Wow, there was so much great reading to catch up on - thanks to all for that! Carnation: 12 shops!?!?!? And trying on clothing and shoes!?!?!? Who are you and what have you done with the Carnation we know! I, too, have some incredible days where I feel completely like a "normal" person and obviously enjoy the feeling, but then I start to obsess on how and why I had a good day (so that I can re-create it) and I analyze it to death which is not good for anxiety. So not only do I examine my bad days, I even tear apart my good ones. Maybe we need to "accept" that we will all have both kinds of days and that there isn't always a rhyme or reason for it. As many doctors have told me (both medical doctors as well as psychiatric ones), we ALL have cycles and phases of good days and bad days, no one is the same every day. I need to just roll with the flow and stop trying to figure everything out.
The last week was insanely busy and I did pretty well with most of it. I spent 12 hours at my sister's house Friday (since my west coast daughter, husband and two grandchildren were staying at her home for their east coast visit) and I hosted a dinner that night for 18 people to all come visit while the kids were in town. I did great and never ran out of energy, even after chasing a toddler all day and night. The next morning me and hubby hit the road for 2.5 hours to babysit while my daughter attended a friend's wedding. About 4:00 that day I got hit with overwhelming exhaustion, really thought my body couldn't move, but of course you force yourself when people are counting on you. It was a rough night, watching a 2 year old and a 7 month old in a tiny hotel room. The baby never stopped crying for almost the entire 6 hours (very attached to his Mom right now) and I could not wait for that night to end. The next morning me and hubby excused ourselves from the wedding brunch and just hit the road, another 2.5 hours of driving. When I got home, I hit the couch and didn't leave till the next morning. The next morning I got ready, got in my car, and drove myself to my sister's house to spend the day with my kids. The highway ride was "OK". I did not have the usual panic attack but I did feel nervous. I think the hypnosis session really worked. I spent another 12 hours there playing with the kids and being a grandma, and then about midnight drove myself home. THAT was not fun. I was tired, anxious, couldn't see well, and was on the verge of a panic attack the entire 35 minute ride home. I was very disappointed because I had hoped the hypnosis was a magic cure that would work forever, every time, but apparently being exhausted, full of coffee, and over-stimulated over-rules benefits of hypnosis. But still, I never did pull over on the highway, I white-knuckled it all the way home. The next day, hubby took the day off and we both went and spent the day with the kids, said our final farewells that night, and cried all the way home. Needless to say, I was a vegetable and couch potato the next day.
ANYWAY, I would say there were many more enjoyable times than there were exhausted, anxious ones, but I still wondered often why I was feeling some of the things I was feeling, like eyes not focusing correctly, and being overwhelmed with exhaustion at times. Logically, it makes sense, but I still want to be a "normal" person who can go all day and night and always be relaxed and happy. (Is that a fantasy?)
I'm so jealous that you have cows, Mrs. D!!!!! Can I come live with you???? That would be my perfect world: live on lots of property with animals everywhere, never worry about putting on makeup and nice clothes, rolling out of bed and into the chicken coop and cow pasture, and only going into town when absolutely necessary. Hmmmmmmm , perhaps if hubby ever loses his job and we are forced to leave this house, that can be my goal: find property somewhere cheap that I can have lots of animals and live in a shack. Well, it would have to be an air-conditioned shack, there are some things I can NOT give up.
So here's to all of us, having the strength and courage to keep pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, but remembering to surrender and be kind to ourselves sometimes, too.
Sue