I’ve been having disturbing thoughts and urges about harming my parents. However, sometimes I feel like I want these thoughts to happen. I really don’t want to harm my parents at all, so this is really scary.
One of the reasons could be that I want a “unique” life. I could have a different life, and I could be famous. In fact, this is one of the first thoughts that came up to mind when I first had the intrusive thought. However, I would much rather live a happy life with my parents rather than have a “unique” life.
Sometimes, when I’m mad at my parents, or when my parents annoy me, or when I just watched a movie/tv show and the characters there make my family look lame (this has to have happened to someone, right?), I feel like I enjoy these thoughts, which I don’t.
I have always been fascinated with completely evil people. I don’t want to become like them, but the fear they recieve almost makes them feel “cool” to me. I’m still disgusted by them, of course. Well, when I’m worrying sometimes, I feel like I want to harm them because its “cool.” Its definately not, but just all this makes me feel scared.
Could this all just be classic OCD tricking me? Can OCD trick me like this? Or am I really dangerous?
Does anyone have any advice/comforting thoughts/similaf experiences?