My anxieties towards men have really been debilitating in the past few months and I really don't know what to do.

Due to past bad relationships, any man or group of men that are collectively taller or bigger than me make me extremely anxious. I am hyper aware of every sound they make, every move they make, and I feel like I have to literally order myself to move my legs left, right, left, right to even walk and to remind myself how to breathe. It doesn't matter that I am quite strong physically, I freeze and my only thoughts is to get out and away as fast as I can even if they are hundreds of meters away from myself.

Where this is most prominent is at work. I am a substitute teacher at the school I grew up in. I was extremely excited when I found out my favorite teacher was working there. When I was in school (a senior in high school) I'd stay after school and we'd have amazing talks about life and faith and some other things (I can't remember much, I only know the fact that we talked). But the moment he came in my vision, I lost all thought of reconnecting and being social. Every time I see him from across the school building, I have to tell myself how to walk, avoid eye contact, and pray he's not also going to the workroom. He tells me 'Hello, [first name, last name]' every time he sees me and I squeak out a salutations. I know I'm not how I was when I was younger, my anxiety and depression didn't hit me hard until college, and I feel incredibly guilty for being this way with him. He was like a second father when mine was overseas for years and I used to be so comfortable around him.

Do I tell him in that he makes me anxious, even though it's nothing about him personally? I feel like I should apologize for not being who I am and apologize for being afraid of him physically even though I have no problems with him as a person, my body is just so hyper aware and ready to take off when he's near.

Ellie T.