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Thread: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

  1. #1511
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    that made me smile, almost a laugh Sue, if it wasn't for my hoarse throat. I'd do a good version of Bonnie Tyler at the moment singing 'It's a Heartache'.
    My other half is pretty much the same Sue and dare I say it, I switch off.

    As you know, gardening is right up my alley and I've had my eye on nextdoor's garden for some time. It's a second home and out of control. I'd love to get stuck in to it and thought it may be a good first step for me. Not far from home, can do as much or as little as I like.
    Then there is the Church grounds as a possibility, about half a mile away.
    Coincidentally, a booklet came through the door of local classes. Here's what's on offer....
    Archery, French Cooking and Digital Photography.
    They have classes at the local library, so I'll look those up.
    I do have home hobbies. I have my sketching /painting, repairing old and broken jewellery and piano playing. I've got a sewing machine which I've not yet touched, but had this idea of turning unworn clothes into something interesting.
    But I'm not one to sit around a table making idle chat. I'm a doer. Unless it's something with a point to it or solving a problem.)

  2. #1512
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Woke up feeling less groggy this morning, but could feel the adrenalin vibrating in my thighs. So, I just laid there and thought, "there's nothing I can do about it, I'll just let it do its thing". It's not like I can go for run or do any vigorous exercise with the way I feel.
    Little did I know with Mr C taking over the kitchen duties that it would end up with a kitchen that looks like it's been used like a 8 person's bedsit. (no offence to bed sitters, I'm sure yours will be more in order than mine yesterday).
    All the plates, pans, cutlery and more was just piled high and I sort of sighed, didn't say anything to him, but thought, "is it worth it?". Still, I'm lucky to have someone around in times like this. Being on your own and ill is no laughing matter. So I am thankful for that.

    Although a lovely day, I've decided to stay in again today.
    I've made the mistake of going out when feeling a little better to find myself even worse the next day.
    Trouble is, my brain wants to do things and my body wants to slump. So I'll find some light things to do around the house. Not housework.
    I'm catching up on alot of reading and wading through a pile of supposedly self help mags that I've bought over the year. What alot of air they are, no real solid help at all apart from twenty plus suggestions on breathing techniques when really there is only one correct way to breathe. The suggestions are everything under the sun including that. Sitting, standing, lying, visualising, eyes open, eyes shut, light room, dark room, arms at the side, arms in the air. Every magazine had a different or same version. Then there's the recipes with ingredients we don't have in our cupboards or cost the earth. And the advice about taking a long relaxing soak in the bath, as if you can do that when highly anxious. I know I can barely be at the sink when my body is vibrating and feeling lightheaded.
    No, not one of them had any useful information on how to survive a day of bad anxiety and panic apart from breathing exercises, which in my personal opinion is almost impossible when you are panicky.
    So I'm dumping all those in the recycling bin and turning my head to the many books I have bought over the last few years. It's like an eeny meeny miney mo, but something tells me that most of them are going to be full of wind too.
    Might just get some more sticker books, at least they make me feel younger.

  3. #1513
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Most of it is not worth the paper it's printed on. I've read many books and they all rehash the Claire Weekes ideas. You go online and it's the same. I've no doubt that it's the way forwards. Acceptance. They all agree on one thing though, it's not easy to do....and when you think of it, how can it be easy? To accept the sensations that have been with us since time began. Sensations that we are primed to act upon. We had to or die in the jaws of a saber toothed tiger. What is hotwired into us, we have to accept. Very difficult but it can be done as others have proved. Claire Weekes herself for one. It still came but she was able to let it go.

    Naughty Mr.C leaving a bomb site where the kitchen should have been. I have trained Mr.D not to leave a mess and he will loads and unloads the dishwasher like a pro. The only thing he does is leave crumbs from crusty loaves all over the surfaces...right through til the following morning. But I can't grumble, he's a keeper.

    sit yourself by an open window and let this lovely Autumn weather come in. I've just seen the forecast again and it's pretty dismal this coming week. The nights are really drawing in too. We were just saying last night, it won't be long before we are walking the dogs by torchlight again :(
    __________________
    It’s a cruel beast that you feed…..

    Ghost…Spillways

  4. #1514
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I suppose I'm looking for that wonder book, but deep down the tools lie with us and the healing is a process that you can't rush.
    Just wanted to say that I find letting out a big sigh much easier than concentrating on those breathing exercises. For one thing they give me a head rush.

    I've already been in the garden today Darksky. It's also in my mind that it's the last few days before a more autumn feel, although I do like the autumn, it's the nights drawing in early that I don't like. We've now moved to an area with Street lighting, so I've luxury in that department.
    Last year I hung some twinkling lights down the road track and neighbours joined in.

