haven't been here for a while, felt like talking..

[oshun]

hello all

been pretty much out of it trying to cope with stuff and often don;t have the heart to type anything.

i'm still waiting to hear about getting councelling from MIND. my GP referred me 2 1/2 months ago...does it normally take this long?

in the meantime i am still on medical certificate til the beginning of january tho i have started job hunting a little bit again. if i have no money coming in soon i have worked out i will be homeless in 5 months. to that end i am also looking to rent a cheaper flat, tho i wonder without work references, is it going to be difficult?

right now i have no money coming in. the noise and hostility from the downstairs neighbours is severely aggravating my anxiety. i am just shaking everyday trying to get by.

i am forcing myself to use the phone ( which brings severe anxiety) so i can chase up flat hunting etc

i spoke to my freid about most of this finally last month. i think she really understood. it was a relief when she told me i really shoulsnt be having to deal with all this alone.... so i have contacted this lady who deals with "meridian therapy" (i've nevr heard of it either) that maybe can help. but ...it costs £48/hr yikes!!

re the ongoing legal case. the soliciters told me i would a legal aid case and would not be charged. they have since found out they made an error, so have now been slapped with £240 bill!!

still waiting to hear the outcome of my legal case. praying daily that i will not be prosecuted. i think if i am i cant handle that and im going to end it all. therefore i really dont know how much time left i have around, and i cant stop crying.

im very scared a nd im shaking. please help me

[seh1980]

hello Oshun,

I am so sorry to hear what a difficult time you are having. It is no wonder that you feel anxious the whole time. Unfortunately, being referred can take a couple of months and sometimes even more. It's a shame though since lots of people need help right away.
It's great that your work has been very understanding about it. Some people aren't so lucky.
All you can do is hang in there and try to stay positive. Hopefully, you will be referred soon!! Let us know how you are getting on, ok?

Sarah

[Karen]

Hi Oshun

I'm really sorry to hear that things are so bad for you at the moment. I am sure all the extra stress of the legal problems aren't helping with the anxiety. Could you maybe see your doctor again and see if he can do anything else to help?

I can relate to your anxiety about using the phone, as I have the same problem and am working on this at the moment. Well done for doing it though and it does get easier to cope with the more you do it.

I hope the legal case is sorted out soon. We are always here if you want to talk.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[vernon]

hi, so sorry to hear all your problems, its hard enough with anxiety without all the extra worries? My Gp refered me for CBT and to see a shrink, it took 2 years to get a start for CBT and it took over a year for me to see a shrink (who wasnt much help anyway). Could you not get a social worker help you with your probles? I am sure if u r alone and cant cope it wouldnt hurt to phone social services to see if u could get a social worker, I am sure some do have social workers. well hope this is a little help for u taske care Vernon

[nomorepanic]

Hiya

Sorry to hear you are not so good at the moment.

How come you ended up with a huge bill at this stage when they said they will pay for it. Can you not contest this?

You sound very stressed so you need to take some time out to chill and try to relax a bit more to get it under control again.

Are you using Vitamin B complex as well?

We need to get you back out and earning again so you don't lose your home but unless you can get better I know that will be so hard.

So, you need to start afresh and look at things to get you back on track again.

Re-read the info on the website, re-read Meg's first steps post - www.nomorepanic.co.uk/firststeps.htm

You can do it - you just have to find the strength to fight back.

Hope we can help you do that.

Nicola

[sal]

Hi Oshun

The PCS dont want to take it further so you havent got a case to answer to mate.

Take time out for youself and judge the situation.

How bad you might feel people around you arent putting that pressure on you.

Anxiety levels are rising and you are thinking the worst and it is the worst.

This can be sorted without anyone been affected including you more importantly so hold on to that.

Trust me they dont give up on you for little mistakes.





Love Sal xxxxx

[oshun]

hello all who replied and also those who read it

just a thank you note, as feeling abit brain dead/over confused at the moment

i paid the soliciter bill yesterday. i asked for more discount cos they never turned up at the first interview under caution, but apperently i am already being charged less than half and i didnt have the energy to argue.

i have to say it bu im really starting ot hate my mum n sis ( mush as i still love them) for the amount of pressure i feel they are putting on me to be doing "normal" stuff. i know they think im really crap and irresponsible. they dont even know me for the person i really am. well...never mind..i just will try not to think about that.

neighbours very very noisy again yesterday, othrwise flat hunting going very slow. some very dodgy properties out there.

thanks again.

does anyone else out there alos feel really trapped in their own skin? ??like you feel no - one will ever understand you for the person you are ??

love x oshun

[sal]

Hi Oshun

I cant judge everyone by what i have been through. But i know when i hit the worst time of my life i lost friends and family, not through a choice of their own but now i believe because they didnt know what to say or understand what i was going through.

You are really in the firing line at the moment as you need a home, and we all know that is some where when we can be ourselves.

You ar doing really well looking for a job and by your post you dont want to stay where you are. Easier said than done, i know that, but keep thinking how you are and hopefully you will find something that suits you hon.

Good luck and i really hope to hear soon that you have sorted it all out.

Sorry i had no better advice.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Merlinssister]

Hey oshun,

Sorry to hear things are so crap at the moment for you, though I'm glad you told a friend. That will help.

As for not being understood... I have that all the time. But then I barely understand myself so not sure how other people are meant to do it! But hold on to the thought that even if they don't understand, and dismiss what you're going through, and in the process maybe who you are, you are stronger than that. To cope with these illnesses and still get through the day, that means you are amazingly strong, not the other way around.

Hang in there, and if you need to 'talk' you know where I am.

MS

[sal]

Hi Oshun

I really hope today has been better for you. I know you are in a hard situation but any way we can help we will hon.

Let us know how you are hon?



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx