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  1. #2521
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    558

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi Mrs. C.
    Perhaps this is what getting older is all about: once one ailment goes away, it almost immediately gets replaced by another? Certainly seems that's the case for a lot of us, and regarding the hands, I have no idea what's going on with mine but I have pain in both of mine, too, when trying to move them a certain way. So far it hasn't really restricted me from doing anything so I'm just going to ignore it, but should it get worse, I guess I will have to figure out what it is and what to do about it.

    My life hasn't been affected TOO terribly by the quarantines: I still go to the shelter, I still pop into stores when I need something, and I have always enjoyed being home and not attending social events. I do miss going to the gym occasionally and they have re-opened but I really don't feel safe going there yet where there are hundreds of people sweating and touching everything. I also miss the casino, and they have also opened, but again, not ready to try it.... yet.

    I had to attend a family outing yesterday and it was pretty awful. I have loved being able to say "No thank you" to all of my sister's invitations for the past few months, but this one was a graduation party for my great-nephew, whom I adore, so I went for him. But when I saw the weather report stating there would be thunderstorms and torrential rain at the time of the party, I contacted my family and asked if perhaps we could postpone till the next day or the next week. If it rained, it meant there would be 15 of us all milling around inside her house! Of course she told me I was being ridiculous and was irritated by my suggestion, but enough other people chimed in so that she at least agreed to postpone it by 2 hours. As we arrived, the rain was stopping and the sun was peeking out so we were able to hold it outdoors after all. But as soon as I got there she announced to everyone that they all needed to keep their distance from me because I was "corona crazy". As usual, she was negative, bitter, angry and condescending the entire time, to most everyone, so it was a painful act of love to be there. And the worst part is I had felt my anxiety ramping up a few days ago and couldn't figure out why.....even though I wasn't consciously thinking about her party, I guess my sub-conscious was already getting anxious about the upcoming event. And even though I don't let her get to me much anymore, I think it's a case of PTSD from so many decades of her terrorizing me emotionally. The only real solution is to avoid her as much as possible.

    Now that this is over with, I can go back to my regular life and the only next big thing I need to stress about is the 9 days I will be spending on the other side of the country with my grandchildren, but that's not until the end of September so I will tell my body to stash away that anxiety until September.

    Hope everyone is as well as possible. I don't think we will ever see our old lives again.... we're going to have to adjust to all the "new normals".
    Sue

  2. #2522
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    6,776

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Sorry for not replying sooner Sue, my hands have been so painful. I'll post more when they feel a bit better. x

  3. #2523
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    558

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    No rush, Mrs. C.... give your hands (and yourself) the rest they need. Amazing how much we take our hands for granted until they're not working properly..... THEN we truly appreciate them.
    Sue

  4. #2524
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    558

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    OK, I'm angry at anxiety (or adrenaline, or whatever the hell it is!) today! I had a really good day yesterday, physically and mentally. And today is another day off from work so should have been a day to be relaxed, feel good, no obligations, and only do chores if I feel like it. But as soon as I woke up, I noticed my tics (Tourette's) were worse than usual and wasn't sure why, but tried not to dwell on it. As the day goes on, I am feeling more and more anxiety symptoms and am now totally miserable while I sit here and do things I normally enjoy.

    I just want to know WHY it spikes and ebbs so that maybe I can stop doing/eating/behaving in a certain way to make them not happen so much. Or... if this is a normal part of living with anxiety, then I guess I need to accept it. But it's hard to accept when the adrenaline is flooding my system and I don't know why, and nothing except a tranquilizer slows it down. I had my thyroid levels tested last week and I am in the range where I normally feel perfect, so it's not that. I was kinda hoping it was.

    Just venting, but if anyone else has high adrenaline days for no apparent reason, I'd love to know this misery has company.
    Sue

  5. #2525
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    6,776

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi Sue, sorry for the delay in replying, but as you know I've been suffering with a hand injury.

    So yes. I completely get it, have the same thing and question why? Just like you.
    I too was fuelled with adrenalin after having a trip out to the shops in town and the only explanation for me is the flight or fight mode that we seem to be automatically programmed into when facing the outside world, the people and the problems that we may encounter.
    When my adrenalin symptoms occur I want to understand why and maybe even stop whatever it is that is causing them. But.... I don't think that's the way to go. For one thing, you don't want to become a prisoner of anxiety when you've come so far with making progress.
    And remember, anxiety symptoms can be brought on by just thoughts alone and with thousands of thoughts per day, that's a pretty hard task to dissect.
    Also, I can suffer with the affects of adrenalin after a prolonged period of stress or worry. This can reveal itself after weeks or months.
    Take that horrible incident at your place of work. You might have a trigger from a sound or person to make your body fuel with adrenalin or anxiety.
    It's never clear cut, otherwise we'd all be cured.
    So I just let the symptoms do what they want, accept its due to a trigger or something that's fuelled me and get on with the next thing I have to do in my life.
    One thing, the more you nurse these feelings or give attend, the more they are likely to continue.
    When I'm adrenalin induced, I blitz the house, go for a walk or get working in my garden.
    Sue, we will always question why we feel a certain way, it's only natural. Even Buddhists suffer the exact same feelings and they are like totally relaxed.
    You are doing brilliantly Sue, try to remember that. x

  6. #2526
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    6,776

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    As for my update....
    My left ha has healed nicely. The right hand, not so and eventually led me to booking a sports therapist which turned out to be a total waste of time and money.
    In fact I've been doing all the right things for it to heal. Only trouble is the healing time and my impatience.
    Bless Mr C, he tries to help me, but he never realised how much I do or how difficult it is to use a knife and fork with only one hand and all the other hundreds of of things we do with two hands. But I'm coping and adapting to my temporary disability.

    The therapist has gone. My decision. A bout of yawning and clock watching put homage to that and wanting me to agree to this total stranger having an agreement to contact the necessary authorities if she thought it appropriate totally wiped out any trust and brought the whole thing to a closed case.
    My 4th attempt at therapy and I'm doubtful there will be a 5th.

    I'm also not taking well to the new normal....
    Walk on the left, keep well away, stand behind the line, follow the arrows, do not enter, do not speak, stand outside until you are called, wear a mask, don't touch, your times up please leave.
    My poor brain, let alone what it is doing to my anxiety.
    It's causing me to shake, freeze, run and a feeling like my head is about to explode.
    So I basically don't want to go out, but I do because I'm fuelling my agoraphobia if I don't.
    I was scared of people before, but now I'm petrified and on a few occasions knocked over a shop stand or stepped back on to somebody, which would be quite amusing under normal circumstances, but I am just not seeing the funny side to any of it.

    I feel like I'm in a transition period of a combination of test and trial.
    Anxiety loves it if you are not confident, feeling low or unsure.
    But your tank needs to be full to take on challenges, so I'm doing my yoga again, applying a little Mindfulness in to my day and reminding myself of this helpful phrase...
    "I am in control of fear, it's not in control of me" xx

  7. #2527
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    558

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Nice to hear from you, Mrs. C.... thanks for the wise words and updates. I just scrolled back to see what you had done to your hands and I'm still not clear: you say probably too much phone use but for both of them to go bad at the same time, and so suddenly? Did you fall and catch yourself or something? Or was it an extra-energetic bout of gardening? Well, whatever caused it, I'm glad it's finally improving. I am always fearful of losing my sight because I don't think I could survive without it, but hands are something we take for granted, too.

    I'm doing OK. I am going to sign up for an online course type of thing to help me with my tics/tourettes/habits and am excited. If nothing else, it will probably teach me some new meditations and relaxation techniques. My vocal and physical tics have been acting up a lot and I recently realized that they have been pretty constant for about 9 months now! I then realized that perhaps it's now become more of a "habit" than a tic, so I need to notice the difference and take control.