    I'm much more anxious tiday, although I feel better in myself. My health anxiety is just not giving me a break and I'm so sure something is more serious with me than anxiety. I'm worried it's a blood clot or will get Parkinsons like my dad. Seriously, how much can we take in this mode?
    If it wasn't for possible further damage to my brain, I'd smash it against a wall, because it's sooooo crippling and frightening. And if I am scared, then I have problems following the acceptance rule. It's like, "ok, im going to accept that I will die". And that's not an exaggeration as I've heard many a time that the fear and anxiety disappear when you are no longer afraid of death or the process of it. I don't expect anyone to give me the answers and like you say Darksky, it's the sabretoothed tiger syndrome again, which relates to basically the same thing.
    Distraction, I need distraction, too much time thinking!

  5. #1515
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi, Mrs. C.
    I always enjoy your posts. I don't enjoy that you are suffering but it's refreshing to read about things that are so familiar and relate-able to me.... we feel less alone and get the reassurance that we are NOT the only ones who have ever felt this way or dealt with this. "Misery loves company".... sad but true.

    I guess I better learn to stop getting so annoyed with my hubby because compared to some others, I guess he's a saint, or at least he's right up there in the "average" department. I get SO frustrated when I find a few crumbs on the countertop, or when I feel a sticky spot on the counter where he may have laid down a sticky spoon and not wiped it up. I'm going to try smiling and taking each crumb as a reminder that I'm lucky to have him. Now THAT will be a test of my acceptance!

    So it seems you are now joining me in my "If one more person tells me to breathe . . . . !" rant. Geez, enough already with the breathing! And the soak in the tub.... yeah, right! I still remember when I was totally losing my mind while at my job about 35 years ago, I snuck into the bosses office to use a private phone and call my doctor to basically say "Help me - I'm losing my mind and I can't take this anymore - tell me what to do!" and the lady on the other end of the phone said "Go home and soak in the tub." Apparently she had never had a panic attack.

    OK, you're probably going to hate me for this comment but please try to remember I'm speaking from my own experience - it's all I have to go on and each of us has to find our own path but I seriously think this might be part of your issue right now: you have too much time on your hands. (Sorry - I have always HATED that comment so I apologize for using it!) But seriously, remember how well you were doing when you were consumed with the move and the new house and cleaning out your Mom's house and taking that road trip? Distractions! You had things you HAD TO DO so your mind had other things to focus on other than how you were feeling, and the anxiety had a creative outlet, rather than internalizing itself. And without that gun to your head to have to do something, it's very difficult and scary to force yourself to "get out there". And I think if it's not something you HAVE to do, your mind will still be able to focus on how it's feeling every moment and watching for every symptom. So what's the solution? Apparently you need to move again!

    OK, maybe not something that drastic, but I think you need to find something that you have a commitment to, that you pretty much can't get out of so that you are forced to force yourself into something distracting. And the feeling of accomplishment will help the healing process and motivate you to do it again.

    Do you hate me now? I'm just stating what my experience is, and when I have started to have a few weeks with no mandatory commitments, I feel the adrenaline and anxiety creeping up again and am almost grateful when some minor crisis presents itself. After I had been retired for 3 or so months is when I felt the anxiety and dread and worry creeping up again, and it would be the first thing I'd look for when I opened my eyes, and would check myself throughout the day, and would do an assessment at the end of the day on how bad the day was, anxiety wise. When I have other commitments and things taking up my time, I don't need to keep checking myself, I just enjoy checking off what I accomplished that day, rather than counting how many panic attacks and uncomfortable encounters I came across. THAT is when I started looking at possible part-time jobs. The thought of being committed to being somewhere at a certain time and day terrified me because I had the "what if's?" but I told myself that I wouldn't know if I didn't try and I could always quit if it was not helping my anxiety.

    Again, this is just how MY mind and anxiety work..... in your case, totally giving into the apprehensions and fatigue and fears might be what YOU need to heal. It's different for all of us so I guess your homework assignment is to figure out which approach works for you. But please remember how well you were doing when your life was in shambles with moving and road trips.
    Sue

  6. #1516
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Of course I don't hate you Sue, I agree with you!
    My relaxation and winding down has turned into time to over obcess on myself. Its what Mr C has been saying to me for some time now. I've pushed myself down a rabbit hole, let anxiety control my life and squash my confidence.
    Every sensation I feel I have to analyse and cure.
    And every pain I saw my mum and dad go through, I took it too. I felt their pain like it was mine and owned it like it was me and not them.
    I was too busy before with many duties to bother with the symptoms. The symptoms were still there but I just got on with stuff. But I was exhausted too.
    I felt at first I needed rest because of all the running around and because people keep asking me if I am ok, which worries me a lot! And I know I don't have the balance in my life that I need. Work, rest and play. Instead I rest, obcess and panic.
    Maybe I've had anxiety all my life and been too busy to let it overtake me before. I've had time to think back to many incidents that could have been diagnosed as anxiety moments or panic.
    So, yes I need to take a look at my life and my reactions.
    One thing is for sure, we can't get rid of anxiety completely, but it certainly needs tapering.

