Been on cit 9 weeks...

[Jamie1990]

Hi all, I’ve been on Citalopram and propranolol for 9 weeks now. First 2 weeks at 10mg and now on 20mg. I was put on them after having a breakdown that led me to having panic attacks daily.

Since then I haven’t had any panic attacks which although I’m so grateful for, is the only positive I’ve seen from this medication.

The past 9 weeks have seen ups and downs. I left my college course as I couldn’t handle it anymore and now I’m unemployed with little to excite me.

I’m now sleeping my life away. I’m constantly tired and have zero motivation to do anything. I’m asleep more than I’m awake these days and it’s just getting too much. I’ve lost all interest in the things I used to love and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I know Citalopram isn’t some magic pill but I honestly thought I’d see better results by now. It just feels like I’m incapable of being happy and that scares me that I’ll be like this for the rest of my life!

[Jennifer@kilden]

It will get better Jamie.
Just persevere with it - I'm bad at the moment but I'm trying to stay positive.
The last time I had my "breakdown " was 6 years ago and it took me at least 3 months to even see a glimmer of hope.
It does get better - just give it time - I no it's so hard as we want to be better straight away and waiting is awful when we feel so bad.
Try getting out for a walk, I find talking with my mum helps, and I'm currently colouring in!! Anything to get a moment peace from my brain and from feeling sick.
I'll have a long bath later before bed to relax.
Stick with it Jamie - your doing great - no one understands unless they have been where you are - and I totally understand- you will get better - you just need more time.
You say your on 20mg? Have you thought about talking to your dr about going to 30mg - maybe that would benefit you...?
Wish you well x

---------- Post added at 17:29 ---------- Previous post was at 17:27 ----------

And I promise you will not be like this forever- that's the anxiety talking xx

[Jamie1990]

It will get better Jamie.
Just persevere with it - I'm bad at the moment but I'm trying to stay positive.
The last time I had my "breakdown " was 6 years ago and it took me at least 3 months to even see a glimmer of hope.
It does get better - just give it time - I no it's so hard as we want to be better straight away and waiting is awful when we feel so bad.
Try getting out for a walk, I find talking with my mum helps, and I'm currently colouring in!! Anything to get a moment peace from my brain and from feeling sick.
I'll have a long bath later before bed to relax.
Stick with it Jamie - your doing great - no one understands unless they have been where you are - and I totally understand- you will get better - you just need more time.
You say your on 20mg? Have you thought about talking to your dr about going to 30mg - maybe that would benefit you...?
Wish you well x

---------- Post added at 17:29 ---------- Previous post was at 17:27 ----------

And I promise you will not be like this forever- that's the anxiety talking xx

Thanks for the lovely message Jennifer. It’s just so frustrating seeing everyone around me getting on with their lives and being happy. I just feel like my life is on hold... I think I’ve just realised that I’ve actually been depressed all this time, for years and I haven’t noticed it as I just thought this is who I am... I really hope I can benefit from this medication as right now I just can’t see any glimmer of hope. Thanks for the message though. It is comforting to know I’m not alone.

[Andy1718]

Hi there
Hang in there. I was on a similar road. Took 12 weeks for my cit to work. Much better now nearly 18 months on. It will get better. Just remember there are many people going through this. It’s quite common. Keep yourself busy regardless of how tired you are. Walk or run everyday helped me loads. Stay positive. You will look back on this and laugh about what all the fuss was.

[Lulu1960]

Totally agreed with you Andy ....

[lior]

Hey Jamie.

I have been there. 4 years ago I was suicidal and stayed that way for almost a year. It was a dangerous, scary time for me. I went on citalopram 6 months into feeling that way, and it was totally the right decision for me.

Citalopram IS a magic pill. It's not going to completely take away all your troubles - you have to do the work to make that happen - but it will make you calm and not-depressed just enough to work on your problems.

Citalopram started working for me after a few weeks, but it wasn't working ENOUGH until a few months in. I had to slowly increase my dose until I was on the right dose.

Being constantly stressed because of anxiety is exhausting - no wonder you feel like sleeping.

What do you still enjoy? Can you do something that you enjoy, every single day? For me, I would coax myself out of the house with the promise of getting myself coffee at a cafe I liked. It took hours to get myself out, but I did it most days, and it helped me.

Ultimately, therapy helped me work things out, and getting into a better life situation (which takes a long long time). Citalopram was vital in helping me get here. I'd probably be dead without it.

I'm better now. Not depressed, not anxious. It is possible to recover. I haven't been depressed for 18 months. If I can do it, so can you.

I remember thinking that depression was hell on earth... I didn't want to hear that it would take me months/years to recover. That's like telling someone they have to stay barefoot on hot coals for years. It was torturous, so awful, the pits of despair, and I was constantly shaking from anxiety. I would rather have died than spend more time in that agony, sometimes.

But... I managed to survive. I'm still in therapy to figure out the really deep problems. Somehow I feel like I know what freedom is, because I went through all that. Somehow, I have an edge over people that haven't had those experiences - I learnt hard how to soothe myself through all the daily problems that could get thrown at me. I think I may now be happier than a lot of people, because I know how to work at it. I now have a serious physical illness, but it doesn't seem so bad because nothing can be as bad as the hell I've already been through.

It might be bloody horrible now, and you don't deserve the pain - but one day you may find that the experiences eventually bear gifts.

Good luck, and keep posting with your troubles and progress