    I'm still loving the shelter and have become very good friends with 3 of the Board of Director's members. We have been texting and emailing and hanging out together at the shelter even when we're not working, and someone gave us the name "The Fab Four". I've even been comfortable enough to socialize with them at one of their homes and at places other than the shelter, which is VERY unusual for me. I think I have finally found "my people".

    Of course, none of this progress would be possible without "my people" here on the forum, so thank you all for being here and sharing.
    Sue

  8. #2528
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    6,776

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Nice to hear from you too Sue

    Hope you have better luck than me with therapy. Be prepared for them to delve into your past and relive your childhood.
    Nine months ago would take you back to around last October. Is this when you started your job at the Animal Centre? I can't remember. And I'm not saying the job is bad for you, but could be a trigger that your brain has misinterpreted and related it to your highly stressful previous career. Anyway, just a thought.
    And Wow, you've made friends, socialising and can all chat about something you have in common. I couldn't be more happy for you. x

    So the hand / hands injury was caused through gardening, like most of my injuries.
    I was trying to snap bamboo canes in half with my bare hands. They were for runner beans and too tall for my tomato plants. And as they obviously wouldn't snap, I found a pair of pliers handy (excuse the pun), and used brute force with my right hand to cut them,about twenty in total. So it was self inflicted Sue and I was quickly reminded that I am not Superwoman.

  9. #2529
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    558

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    But you ARE SuperWoman, at least to all of us here!!!!!

    I can relate - I do things beyond my physical capabilities and end up hurting myself, but I don't have the patience to wait for someone else to do it or to go find a better tool.... I just use brute force. LOL

    Your memory is amazing..... 9 months ago IS when I started at the shelter! And I would have never guessed there were any correlation, but you might be onto something, SuperWoman! Yes, I love the job, and I go there even when I don't need to because it's my "Happy Place" but perhaps there is some correlation between the tics and the starting of the job.

    Regarding the therapy, it's not psycho-analysis. It's a course I'm probably going to purchase that teaches me different tips and trick and tools to retrain my brain and lessen my involuntary movements and sounds. I don't think there is any real interaction with anyone.

    Hope everyone on here is doing ok. The fact that this thread has been quiet is a good sign, I guess?
    Sue

  10. #2530
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    6,776

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Lol Sue, maybe Superwoman years ago, more like a lost soul now.

    Yes, that's me to a tee. I want it done now even if it causes me pain i in the long run.

    A good memory is one of my finest points, which pro doesn't help my anxiety issues.
    And I'm suffering so badly with those unwanted thoughts and symptoms.
    Take today. I feel so emotional over nothing. I'm not thinking about anything in particular and to my knowledge there's nothing to make me feel this way. And here I am getting tearful and struggling to do the most simple tasks thinking I'm going to collapse or even die any minute, all day long. I'm practically scared of my own shadow.
    So I go about testing my capabilities by exercising, strutting around the garden with tools at the ready to use with my one good hand. Then it could be something as simple as making a cup of tea that makes me feel u steady, blurry eyed with heart pounding.
    So I then test myself further by balancing on one leg with eyes shut to see if I'm as woozy as I feel and of course the test shows perfect balance, so why do I feel this way making a cup of tea?
    It's the answers we always need so we can do something about it and we never seem to get them.
    We can only compare with someone else who has or is experiencing the exact same thing so we don't think we have some debilitating disease other than anxiety.
    Although anxiety is not a disease as its supposedly curable or can be managed so it doesn't stop you from living your life.
    And it's so much easier to help others rather than yourself.

    And yes it is quiet on this thread Sue.
    I've seen many people come and go over the last 6 years and some don't need the aid of this forum anymore. Some come back after a relapse and a few stay to help others.
    But I'm quite happy talking to myself I've been doing that for years, lol. x

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