Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Fishman, we'd all probably fill pages and pages with family issues and relations that affect our mental health.
I think your advice of concentrating on me and Mr C is the right approach. I can't help wondering how families become this way and what makes one brother so different to another or aunties and uncles that seem more distant than a woman or bloke that lives down the road.
I know I shouldn't let it bother me. They are how they are and it is what it is. So sad though.

I'm going to say something really slushy stuff now.
You people on here, writers and readers are truly wonderful souls. You struggle with your own demons and there you are lending an ear and words of advice to other people.
Pulisa is a prime example of this. (sorry, I'm embarrassing you now). But you have a mountain of tasks and worries with your son and daughter, let alone your own issues, and living with an avaocado bathroom suite. And there you are on the forum helping other people with theirs. You rarely moan and if you do, you make a joke of it most of the time. You suffer in silence most of the time despite many offerings to offload, you choose to channel your energy into helping others.

I also get some heart warming private messages from readers and they don't realise how much that means to me.

It will be 7 years next month since I had my breakdown down and probably a good 7 years run up to that with signs I was heading in that direction.
And if I had the knowledge and understanding I have now, I would have been aware that I suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my life.
The words sensitive and quiet child covered a multitude of anxieties. A workaholic covered and helped distract from a troubled mind. My lack of social skills showed an indication that I was never comfortable in my surroundings. I thought many a time there was something different about me but couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Then 7 years ago I discovered NMP and there you all were. Like-minded people like myself. My family, my friends. Thank you for all being there. see I told you it would be slushy.

Ok, so we are different, we are delicate souls that have to live with issues. But our souls are beautiful and we are compassionate about the things we do. We feel too much of everything. Our feelings are magnified and that's why we feel everything so much. It also makes us excel in our roles as human beings and we should be proud of everything we have achieved. If people don't get us, they are not our kind of people. Your gut will guide you away from bad people and situations and your kind heart will keep feeding your soul. Be proud!

[Justanutter]

Carnation, I read the first post not realising the date, and I am currently in more or less the same state you were in then. Had the most stressful 12 months which has resulted in a breakdown and burnout. This will be about my third breakdown over many years but instead of acknowledging that this is what it is, it’s the usual ‘oh but this time it feels different so it must be serious’. Yes, my stomach plays up each time and is ongoing, but this time, I’ve had different symptoms so to say I’m worrying myself stupid and driving husband and son mad that it really is cancer and I’m dying. My husband says so, you’re going to die some time but that doesn’t help. I’m terrified. Too scared to go to drs. Husband says it’s the same old every time, but one time it won’t be will it? I’m in my 60s now. I’m doing the usual, meditation, gratefulness etc. saw a counsellor but nothing works. Not slept for months properly as am woken every morning about 4am with hot flashes and can’t get back to sleep. Stomach just feels weird and can’t get it to sort itself out.

i just want to know that I will cope if/when I’m told bad news. I know we can’t control it but read today that there are some people that will cope much better and they’re the ones with the positive mindsets where I am totally negative about anything and everything. This time, I’m really wondering if it’s all really worth it.....this is not living...I need to keep going for others but they don’t understand how I get myself in such a state. I tried to go back on my ADs but the side affects for some reason this time were horrendous and I’ve tried others but they were awful. I just can’t see what I can do apart from go and face up to whatever fate has in store ��

[Carnation]

Hi Justanutter, what a great name you chose.

After reading your post I can honestly say I could have written almost the same post many a time.
So there's the first point. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. And so are others.
As for councillors, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. You have to have a connection for one thing and I believe that you can only treat someone if you have experienced it yourself. I'm talking about mental health.
Now for the dying thing.
When I first went to a therapist, which is a hard task in itself, my first session was talking about the feeling I was going to die or something terrible was going to happen to me.
Her answer was "of course you are going to die, we all die, but you probably won't die today".
I was horrified by that answer and a bit insulted. I know we all have to die eventually, we know that. But I felt like I was going to die everyday, several times a day and I was racked with fear. To cut the story short, the sessions didn't last long, I was no better, probably worse and lost faith in therapists. A year passed and I tried again and the next one was completely different. But again, it didn't cure me, just softened the turmoil mind for a while.
The main thing is we want to be cured, we don't want to feel this way and there's no quick fix.
There's relapses just when you thought you on the road to recovery and what I call thought demons.
And we don't realise that most of the time anxiety keeps us alive!
So we try and learn to manage it. You can't get rid of it entirely, but in time and with practice you learn ways to cope and practise retraining your thought process.
Not every feeling means there's something serious going on, it's usually something quite common and natural.
I recommend you try the CBT on here. It is free and you can do at your own convenience.
I also recommend distraction until you can feel more at ease with the symptoms and feelings.
We spend far too much time zoning in on the way we feel.
Why wouldn't we, our alert button is on full capacity.
Fill your day with a balance of gentle exercise, a few chores, a rest period of reading maybe, something you enjoy doing, a chat with a friend, guided meditation, regular meals and winding down before sleeping.
I'm no expert and I don't see myself cured of anxiety, but I'm managing to cope so I can function to the best of my abilities.
Just remember those thoughts are not a true account of reality and don't be so hard on yourself.

