I think I've always had a fear of being on my own, deserted, abandoned, however you want to label it. It stems from when I was a child and was alone through some very difficult phases in my life and just thinking about them brings me out in a hot flush. Since having anxiety, the 'alone' thing brings on a full panic attack.
Although I know that deep within me I am quite independent and capable, but let's face it, no one actually wants to be on their own.
I've lost my parents, have no sisters or brothers, sons or daughters or a best friend. It's not a sob story, but if I ever needed anyone for anything, I don't have that, all I have is Mr C and I'm very grateful for that.
So maybe along the way fear has been growing and left me with this phobia. I've had 3 years of therapy and still none the wiser or better. In fact I've got worse.
And for the time being I'm not going to push myself on this as I know I'm going through a blip and need to calm my nervous system.
Like you say Sue, I don't want to continually poke away until I'm good for absolutely nothing. Anyway, I deserve a break.