    I'm so grateful to have such great advice and support on here. You only need one voice to make a difference. x

  7. #1517
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Uh oh.... get ready for another song that you sparked for me: "One Voice" by Barry Manilow. I love it and play it so often.

    Suggestions from people who understand and care (and I'm one of them!) can be very helpful, but ultimately you have to come up with the plan you believe will work for YOU. Like they say in Al-Anon and AA meetings: "take what you need and leave the rest". Boy, am I stealing lots of other peoples' work today!
    Sue

  8. #1518
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi Mrs. C needed that hug especially right now. Glad to see you are resting and doings things when you can. Listen to your body and take care of you.

  9. #1519
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Plenty more from where they came from Tracy.

  10. #1520
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Sue, keep your song recommendations coming, as a music freak, I'm always interested.

    So last night, it was hot, couldn't get off to sleep and so the mind starts to wander.

    With everything I've said about my fears, I'm not generally a scared person if you take anxiety out of the equation. Or stuff that triggers my anxiety.
    But I am scared of dying and the process of it.
    And lying in bed wide awake, I've come to the conclusion that there is a main trigger for my current state preventing me from recovering.
    The next paragraph may have some triggers for some readers or be too sensitive to read, so skip if you are one of those people.

    Warning - triggers and sensitive reading.
    Almost two years ago I had an incident that has been haunting me since it happened.
    It's left me with the fear it could happen again and fearful of doing too much, fearful of being the slightest dizzy, fearful of not getting enough sleep and fearful of getting too hot.
    It was a day after no sleep one night. Think I slept from 8am - 12pm (4 hours). Mr C's mum had been violently sick most of the previous evening and part of the night. I had been running around with buckets, tussues, changes of clothing several times, drinks and being by her side.
    The next day she stayed in bed and I continued my day on only 4 hours sleep, but obviously not during the night and I was still running around doing stuff.
    I had a food delivery which had to be carried through 3 rooms and took about an hour to put away. I then dealt with the laundry and then went to change the bedding.
    I remember flicking the duvet to try and get it even and came over very hot. I was stupidly wearing a jumper and vest and it was a humid day and although the heating was in, it didn't need to be. I opened a window to get some air.
    Shortly after that I walked back to the lounge where Mr C was dozing as he had been awake most of the night too.
    I muttered to him that I was feeling hot, sat on the sifa and took my jumper off.
    That was the last thing I remembered. I must have collapsed as I was wedged against the sofa with my head back hanging over the top backwards so I was looking at the ceiling. I was still hot when I opened my eyes and as I tried to move I couldn't move my head for this incredible dizziness that was like whooshing in my head. My head felt heavy and my sight was limited. I cried to Mr C who had just woken up and I could see him pacing up and down with his phone in his hand. I assumed he was phoning for help. I laid there very frightened and was trapped. Each time I tried to move I couldn't. Mr C said I was in a very weird position with my head.
    Then his mum's carer came on the scene, muttered something about me looking awful and disappeared off the scene. I kept asking Mr C to do something, but he just replied it will wear off. I laid there for a good hour. Mr C put the tv on and told me to concentrate on watching that. I could barely focus on it, but remember Strictly Come Dancing and haven't been able to watch that programme with ease since that day. It's also a reminder of that incident when it comes on.
    Anyway, if you are still with me after reading so much, Mr C then told me he hadn't called anyone as he thought he didn't need to, but I was still stuck in this horrendously scary position. I then realised I had to do something myself. So I grabbed my head with both hands, pulled my incredibly dizzy head up and laid down on my side. I asked Mr C to get me a cup of tea and a biscuit as I wondered whether it be a low sugar thing. The last thing I eat prior to this was a banana.
    I managed to lift my head slightly to sip and munch at the biscuit. Oh my, I've come over incredibly tearful writing all this. Anyway, I laid there for a while and felt I needed the loo. I suggested Mr C use his mum's wheelchair to get me there. I was so frightened to try and move, but I managed it and my head was alot less woozy.
    To end this horrific tale, I slept the rest of the evening on the sofa and when going to bed, which was still via the wheelchair, I slept sitting up against 4 pillows. I stayed in bed for two whole days and by the third, Mr C said I was looking better.
    BUT! Anxiety grew since that day, the anxiety that I'd previously fought and had under control and everytime I get hot, not get enough sleep, become lightheaded, which is basically everyday, I get panicky. And I've not been able to eat a banana since that day. And the reason I dread people asking me if I'm ok with scrutinising stare.
    I'm living that fear everyday! It was never solved, remains a mystery. I have been tested for diabetes several times in the past and ok, but I really haven't been totally right since that day. I had a chat with my neighbour about it and she just said that you are alright now and told me she had collapsed once and felt incredibly dizzy.
    So that's it in a nutshell. Hardly a nutshell, but it may explain my present condition. The slightest bit dizzy and I think, here we go.

    Thank you for reading if you managed to. x

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