[Justanutter]

Thank you Carnation for taking time to respond. It’s so depressing to think that this affliction will never actually go and that I will be chasing my tail for the rest of my days trying to deal with it. I’ve tried everything over the years to no avail but it is a form of OCD apparently. I’m so weary with it. Husband won’t entertain any of it so have to hide how ill it makes me feel when some days just doing the very basics is so hard. Sorry for the pity party as your words do ring so true and thank you once again for your kind response.

[pulisa]

Thank you so much for your kind words, Carnation. I do find that trying to help others manage their own anxiety helps me feel less of an oddity with my own issues.

Justanutter, (no, you're not-you're just like us!) I think not caring about how you feel and not over-analysing every sensation/feeling is a reasonable aim. I would agree with Carnation in that getting the right balance is very important. Boredom and inactivity is unhelpful and invites rumination and worry whereas manic activity to "beat the hell out of" anxiety is equally counter-productive. You need to have a sense of purpose which I find in trying to help others even if only in a very small way.

I'm in my sixties too and it's hard when doctors view every minor symptom as a health concern when they are over cautious and not confident re their diagnostic skills. Your husband wouldn't ignore you if you were truly unwell and the last thing you want is someone fussing over you and feeding into your HA. He's actually doing you a favour although you can't see it.

It's certainly possible to be able to manage HA and we all go through periods which are rough because we're human. You're certainly not a pity party person, you're just being honest x

[Justanutter]

Thanks Pulisa. Yes, I too have helped many people with anxiety during times when mine has been relatively controlled. You have to have suffered with it to be able to help someone else and that’s why I feel like I’m not coping nowadays as this is different this time and has thrown up much worse symptoms which are dragging me down. I saw a nutritionist at great expense last month but apart from diagnosing me with adrenal fatigue because of the terrible stress I’ve had for 12 months, and the extreme lack of energy, she gave me dietary advice and prescribed supplement powders etc. but I’m even struggling to take those or do the diet as it all seems to upset my stomach and I’ve not much appetite to eat all the veg and salad that she advises. I have a window during the evening when I feel quite chilled and normal and then go to bed and 4am it all starts again. Husband had a bowel cancer scare last month, didn’t tell anyone but it was all okay thankfully but if I so much as mention going for tests or seeing the Dr he tells me not to be stupid and I’ve been dying for years and it’s an embarrassment. He said I won’t be happy until I get diagnosed with cancer and then I can turn round and say I told you I was ill. In the meantime, I’m not living am I and I’m so fed up with it but every task is such a huge effort and that then frustrates me even more. Anyway, sun is out so will literally take the dogs across to the small field for 10 mins and at least that’s something.

[Carnation]

Justanutter, I know how frustrating and debilitating it can be trying to live a normal life. Just remember it is not life threatening, they are just feelings.
I keep a lot from my partner. For one thing he just doesn't understand or know what to do for me. I also don't want him to keep asking me if I'm alright or treat me with kid gloves because it just doesn't help. I might say I'm having an off day or feeling anxious, but the symptoms he just doesn't get.
As Pulisa has already said, channeling your energy to helping others in some way helps a lot. There's a double reward to that, helping someone else and taking away the obsessing from your own worries.
Apart from that if you need that company of like minded people then here is the place to be. Only be mindful that you don't overdo the reassurance as that can be fuelling to the condition. There's lots to read on practically everything here which is far better than Dr Google and its scaremongering answers. We've all done it knowing it probably wasn't the best idea.
As far as the OCD link that may keep you in this chasing the tail mode. Have you tried changing around your routine around slightly, letting some form of perfection go, laughing at an unwanted thought? I've done all of these.
I don't straighten up the doormat so it's completely symmetrical. Or leave the unplaced items in the kitchen that my other half has wrongly placed after using. I change my routine around just ever so slightly. Laugh out loud when I start thinking today is the day I might die because I feel a bit off. When I'm lightheaded I purposely shake my head or wash the floor on my hands and knees to channel away my stupid unrealistic thoughts. If I get a hot flush I let it flush and encourage it to flush more instead of running to the mirror, opening the windows and discarding my clothes, because I know it passes in seconds. And when you think about it, a hot flush is just the same as blushing when you are embarrassed. And that's completely harmless.
I know it's ALL uncomfortable and can be fear feeding, but with the right response you can diminish these symptoms so they come less and less.
And I highly recommend taking time to love yourself in some form. Whether it's a bubble bath, painting your nails, brushing your hair like they did in the old movies, sitting sipping a comforting cuppa and thinking about all the stuff you are grateful for, listening to music that reminds you of a good memory. Yoga, affirmations and meditation are great healers of an overactive mind too.
Right now the whole world is in some form of anxiety due to the pandemic and lockdown so you will not be feeling too different from anyone else. In fact you have the advance because you have the experience and knowledge. x

