Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

I read something that keeps going over in my thoughts.
'life can seem harder when your life is easier '.
It sounds a bit of a contradiction but I understand the meaning.
The explanation is when we do stuff like walking, washing-up, cooking, driving and so forth, because we do these things so many times our subconscious kicks in and out of that can come past memories connected to troubled times that can cause anxiety feelings.
How many times when in the kitchen do you have unwanted thoughts and not be in the moment.
Or watching something on TV and a thought or feeling enters your head for absolutely no reason.
If you are focused on the task in hand 100% or learning something new or have a change of routine, you find yourself being able to stay in the present moment. The same for a situation that may seem hard, you find you are able to cope. The moment you relax or continue with your daily routine of simple tasks, you may have a flood of thoughts and emotions.
The brain relaxes and we go into subconscious mode not realising that we are performing off of a memory bank.
Any past memory can surface and give you the impression you are reliving that moment even though it is not real.
The secret is to acknowledge, ignore and carry on.
But if you struggle with this, mix up your routine, learn something new, do something different, find something that takes 100% concentration. And remember that a thought is not real but the now is.

[Catkins]

This is something I can really identify with. I was walking round the churchyard with my dog this morning and because I didn't sleep well, I really struggled with my 54321 routine. My mind was flitting all over the place and not to places I wanted it to be. I had to make tremendous effort to pull myself back into the moment. Tomorrow morning I'll change my route and walk round the other less familiar way.

[Carnation]

Catkins, the main is you noticed the reaction and this should stead you in your progression.

[Carnation]

Christmas is approaching fast and we've been having weather so cold we could well of had a premature snow fall. I spent a few days in and I'm always concerned it will affect my agoraphobia staying in consecutively, but nope, yesterday I was out, hit all the charity shops, the mini supermarket, the greengrocers, the post office and at one point was standing at the counter waiting patiently for the assistant to work the new till machine, no kidding, ten minutes at least of entering and re-entering codes and departments and prices to the point of wanting to throw cash on the counter and walk out. But no, there I stood waiting patiently for the transaction to go through, no sweating or trembling, just waiting like anyone else to pay and leave without a bag, arms cradled and obscuring my footing.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still nervous, but I go for it with an attitude of "I want to live and do what anyone else can". And it's the thoughts of fear that only prevents you. Get past the fear barrier and you are winning. We are basically fighting ourselves most of the time. Punishing ourselves for past events and trauma. We are all here now, not yesterday, last week, last year or when we were a child. Talking of that, I've been trying the comfort thing of being the parent to the childhood memory when I have a flashback to one of those occasions that caused me trauma many moons ago and wasn't dealt with. Although it doesn't just apply to childhood days, it could be teenage or adult years. I have no problem hugging myself or telling myself "it's ok now, it's past or it wasn't my fault or words to that affect" Don't knock it, till you've tried it. It gives a good feeling of relief and helps in recovery. I have no qualms with hugging trees or even talking to them. Hey, if 'David Suchet' (Poirot) does it, then it must be worth doing. All in all, we look for something to give us comfort and belonging and if it's hugging trees or hugging yourself, then it's ok.

[Carnation]

Fear is a Feeling
Courage is a Reaction

[Catkins]

Fear is a Feeling
Courage is a Reaction

❤❤

[Carnation]

Even as we progress with healing, no matter how small, we can still suffer a setback, high anxiety and panic. You are not going backwards, it's just a moment, a flashback to our memory, our sensitivity, a trigger. You must continue going forward and not pay too much attention on it. Do what you have to, to calm down, talk yourself down, rise above it and carry on your healing path. Try to keep a balanced day, regular eating and time for self care. We are only human and bad days will occur with most people, even extremely healthy people.

[Catkins]

Very well put Carnation.

[Carnation]

Thank you catkins x

[Carnation]

Christmas will be with us in just a few days and I can honestly say I'm not feeling the spirit at all.
The decks are up, inside and out, the Christmas stash of chocolates to gorge on haven't been touched since I bought them two weeks ago. The TV agenda looks boring and repetitive. The weather has been as dull as it can get. The shops are empty and many starting their sales early.
The town lights barely get seen as they don't come on until 4.30pm when the shops are shutting. People are cancelling going out and the people that are out seem to be looking for inspiration to feel Christmas.
No one is in lockdown but it might as well be that way. Events are being cancelled and a feeling of doom has clouded over most households.
No one says you have to enjoy Christmas or be part of the Christmas spirit and for most it just causes us anxiety and reminds us of the people we've lost.
But most of us make an effort to brighten up our homes and follow the yearly tradition.
But I say, do what makes you feel comfortable and cosy. If it's a pyjama day, so what. If you don't want turkey, so what. If you don't want Christmas films and prefer to binge on a drama or thriller series, so what. It's basically a day and we should do what suits us because there's nothing worse than forcing a tradition of mince pies and eggnog if you hate it. Cocoa and Horlicks are just as comforting. I hear people have a drink at Christmas when they don't even drink. Why eat nuts if you don't like them? Because you see them on the supermarket shelf?
Don't feel a party popper is you don't feel the festive cheer. If you don't want to dress up, stuff a turkey, make cookies or decorate a gingerbread house.
Do what suits you, pleases you, gives you the less stress.
It's the shortest day today and that's something to mark because as from today the days get longer and the nights get shorter and it won't be long until you can potter about in the garden or sit outside and feel the fresh air on your face.
Until then, just be, do what you feel and you'll be fine.
Wishing you all a peaceful time at Christmas and good health. xx