It's back....😭 3rd time round, starting cit slowly

[Jennifer@kilden]

Hi all,
So..... nearly 6 years ago I had a breakdown- too much stress caught up with me and it came to a head just after my 30th birthday, I had terrible anxiety, but I'd never felt anxiety before so I was really scared, and because of the fear I got worse until about 2 weeks of suffering I went to the doctors and was put on citalopram. I was now depressed at feeling like this.
The doctor put me on 10mg - I had every side effect you can think of - I stayed at 10 for about 4 weeks and it wasn't doing anything so I was put up to 20mg. Another load of side effects... I felt awful, I was crying every day , my children were only small , my mum would come over every day to help me just get through the day.
Eventually after a few months all the side effects subsided - and I could see a light at the end of the tunnel - I was back to my "normal" self around 5-6 months later. After being on them a year and feeling fine I weaned off - was off them for 3 months when I felt bad again! Started taking the meds again and felt better again after a couple of months.
So I'd been on them for about 3 years again. Feeling 100% me and feeling great. So great that I would forget to take them 😳 And in the end stopped taking them altogether. 9 months I lasted and was so proud of myself.
Soooooo now... I've been under a lot of stress the last few weeks and then got the flu, and memory of past suffering has taken hold again and I can't shift it.
I feel rubbish , morning anxiety is at full force! I'm waking up at 6:30 with dread that I'm ill again , my body is buzzing and trembling- my mind just won't give Eva seconds peace. So I have got some spare cit and have cut my 20mg into quarters, my side effects were so bad the previous times that I want to get them into my system slowly, taken 5 for 3 days now, not feeling any better or worse.
Booked an appointment at my doctors for today, I'm trying to hide how I'm feeling from my husband because I don't want him to worry.
The anxiety is making me feel so sick , I can't eat , I just hate this I feel like sobbing and screaming!
I thought I was better - why can't I deal with life like everyone else! I don't mind taking medication I just can't believe I'm back here again.
Sorry for the long rant - sometimes it helps just to get it off your chest.
So long story short - this is my 3rd time round x

[Xena1971]

Hi Jennifer I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way I have been on and off Cit for 8 years now and sadly I found every time I started back on them the side effects would be the same Anxiety worsened Mind chatter through the roof Don’t even get me started and sleep...😂 However take things slowly as you increase your dose Make sure you see your Doctor and please tell your husband how you are feeling My other half was only ever cross with me when I hid my feelings from him never when I opened open about them On my journey I have taken everything from 10-40mg I now take 10mg and have done for nearly 2 years and on that I will probably stay for the rest of my life No drama no hang ups. I take a tablet for high blood pressure every day and i take a tablet for low Seratoin also No difference really It’s horrible now but the Meds have worked and will work again for you I posted a few years again something similar to this post if you can find it I hope it makes some sense I found a book by Paul David A life at last to be worth it’s weight in Gold and I still read it again when I’m having a Blip You have got better in the past and you will do again😀

Take care

Ken x

[Jennifer@kilden]

Hi Ken
Thank you so much for your reassurance- that's exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm just gutted I can off them the 2nd time around. Then I wouldn't be here with all the start up side effects again.
I'm just trying to take it day by day, I've lost my appetite and sleep is bad - but it won't always be , so I'm just trying to focus on sticking with it and getting better x
So glad to hear you are doing well on 10mg, I'm going up slowly to reduce side effects, I started on 5mg a few days ago and will go to 7.5 after 2 weeks.
I'm really sensitive towards these tablets and just need to take it slowly so I can cope better day by day x
Thanks again for your kind words and reassurance- it is just what I needed to hear. I think with this illness and medication you really just need someone to say " I've been there you'll get through this" so thank you 😊

[shery]

I was on esitalopram for 4 years. It is very similar to citalopram. I was on 20 mg which is equivalent to 40 mg citalopram ,, I came off it almost cold turkey and felt good for 2 months, then suddenly developed severe anxiety and depression. I jumped back on 10 mg for a week then upped to 20 mg. I am a month now back but still feeling bad.