressed than when I started, so it's certainly not helping me. Some weird compulsion? A saviour complex? Thinking "If that person can be saved, there's hope for me?". No idea, I'm not a psychologist. But it's not healthy for me.

    But more to the point if I'm not helping anyone, and I'm not helping myself, the whole exercise is an enormous, unmitigated waste of time.

    I know I've said similar things to this before in the heat of the moment due to waves of insecurity. But I don't want a single "no Axolotl, come back..." comment. I know I've given good advice at times. But I also know none of that has ever done a single person any good. Ironically the only person I can remember who's taken action on anything I've said was a certain poster we all know who I persuaded to ring IAPT in a brief moment of lucidity, and we all know how that didn't stick.

    As I say the forum soul-searching of the last couple of weeks has made me realised how much time I waste here, and I'm just tired of it and I've got better things to do.

  2. #52
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Well I don't want you to leave at all. I think you have some good advice and wise words on here and it would be a shame to lose that.

    You have to look after you though so I fully respect your decision at the end of the day.
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  3. #53
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Axolotl

    Whether you like it or not I am also going to say that I do not want to see you go.

    Your posts are excellent and do seem to get the point across to people.

    I agree that it is far too easy to become too invested in spending time on here helping, but I truly hope that you find a balance that works for you.

    Elen
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  4. #54
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Axolotl,

    Can you remember what we said to you on your apology thread recently? There were people on there who I know I regard as strong characters on the forum. Do you think they wouldn't tell you or still be so supportive of you if they regarded you in this manner? I don't think so. They will speak for themselves when they see this but from my own point of view I wouldn't have said what I did if it wasn't true.

    You do have to do what is right for your health and like pulisa said I too question my involvement here and have learned to try to watch when it gets in the way of moving forward in real life, which is difficult some times, but that doesn't mean that your time here hasn't been hugely positive to others.

    Something said about anxiety/depression sufferers is that we kick ourselves far more than anyone else could. It's a negative behaviour because we put too much pressure on ourselves and look too deep over things. The opposite end of the scale is not caring at all about others. Whilst it can be a cross to bare I know which I would rather.

    I think you do that too yourself. Add Emotional Reasoning (yep, it's Cognitive Distortions time) to that and situations like this come about. It's why we always say have a break or have some time to pass through this current time.

    Whether you decide to go or stay just know you have done plenty on here.

    And if you do go I wish you all the best with your recovery. You truly deserve it.
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  5. #55
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    Aug 2015
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry View Post
    Axolotl,

    Can you remember what we said to you on your apology thread recently? There were people on there who I know I regard as strong characters on the forum. Do you think they wouldn't tell you or still be so supportive of you if they regarded you in this manner? I don't think so. They will speak for themselves when they see this but from my own point of view I wouldn't have said what I did if it wasn't true.

    You do have to do what is right for your health and like pulisa said I too question my involvement here and have learned to try to watch when it gets in the way of moving forward in real life, which is difficult some times, but that doesn't mean that your time here hasn't been hugely positive to others.

    Something said about anxiety/depression sufferers is that we kick ourselves far more than anyone else could. It's a negative behaviour because we put too much pressure on ourselves and look too deep over things. The opposite end of the scale is not caring at all about others. Whilst it can be a cross to bare I know which I would rather.

    I think you do that too yourself. Add Emotional Reasoning (yep, it's Cognitive Distortions time) to that and situations like this come about. It's why we always say have a break or have some time to pass through this current time.

    Whether you decide to go or stay just know you have done plenty on here.

    And if you do go I wish you all the best with your recovery. You truly deserve it.
    Terry (and Elen and Nic), I appreciate all comments, I really do. I was very wary of looking like I'm compliment-fishing, especially after the rather doomy and wallowing "apologies" thread where everyone was very supportive and I ended up deleting out of mild embarrassment. But I'm confident enough in the light of day to know I've given good advice to people, and I'm confident to know that while my approach is as open for criticism as anyone else's I always mean well and that's hopefully plain to see. But it's so hard to make any difference here, and so easy to risk stumbling into the wrong approach when dealing with others' crises with your own cack-handed, non-professional methods, that I question my own motives for being such a proficient poster.

    I don't think I'm being overly hard on myself, I just think I need to stop wasting so much my time on here, I do seem to be quite compulsive in my posting and it's something to address and wean myself off. "Cold turkey" is probably the best option, at least in the short term. Sorry if any of this sounds dismissive or harsh on the forum and its purposes, I don't mean it in that way and it does do people good, but I can't hand on my heart explain to you why I come here and what any of the posts I've made have actually achieved... and really I should be finding other more useful avenues to spend my time and energies.

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    1,485

    Re: Absence after posts

    Hey,
    Haven't read the entire thread, forgive me if this is a repetition.

    Because some people recover quite quickly and don't need sustained support, they don't become part of the online community. They don't necessarily grow to see all of us as whole people behind the usernames. On sites like Quora and Yahoo Answers, there isn't a sense of community, it's all quite anonymous - it's more like using a search engine than asking a roomful of people. So there's less of a pull to say thank you, because it feels impersonal to the OP.

    Would it be fair to say that people that are regulars on here seem to say thank you more?


    I'm 2 years recovered from depression and I still come back on here to write messages of support.

    I have a rule of thumb to not give more than I can afford. I'm not giving in order to receive. I'm giving only when it's good for me.

    When I write a message of support, I'm doing it to cement the learning that I did. I don't want to get depressed again. If I keep repeating the wisdom I learnt that worked for me to other people, maybe it will help me not get depressed again. It helps me to be writing here. I'd really like it to help others, but if it doesn't, at least it's still helping me.

    I hope they read it, even if they don't respond. Sometimes we need to be told things many times before we finally act on it. Each time makes a difference.

  7. #57
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    Nov 2009
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Axolotl, I haven't had time to read what everyone else has said above....really sorry (I'm fannying around here when I should be doing something else lol).

    PLEASE reconsider if you post here or not....you make a difference to ME. You honestly do. You remind me of things I should do and have forgotten, you sometimes make me laugh and smile, you make me feel positive and most importantly there are those human values shining through which are so important; respect, tolerance, kindness and courage. Your intelligent insightful replies are so helpful to so many, even people you don't think they might be helping.....those 'hidden guests' who just read and nothing more.

    Of course, if you want to be here less, or find it isn't benefiting you in anyway....then your choice must be to do what is right for you. I'm not going to do begging and pleading LOL However, I don't want you wandering into the sunset thinking the negative things you are!

    GOod Post Lior, like the thoughts you've expressed there !

  8. #58
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Absence after posts

    "That" thread is an absolute minefield and best left to admin to monitor as has been advised already.

    Axolotl, whatever you decide to do I think you are an excellent contributor to the forum but you have your own life to lead healthily outside of NMP so don't let yourself be dragged down by people you don't know when you are only trying to help others? Sometimes it's the "givers" who bear the brunt whilst the "takers" carry on regardless.

  9. #59
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Quote Originally Posted by axolotl View Post
    When you're giving other people advice, you're also instilling it in yourself.
    This ^^^^ is why I come here.
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  10. #60
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    Mar 2014
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    Re: Absence after posts

    Yes, excellent post by lior. I reckon that's true for many of us who are a bit further along.

    ---------- Post added at 04:57 ---------- Previous post was at 04:55 ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Elen View Post
    LOL you two

    As soon as I get Terry into his baby gro I will be right with you Violet


    Oooh, the one with the elephants on please
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    For free Mindfulness resources, please see this thread I have created to compile many sources together http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=168689

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