Mass deep blow the jaw bone around my jaw corner makes me crazy

[kroppb]

I have been afraid of all kinds of deceases for around six months now. It all started with normal lymph nodes on my neck, then I noticed my perfectly normal hyoid bone on my throat and freaked out because it was asymmetric and finally a fixed, hard node in my groin made me go to see a GP a dozen times and a radiologist once.

Now I am worried about a really large node or lump (I cannot tell if it is a node) around my jaw, on the left side, deep under my skin and between neck muscles and under my jaw corner. It can be left when I push my finder around 1cm deep in the corner of my jaw, in a way the finger goes between the bone and the neck itself.

The possible node is around the size of my index finger's top part, the outer part from the last join in it. Before I referred to it as "grape" but it is not as thick, but length is quite fitting. It is also hard, moves just slightly and has never been tender. These features drive me really crazy. And the fact that it has been there for over than 6 months and the size has been what it is has stayed for at least 2 months does not help.

I have talked about my HA with a GP and a nurse before, around a month ago and they convinced me that the worst is not possible. There is nothing wrong with me and I am all clear, all fine because A: my full blood count came back all right B: a radiologist ultrasound scanned my neck and cheeks 5 months ago. This, however, doesn't make me convinced and reassured - unfortunately.

I am constantly telling myself A: the lump (node?) wasn't as large when the radiologist checked it and B: the worst is not visible in blood tests.

I don't know what to do. I actually tried to book a doctor's appointment to ensure a specialist has seen the lump is its current size but the next appointment was in May. I might consult a Dr later on this but for now I just want to know if it is a node. I so, so want to hear it is not a node because it's just so large.

Just wondering, if it would grow that fast (after the ultra to this day) or would it be even larger at this point if it was something of concern... Also, could it just be a part of muscle that feels like a quite loose lump inside the neck?

I have also had a globus feeling in my throat but it might be to my HA, sometimes it is there and something it disappears when I forget about it.

HA is just breaking me apart and making my life harder. Sometimes I need to stop doing my job at work and go to the bathroom just to poke the node and also check a few moles on my back for changes.

[Fishmanpa]

It's nothing. You've poked and prodded and self examined yourself looking for a reason to worry. You found "something" that's been there all along and probably a normal part of your anatomy (like your hyoid bone) and attached something sinister to it. No one normally pushes their fingers deep into their bodies looking for anomalies...

What are you doing to treat your anxiety?

Positive thoughts

[kroppb]

It's nothing. You've poked and prodded and self examined yourself looking for a reason to worry. You found "something" that's been there all along and probably a normal part of your anatomy (like your hyoid bone) and attached something sinister to it. No one normally pushes their fingers deep into their bodies looking for anomalies...

What are you doing to treat your anxiety?

Positive thoughts

Thanks for your response. I want to believe it being something psychological and every somatic "symptom" I find, must be something normal.

Poking things deep under my skin is not a good idea, indeed. I have to tell myself that if something sinister starts to grow there (chances are nothing will ever grow), it will show up as a visible mark.

When it comes to treating my anxiety, I usually go for a walk and it really makes my brain all fresh, for a certain period of time. And if I look at my HA on a greater time scale, I have noticed that things have gradually improved; I don't try to find new symptoms and I am finally convinced that doctors that I have met, are actually trained professionals. This wasn't something I was sure of before. Most notably, I am proud of myself actually admitting that the thing I am suffering from is anxiety.

If things get worse, the last GP I met told me that he can whenever refer me to a psychologist.

I also want to thank you for your other posts on this forum. I have come across many of them. They have always given me reassurance and helped me to tackle my HA.

[z_seroz]

I have the exact same thing. It's between my ear and jaw, almost directly under my ear lobe in that little crevice. It's rock hard like a pea and doesn't move. I also got a blood test which was normal (and the doctor specifically checked for lymphoma) but said it was normal. I am also still worried because I've convinced myself it's spread, and I feel the lump getting bigger. Can't believe I found someone with the same thing.