hi everyone,
Its nice to find a site that has a messege board and chat as well as alot of great information. Actually though this is the 2nd time Ive ever read about what I have. Ive allways just delt with it since I was a young teen. I have panic attacks and anziety mixed somewhat. I have the most common, which is not being able to talk in front of groups of people. stage fright. I panic and will either run or walk very fast out of the room. I allso have panic attacks when I speak to men. Not all men, just some. I do not know why it picks some and not others. I do not even really know why it happens. But when it does I feel butterflys in my stomach, my eyesight and head feels disoriented, I get flushed and my head and neck start shaking, with my neck getting very very tight and sore. I cant speak, and have a very strong urge to run or get away. It is very embarrasing, and I dont feel like I have control over it or when or with whom it happens. I am a bussiness women as well and it hurts me at work as well as in my personall life when dating, or meeting someone. I cant eat in front of men either, mainly though ones Im dating. I believe I know one factor in my childhood that has caused some of it, and also I believe I have increases in adrenaline that are not normal, and come at the wrong times. You see when I was young, my mother use to make sure we looked perfect all the time, and if we made a mistake in public, restaurant, like spilling a drink etc or anywhere, she would get mad, and say everyone is staring, why did you do that? She would say that was so stupid, etc etc. Me saying this is not me whining about what my parents did or didnt do. We all make mistakes with our kids. Ive let all that go, but I believe her continuously teaching us that we were allways being judged by others didnt help matters now and was a contributing factor. I allso had to be carefull with every word I said, and pick my words carefully as well as faciall expressions. likes and dislikes to my father. If they didnt match his he didnt like it, and then came my fear. Very controlling. Another factor in the why I think I have this. Could be right and could be totally off base on this being a factor. So here I am, with one more problem to beat. But I would do it all over again, because learning to overcome, and getting through the hard times I believe has only made me a stronger and better person, and more empathetic to others, etc. So this is my story, and Ive read other peoples fight to get through this as well, and I understand you all have sacraficed alot because of this disorder and other disorders like it. But nothing is unbeatable. Im scared to deal with it, and face it, and I know alot of others are to, but we all know were not alone, and we all can reach down deep inside ourselves and find the courage to beat it, together. Thanks for letting me tell a little about my story, and thanks for letting me hear about yours. Its great to be here.
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