[Carnation]

Just to add to your last post Justanutter..

The fear of dying or having and illness such as cancer can be root of your anxiety symptoms and unwanted thoughts. You might even think this might be my last day, week, month, year, then I'll probably die. I know this because I've done it myself. And it's really know way to live and get the most out of life. Depression can then overtake and you find yourself pushing yourself to do just one task during the day, if that.
The thing is, you can get checked out from head to toe with a doctor and feel amazing with a clear bill of health for one day! Some people might even say, "they've missed something". Then days pass and there it is, thinking those thoughts again.
The problem lies with those thoughts and when a new symptom arises, it sends out alarm bells. Again I've had this. I might be brushing my teeth and start thinking my face is puffy and slightly lopsided and brain tries to tell me I might have had a stroke. So now I just tell myself not to be so silly and put it down to squashing my face on the pillow and smile back at my reflection.
The thing is I've already experienced a stroke, a mini stroke. And when I did I knew exactly what it was. You know when something is very wrong and not anxiety, you just do.
And new anxiety symptoms do pop up, but there are loads of explanations for the odd pain, swelling, mark, lump that are very common ailments.
I once thought my hands were bleeding, then I'd realised I'd been cutting beetroot and hadn't quite washed off all the dye. I'm not trying to underplay the way you might be feeling, but when you have become supersensitive to everything you feel and think it can overspill into literally everything!
The crux of it all is you just don't want to die and your survival instinct has kicked in big time and put you on high alert. A partner, family member, friend that has been ill will remind you of mortality.
And the truth about ridding the fear of death or disease and illness is not to be afraid of death itself.
It maybe why these extreme sports are so popular and people living on the edge have absolutely no fear or anxieties at all.
I haven't managed to gain that 'no fear' attitude and I am more fearful of the process of dying. Its something I have to overcome. But I can say that the people I know that have had cancer especially have survived it and quite happy getting on with their lives. I tend to think it's the people that have escaped such illness that can't help thinking "when's my turn?". Then putting their body and mind on full alert, especially the stomach area.
This is what I suffer with a lot. Known as the second brain, and sends messages to the brain. So that's why they say diet is an important factor with anxiety issues. Settle the stomach and you can feel better all round.
Difficult to do because stress and worry is the main culprit. But you can ease a lot of the discomfort with the right foods. I don't do meds personally so I go down the natural path. Avoid anything citrus. Eat plenty of green veggies. No fatty foods, nothing fried, no alcohol, minimalistic caffeine, regular meals, no spice or convenience foods.
If you can settle the stomach it can help the trigger of anxiety and then diminish the fear. x

[Justanutter]

Carnation, you are so kind to have taken the trouble to respond with such in depth insight and I really appreciate it. It definitely helps to know that it’s not just me who thinks or has thought like this. I really am at the end of my tether with myself but your words have managed to put a lot into perspective for me. You are so right in so many ways but when you’re in the darkest depths it’s hard to see a way out but when someone else puts it into perspective for you, it starts to resonate. I’m constantly working on my stomach, can’t do spices, always cook from scratch and plenty of veg and fruit, just need the appetite back properly and work on my stress response. As you well know, when your stomach is playing up, you feel completely rubbish and nothing seems to help but I know enough about the gut brain connection to realise this, just need to put it all into practice and calm down. Hopefully, once we can get some sense of normal life back up and running, that will make a big difference and finally from March 8th I can go into my Mum’s nursing home and hold her hand after 12 long months. Thank you once again for your kindness x

[pulisa]

It IS all about the stress response but that's easier said than done when you are mentally exhausted.

I hope you are soon able to be with your Mum properly. I have lost both my parents and am thankful that they were not alive during this brutal time. I don't feel bad by admitting this because it must be awful to be unable to be with loved ones when they need you.